This is the last weekend I have "off" before school starts, and in truth, I'm excited to get started again. I've been bone-idle way too long.
I made a major decision over the course of the week to change my minor from forensics to women's studies - which is striking some people as "quite odd", especially since I've often said that I despise women, can't stand them, etc. In truth, I think that it's the sociological aspect that turns me off, especially regarding my generation. It's a throwback to the 1950s, where women were all about their husbands/boyfriends and their kids - both aspects that I cannot relate to in the slightest. I once read a book called "Tripping the Prom Queen" that described the rivalry of women and how they compete (especially for the attention of men). It only confirmed exactly what I've always thought - there is no such thing as a "sisterhood". The second you show any interest in what women consider "their man", the claws come out and the friendship is all over. Even I've done it. Bee-eff-eff, my fat ass.
I've just never had any interest in "competing" for any man - if a person doesn't want to be with me or spend time with me, fuck them. They miss out, not me. (Although it's taken years, decades, for me to get to that point. I don't kid myself on that score.)
So why women's studies? Partially because it relates to me in that I'm a woman, of course - but also, because I want to know more about my own gender, and what makes us do these stupid fucking things we do. It's also because I actually started to relate to the female convicts down at work - I started seeing life through their eyes, started to realize that a lot of the reason why they were in trouble to begin with is because they have little to no self-esteem. They don't believe in themselves or their potential. And isn't that where I was, at one time? Where I still am, in some ways?
I don't fool myself that I can make these womens' lives better. But I can at least understand, or relate in some way. I can offer empathy, an ear to listen, a shoulder to cry on. I know how they feel, in a lot of respects, in that they don't have anyone to listen to them, or that cares what happens to them.
Perhaps I do have a minute shred of compassion left in this hardened heart of mine.
With the minor change, as of the spring semester (2012), I'll only have 47 credits left before I graduate. At 12 credits a semester (a lot heavier than it has been, but I want this over with, to be honest), I'll be done by fall of next year. Even I can't believe it's true, in a way. I've come very far since my first panicked post that I had enrolled in school.
Oh, how far I HAVE come. :D
Alternate work schedule (AWS) starts this week. Basically my day is now nearly 10 hours instead of 9, but I get Wednesdays off every 2 weeks, which will help me out for things I have to do (like grocery shopping, deliveries, running errands, etc.). I don't know how it'll work out - I'm bone tired as it is - but I've agreed to try it out. It's not as if I'm really there any longer than I am now. What's another hour a day? And this week will be particularly sweet, as I only work Monday, Tuesday and Friday - I have jury duty on Thursday (not that I'll be selected, due to the break-in amongst other reasons), my AWS day falls this week, and then a long weekend for Memorial Day, which will be perfect for me to begin the semester with.
Despite all of the additional expenses because of the break-in, I'm actually all right, financial-wise. It's higher than I want it to be, but isn't everything? And I've decided that my federal tax refund will apply toward my bills, once again, so it'll all wash out in the end. I'll be a lot careful this time around not to run things up - of course, I've said that before, but this time I'm really going to try.
Last but not least... I received another Email from that guy that wrote me back around the holidays last year. That's the one that disappeared for months, then wrote again saying he was "thinking about me". I haven't really gone to much effort to write him, because I'm still ticked off about that - if someone's interested in you, a 4-month-long disappearance isn't the way to show it. But, eh, I guess I'm the flavor of the moment or something. Whatever. I'll play along - I don't have much else to do.
And that's about it. What an exciting life I lead, huh? :p
More later.
Showing posts with label money. Show all posts
Showing posts with label money. Show all posts
22 May 2011
06 May 2011
Attention, Baltimore thugs: you didn't break me. Sorry.
I have to work this quarter's Saturday shift tomorrow, so I ended up with today off, which was actually a bonus for me. It allowed me to get some things done that I might not have otherwise. A lot of the mess that was in the house before the break-in has been cleared away/fixed, and as a result, my anxiety levels have plummeted.
I've temporarily hung up a colorful tapestry over the damaged wall where the television was, and I actually like the look of it so much that I just may leave it there permanently. I'm reconsidering even replacing the TV at all, to be honest - it was indeed an idiot box, just hanging there, wasting a lot of my valuable time where I could have been doing other things. Like, say, cleaning. Or actually eating breakfast in the morning, fixing my hair to go to work, that sort of thing.
I'm aware that the last sentence in particular sounded really awful, but I can't lie - all of it is true. I'd neglect simple things like taking care of myself (by eating a necessary meal) or trying to make myself look at least a little better (fixing my hair) because I'd sit on my sofa and just stare into nothingness, trying to fool myself into believing that I needed that time just to "wake up". But it's bullshit, you know. I was awake. Just not... "there". Does that make sense?
It's not as if I ever really "watched" the damned thing, anyhow. It was background noise to try and blot out the fact that if I don't make sound in here, it's utterly silent and desolate. Or is it? It's only desolate if I choose it to be so.
The only thing that truly hurt, I think, was the loss of my computer equipment - partially because I'd just purchased it and it was like throwing 800 dollars out the window, but also because what little entertainment I do choose to watch, most of it is on my computer (be it in the form of movies or TV shows on DVD or something similar). Other than that - screw it, what do I care, the thugs can keep all that shit. Really!
I've changed over most of my accounts now, but there seems to be very little fallout from the break-in itself, which is good news. The two computers that they'd taken (yes, they managed to steal both my new one and the broken one, sheesh), I don't think they're going to get very far. The new one had a fingerprint recognition feature on it that makes trying to access it useless, and the broken one's battery was dead and they neglected to take the charger to fire it up. Dumbasses. Still, I canceled my accounts and set up new ones, just to be safe. It's a good thing that the broken one's battery WAS dead, because that one literally had nearly all of my financial information on it. Lesson learned - I'll never do THAT again. It's back to paper and pencil for me when it comes to my finances.
I've actually learned a LOT of lessons from this incident. I've been way too lax with my own security for a good portion of my life - perhaps because I had the false sense of feeling "invincible". After all, this has never happened to me before; why would I ever think about such things? It's been hit home to me that I do, indeed, need to think about it. I'm a single woman living alone in Baltimore City; while the area of town I live in isn't a "slum", it's on the edge of one where there's still a huge amount of drug activity and crime. I should have thought about this a long time ago. But it's not too late to start now, and I've done exactly that.
I had a security system installed this week, and I'm planning on installing security doors for both the front and back of the house. I'm also considering motion detectors for the backyard, the side of the house, and even bars on the back windows (though I really don't want to go that far - I don't want to feel as if I live in a prison - but it may be necessary). I've also changed some personal habits in that I now shut the blinds at all times unless I'm physically in the room, as well as leaving some lights on at night, and turning different ones on and off. And as soon as I can pick up the old desktop computer that my mother offered me, I'm going to begin scanning personal financial documents and shredding all of the old paper copies. The scans will go on a portable hard drive that will probably be locked up in a personal safe (that of course will be bolted to the floor to prevent anyone from taking THAT).
Too much, you say? Yeah, it might be. I may not go THIS far, but I do think that some of the above ideas are good ones. I have to work with one thing at a time, of course, because I'm facing down some pretty expensive stuff in the next few weeks. My credit card bill has already swelled past the comfort level because of having to replace the computer and get the alarm system installed. Sigh.
But if it means I'll be safe in my own house, so be it.
The one thing that keeps running through my mind, though, is that I'm thankful that I'm alive and that I didn't walk in on these assholes that did this. Because I live in a city where someone will shoot you in the head for a pair of 60 dollar Nike tennis shoes. And, yet, I still love my little house in the city. I still enjoy being here. No one with a drug addiction - or for that matter, any issue - is going to take that away from me.
I've taken my house back. Now I'm taking my life back.
I've temporarily hung up a colorful tapestry over the damaged wall where the television was, and I actually like the look of it so much that I just may leave it there permanently. I'm reconsidering even replacing the TV at all, to be honest - it was indeed an idiot box, just hanging there, wasting a lot of my valuable time where I could have been doing other things. Like, say, cleaning. Or actually eating breakfast in the morning, fixing my hair to go to work, that sort of thing.
I'm aware that the last sentence in particular sounded really awful, but I can't lie - all of it is true. I'd neglect simple things like taking care of myself (by eating a necessary meal) or trying to make myself look at least a little better (fixing my hair) because I'd sit on my sofa and just stare into nothingness, trying to fool myself into believing that I needed that time just to "wake up". But it's bullshit, you know. I was awake. Just not... "there". Does that make sense?
It's not as if I ever really "watched" the damned thing, anyhow. It was background noise to try and blot out the fact that if I don't make sound in here, it's utterly silent and desolate. Or is it? It's only desolate if I choose it to be so.
The only thing that truly hurt, I think, was the loss of my computer equipment - partially because I'd just purchased it and it was like throwing 800 dollars out the window, but also because what little entertainment I do choose to watch, most of it is on my computer (be it in the form of movies or TV shows on DVD or something similar). Other than that - screw it, what do I care, the thugs can keep all that shit. Really!
I've changed over most of my accounts now, but there seems to be very little fallout from the break-in itself, which is good news. The two computers that they'd taken (yes, they managed to steal both my new one and the broken one, sheesh), I don't think they're going to get very far. The new one had a fingerprint recognition feature on it that makes trying to access it useless, and the broken one's battery was dead and they neglected to take the charger to fire it up. Dumbasses. Still, I canceled my accounts and set up new ones, just to be safe. It's a good thing that the broken one's battery WAS dead, because that one literally had nearly all of my financial information on it. Lesson learned - I'll never do THAT again. It's back to paper and pencil for me when it comes to my finances.
I've actually learned a LOT of lessons from this incident. I've been way too lax with my own security for a good portion of my life - perhaps because I had the false sense of feeling "invincible". After all, this has never happened to me before; why would I ever think about such things? It's been hit home to me that I do, indeed, need to think about it. I'm a single woman living alone in Baltimore City; while the area of town I live in isn't a "slum", it's on the edge of one where there's still a huge amount of drug activity and crime. I should have thought about this a long time ago. But it's not too late to start now, and I've done exactly that.
I had a security system installed this week, and I'm planning on installing security doors for both the front and back of the house. I'm also considering motion detectors for the backyard, the side of the house, and even bars on the back windows (though I really don't want to go that far - I don't want to feel as if I live in a prison - but it may be necessary). I've also changed some personal habits in that I now shut the blinds at all times unless I'm physically in the room, as well as leaving some lights on at night, and turning different ones on and off. And as soon as I can pick up the old desktop computer that my mother offered me, I'm going to begin scanning personal financial documents and shredding all of the old paper copies. The scans will go on a portable hard drive that will probably be locked up in a personal safe (that of course will be bolted to the floor to prevent anyone from taking THAT).
Too much, you say? Yeah, it might be. I may not go THIS far, but I do think that some of the above ideas are good ones. I have to work with one thing at a time, of course, because I'm facing down some pretty expensive stuff in the next few weeks. My credit card bill has already swelled past the comfort level because of having to replace the computer and get the alarm system installed. Sigh.
But if it means I'll be safe in my own house, so be it.
The one thing that keeps running through my mind, though, is that I'm thankful that I'm alive and that I didn't walk in on these assholes that did this. Because I live in a city where someone will shoot you in the head for a pair of 60 dollar Nike tennis shoes. And, yet, I still love my little house in the city. I still enjoy being here. No one with a drug addiction - or for that matter, any issue - is going to take that away from me.
I've taken my house back. Now I'm taking my life back.
08 April 2011
Tonight, I am grateful.
Despite how it may look to most readers of this lovely little tome of mine, I do contemplate on heavier social and political matters from time to time. Nowhere was that more evident than tonight; if you keep up with the news, there was a real and serious threat of a government shutdown, which of course means that my job would be directly affected. Until approximately an hour ago, I was prepared to come to work on Monday morning and perform my duties, as difficult as they are, for no compensation. (I would have gotten paid eventually, considering that I am an "essential" employee - but my paychecks still wouldn't have been on time, disrupting my financial plans and so much more.) Luckily... I have been saved at the eleventh hour tonight, as the worthless idiots that make up our Congress have stopped bickering like whiny five year olds in the sandbox and have come up with a compromise.
Tonight, I am grateful that my job has been saved.
Tonight, I am grateful that I will continue to pay my mortgage, on time and in full.
Tonight, I am grateful that I am able to turn on my heat to combat the slight chill in the air. I am grateful that I will be warm and safe in my comfortable bed.
Tonight, I am grateful that I will eat another meal, and not worry about where it's coming from.
It's things like this averted shutdown that have made me realize just how very lucky I have it. Yeah, I suffer from mental illness. I suffer from avoidant personality disorder and my social life is in shambles. My track record with relationships sucks ass.
But I could have it so, so much worse.
Tonight.... I am TRULY grateful for everything I have.
Tonight, I am grateful that my job has been saved.
Tonight, I am grateful that I will continue to pay my mortgage, on time and in full.
Tonight, I am grateful that I am able to turn on my heat to combat the slight chill in the air. I am grateful that I will be warm and safe in my comfortable bed.
Tonight, I am grateful that I will eat another meal, and not worry about where it's coming from.
It's things like this averted shutdown that have made me realize just how very lucky I have it. Yeah, I suffer from mental illness. I suffer from avoidant personality disorder and my social life is in shambles. My track record with relationships sucks ass.
But I could have it so, so much worse.
Tonight.... I am TRULY grateful for everything I have.
11 February 2011
Now leaving the Twilight Zone....
I've been busy over the last week. As I've probably mentioned a few times on my social networking accounts and elsewhere, I've received my bed, it's set up, and I've been sleeping like a fiend all week long. Ever since, though, I've been doing more around this house than I have in the last 10 months combined - probably because I really don't have any more excuses to put it off, but also because the bed just looks so damned good set up and it's starting to tie together, if you will. There's finally things on the walls, though I still don't have nearly enough, and I'm beginning to get down to the business of taking stock, figuring out what I need, etc.
I know that I should have been doing this - hell, I should have finished this over six months ago. Better late than never, I guess.
Today has been a day of thinking for me. There's something on my mind that's been weighing heavily for a very long time, something that is finally beginning to release its once very, VERY powerful hold on me. I wish that I could begin talking about it, but it's still something that 1. remains quite painful in a lot of respects and 2. is quite recent and therefore fresh, something that I've not fully dealt with yet. It's not earth-shattering, trust me, but the situation more or less ruled my entire life for the last few years. Even a few months ago, I wasn't able to deal very well with it. Certain things that have been tied to this situation still hurt, like some music... some places... watching certain things. I'm beginning to take some of these things back, one piece at a time. But... it's beginning to fade away into the background. I know that I'm being vague about this, and I don't mean to be, but it's... still not something I can discuss yet. I will, one day, when I feel safe.
Valentine's Day is coming up. I don't feel at all sad about it. Sure, one of these days I'd love to be in a good relationship with someone - but until that day comes, I'm not going to lament over it. For the first time in my life, I am OKAY with being single. My life is finally my own, and I have no one to answer to. If I want to be honest with myself, I'm not really sure I want to give that much of myself away to someone. With very few exceptions, I've always been hurt when I've done that, and I won't risk being hurt like that again.
It'll have to be someone that's beyond, beyond, BEYOND special for me to give away even a small piece of my heart again. And we all know how rare that is.
The person that I had been exchanging Emails with back in October recently wrote me after a 4 month absence, saying that "he'd been thinking about me". That's nice, I guess, though my enthusiasm is dampened by the fact that he didn't bother to write me back - for 4 months. Somehow this isn't a compliment, I'm thinking. I gave him a response, but it's not likely I'm going to forget the lapse. Maybe that's harsh, but I'm just extremely cautious about who I'm going to let into "the inner circle". AvPD at work again, go figure.
Things are okay, otherwise. Work is still a huge pain in the ass, though it's starting to settle down once again (unless it's ME, which it could very well be - I've not been in a real great mood this week, but then that was obvious from my last post). I have to do another Saturday shift tomorrow, the second in two weeks, but then they'll leave me alone until May - just in time for school starting up again. I need to get on that, actually, because I have to decide what classes are next. I'm going to try three courses this semester instead of two - probably not the best of ideas, but I need to get jump-started on this degree. I don't want to still be in school 10 years from now. Or be in hock for yet more school loans. I'm already up over 10 grand in school loans - ugh, I saw that and I nearly cried, sigh.
It is what it is. It'll be worth it.
More later.
I know that I should have been doing this - hell, I should have finished this over six months ago. Better late than never, I guess.
Today has been a day of thinking for me. There's something on my mind that's been weighing heavily for a very long time, something that is finally beginning to release its once very, VERY powerful hold on me. I wish that I could begin talking about it, but it's still something that 1. remains quite painful in a lot of respects and 2. is quite recent and therefore fresh, something that I've not fully dealt with yet. It's not earth-shattering, trust me, but the situation more or less ruled my entire life for the last few years. Even a few months ago, I wasn't able to deal very well with it. Certain things that have been tied to this situation still hurt, like some music... some places... watching certain things. I'm beginning to take some of these things back, one piece at a time. But... it's beginning to fade away into the background. I know that I'm being vague about this, and I don't mean to be, but it's... still not something I can discuss yet. I will, one day, when I feel safe.
Valentine's Day is coming up. I don't feel at all sad about it. Sure, one of these days I'd love to be in a good relationship with someone - but until that day comes, I'm not going to lament over it. For the first time in my life, I am OKAY with being single. My life is finally my own, and I have no one to answer to. If I want to be honest with myself, I'm not really sure I want to give that much of myself away to someone. With very few exceptions, I've always been hurt when I've done that, and I won't risk being hurt like that again.
It'll have to be someone that's beyond, beyond, BEYOND special for me to give away even a small piece of my heart again. And we all know how rare that is.
The person that I had been exchanging Emails with back in October recently wrote me after a 4 month absence, saying that "he'd been thinking about me". That's nice, I guess, though my enthusiasm is dampened by the fact that he didn't bother to write me back - for 4 months. Somehow this isn't a compliment, I'm thinking. I gave him a response, but it's not likely I'm going to forget the lapse. Maybe that's harsh, but I'm just extremely cautious about who I'm going to let into "the inner circle". AvPD at work again, go figure.
Things are okay, otherwise. Work is still a huge pain in the ass, though it's starting to settle down once again (unless it's ME, which it could very well be - I've not been in a real great mood this week, but then that was obvious from my last post). I have to do another Saturday shift tomorrow, the second in two weeks, but then they'll leave me alone until May - just in time for school starting up again. I need to get on that, actually, because I have to decide what classes are next. I'm going to try three courses this semester instead of two - probably not the best of ideas, but I need to get jump-started on this degree. I don't want to still be in school 10 years from now. Or be in hock for yet more school loans. I'm already up over 10 grand in school loans - ugh, I saw that and I nearly cried, sigh.
It is what it is. It'll be worth it.
More later.
17 January 2011
One more step away from the sofa!
I've had the last four days off of work, though I've not really accomplished much around here. I did finally buy a bed, though, which is a definite step forward. I didn't get the bed that I really wanted, which was a nice TempurPedic (at nearly four thousand dollars, heh) - I did some thinking, then more thinking, then realized that it was a bit too lofty for my budget and "settled" for actually using the old mattress with a platform bed. It'll do. My body's not in THAT bad of a shape that I need a Tempur, at least not right away. The platform bed cost 400 dollars and I can still use my old mattress, which - if I want to be honest with myself - still has a lot of "life" left in it, as I only bought it in 2006. A lot of the reason why I wanted to get rid of the old mattress has to do with bad memories attached to it, but... well, if I allow myself to do that, I let whatever drives those bad memories win. Which I'm just not about to do.
Besides, I'll admit it - I'm also stingy enough with money to not want to spend 9 times that amount on anything, much less a bed, heh.
So that's the one I picked. I hope it looks as good upstairs as it does in the picture. Now I can work on buying rugs, furniture, other things for the house - perhaps I can finally make this place look like a real home instead of a hostel I just stay in.
I just wish I didn't have to spend money to do it. I just got out of debt - now I have to go right back in, sigh.
But it's worth it. Isn't it?
Besides, I'll admit it - I'm also stingy enough with money to not want to spend 9 times that amount on anything, much less a bed, heh.
So that's the one I picked. I hope it looks as good upstairs as it does in the picture. Now I can work on buying rugs, furniture, other things for the house - perhaps I can finally make this place look like a real home instead of a hostel I just stay in.
I just wish I didn't have to spend money to do it. I just got out of debt - now I have to go right back in, sigh.
But it's worth it. Isn't it?
12 December 2010
Starting to wind down.
The end of the year is fast approaching, and I've actually been ruminating over my annual "how did I do this year" post a bit early. Oh, I'm not going to do it right now, obviously. But I find it striking that I'm actually thinking about it this soon. I suspect that I'm very eager to "shut the books", if you will, and get on with this business of living for myself in '11. Some might say that this is a positive thing, my looking ahead, and I tend to concur that it is. I'm definitely in a much better place than I have been in some time.
My tenure with urine is about to come to an end, starting on January 3rd. All of the female testers will move to another unit - however, I shall not be going with them, at least that's what I'm hearing. The plan is that I shall stay at my current unit and do strictly computer work. To be honest, I'm not at all sorry about it. I've dealt with enough piss to fill a small lake over the years, and there are times where the women are so much more worse than the men, both in attitude and in personal hygiene. It's not all going to be peaches and cream, though: I still have to deal with the males while on the computer, and they tend to be nasty as well, but I won't have to deal with their body fluids - I can't ask for more than that. I'm hoping and praying that these next two weeks will go speedily.
The semester, for me, is over. I have exams this upcoming Wednesday. As usual, I'm not really feeling anxiety over them, though to be honest I haven't studied. I'm really weird about classes - I'll agonize over the actual work, but when it comes to taking tests, I don't feel much nervousness. I guess that's because I figure that I'll either know the material by then, or I won't. Not much to beat myself up over, I suppose. Anyhow, I'm profoundly relieved, because this past semester was difficult in a lot of respects. I have about six months off now, though, or at least until May, so I could definitely use the rest. I plan on getting this house together now that I've received my tax credit, spend a little time getting my life back together again.
I've decided not to go to New York for the new year, at least not this time - the reason being that I made my decision a little too late. I really need time to plan this out, not just go on the spur of the moment - especially with the terrorism threat level being so high right now. There's going to be more security up there than Fort Knox, and I'm not prepared to deal with it. I was thinking about going up on the night train, but from what I hear, Times Square is full by 4pm, and I'm not prepared to stand out in the freezing cold for 8 hours without getting things together. So I'm going to skip it this time, maybe I'll go next year. Or maybe for Thanksgiving, as I've always wanted to see the Macy's parade in person. I'll have to actually remember to mark it down, though, as I tend to forget until the holidays roll around again. Then I sit on my sofa that morning and say to myself, "Y'know, I think I'll do this... if I can remember." Hah. My mind's like a sieve, bleh.
I do plan on traveling a little more next year, even if it is just on the spur of the moment. Hop a train to New York and go shopping for the day, etc. I really need to start doing these things!
I've lost 4.2 pounds. I know, not a huge deal, but it is for me. I'm actively trying to lose weight now - that's yet another of my goals for '11. I'm not going to call these things "resolutions", because the minute I do that, I know it'll go by the wayside, and this is just too important to me, enough so that I'm honestly trying to do something about it instead of talking about it. Maybe I'll report on this week by week - that way I'll have some kind of a record and some kind of accountability to myself. Though I'm not going to put my starting weight. Oh, hell, no. Maybe if I ever get to where I want to be, I'll share that with you all so that your mouths will drop and you'll go "ZOMG we're so proud of you". Wouldn't that be something? :p
I'm a talkative soul this morning, but I have to run. I'm heading to Lowe's today to pick up some necessities for the house, like a ladder, a snow shovel, shit I'm going to need this winter. Just realized that if there's a blizzard this year, I have to clean off the entire corner. Sucks to be me. Meh.
Well, not really. :D
Peace, out.
My tenure with urine is about to come to an end, starting on January 3rd. All of the female testers will move to another unit - however, I shall not be going with them, at least that's what I'm hearing. The plan is that I shall stay at my current unit and do strictly computer work. To be honest, I'm not at all sorry about it. I've dealt with enough piss to fill a small lake over the years, and there are times where the women are so much more worse than the men, both in attitude and in personal hygiene. It's not all going to be peaches and cream, though: I still have to deal with the males while on the computer, and they tend to be nasty as well, but I won't have to deal with their body fluids - I can't ask for more than that. I'm hoping and praying that these next two weeks will go speedily.
The semester, for me, is over. I have exams this upcoming Wednesday. As usual, I'm not really feeling anxiety over them, though to be honest I haven't studied. I'm really weird about classes - I'll agonize over the actual work, but when it comes to taking tests, I don't feel much nervousness. I guess that's because I figure that I'll either know the material by then, or I won't. Not much to beat myself up over, I suppose. Anyhow, I'm profoundly relieved, because this past semester was difficult in a lot of respects. I have about six months off now, though, or at least until May, so I could definitely use the rest. I plan on getting this house together now that I've received my tax credit, spend a little time getting my life back together again.
I've decided not to go to New York for the new year, at least not this time - the reason being that I made my decision a little too late. I really need time to plan this out, not just go on the spur of the moment - especially with the terrorism threat level being so high right now. There's going to be more security up there than Fort Knox, and I'm not prepared to deal with it. I was thinking about going up on the night train, but from what I hear, Times Square is full by 4pm, and I'm not prepared to stand out in the freezing cold for 8 hours without getting things together. So I'm going to skip it this time, maybe I'll go next year. Or maybe for Thanksgiving, as I've always wanted to see the Macy's parade in person. I'll have to actually remember to mark it down, though, as I tend to forget until the holidays roll around again. Then I sit on my sofa that morning and say to myself, "Y'know, I think I'll do this... if I can remember." Hah. My mind's like a sieve, bleh.
I do plan on traveling a little more next year, even if it is just on the spur of the moment. Hop a train to New York and go shopping for the day, etc. I really need to start doing these things!
I've lost 4.2 pounds. I know, not a huge deal, but it is for me. I'm actively trying to lose weight now - that's yet another of my goals for '11. I'm not going to call these things "resolutions", because the minute I do that, I know it'll go by the wayside, and this is just too important to me, enough so that I'm honestly trying to do something about it instead of talking about it. Maybe I'll report on this week by week - that way I'll have some kind of a record and some kind of accountability to myself. Though I'm not going to put my starting weight. Oh, hell, no. Maybe if I ever get to where I want to be, I'll share that with you all so that your mouths will drop and you'll go "ZOMG we're so proud of you". Wouldn't that be something? :p
I'm a talkative soul this morning, but I have to run. I'm heading to Lowe's today to pick up some necessities for the house, like a ladder, a snow shovel, shit I'm going to need this winter. Just realized that if there's a blizzard this year, I have to clean off the entire corner. Sucks to be me. Meh.
Well, not really. :D
Peace, out.
03 December 2010
Happy thoughts.
The school semester is beginning to wind down, which for me is a profound relief. If there's one thing that I've learned from the past couple of months, it's not to take a biology course in tandem with a web design course. Ugh - what a pain in the ass it's been. I really don't know how well I'm going to do in either of these courses. I think I'll be all right with the biology, but the web design is touchy. It doesn't really matter, of course, as it's not required to obtain my degree. But I hate to think that I've wasted any time (as well as money, ugh). It has sparked a bit of an interest in CSS, though, and I may apply what I've learned toward redoing the entire design of this blog. I'd like to work on that, piecemeal, as I can. But I'll have to fit that in along with everything else I've been trying to do. It's been exhausting, to say the least.
I haven't been sleeping very well this week, not since Thanksgiving Day. It's not because of any underlying health problem or because I'm depressed - that's not it. I think it's just a matter of being totally thrown off schedule. It's funny, but you never realize how structured your life is (or can be) until your routine is completely interrupted. I've discovered that I rather like routine, something that shocks me, because I never really thought that was true about myself. I've made a lot of self-discoveries, though, in the last year, and I suspect that I'm on the brink of a lot more.
My tax credit money showed up this week. Lots to do now, I think. I'm paying off most, if not all, of my credit card bills with it, and now I can start with a clean slate - by Monday at the latest (I'm headed to the bank tomorrow, but they'll need a day or two to process everything). Then my creditors will be in for a rude shock, because I'm paying off the entire bill - they can suck it. The only bills I want now are my mortgage, my school loans, and the bill for the TempurPedic bed that I'm going to get (and yes, I'm going to have to finance that, we're looking at thousands of dollars - but it's worth it if I can sleep decently). Indeed, possibilities have now opened up far and wide. I'm looking forward to it, because now I can begin what's left of the rest of my life.
It's a little frightening to think about how far I've come in the last 2 years - never mind in the last 5. I really try not to stress over it, though, because as we know, stress is my enemy.
I'm doing a lot better, a HELL of a lot better, now than I was this time last year, in almost every way possible. The holidays are actually not affecting me, not the way that they did, anyhow. If I were to go away for a short trip this year I think I would actually be able to handle it mentally, but I believe I'll be staying home and just enjoying the quiet and the solitude. I was even thinking about buying some holiday decorations for the house - garland for the railing, candles in the windows, that sort of thing. Probably too late to do it now, but once everything goes on sale after Christmas, I may consider it. This is a far, far cry from sitting on a beach in Ocean City and thinking about doing myself in. This is progress!
Still, I'm cautious. I've said this so many times before. I've gotten my hopes up, only to have them not dashed, but steamrolled. But I'm staying as positive as I can.
I'd like to know when the epiphany happened, though. Or exactly what switch flipped inside of my head so that I'm no longer the sick, broken person I used to be. Because I'd destroy that switch so that it could never, ever flip back.
Ah, I'm rambling at this point and I need to open up the lab in a few minutes. But I wanted to just share my good feelings this morning, as it's relatively rare and I know that those of you who still bother to read this thing enjoy them so.
More later.
I haven't been sleeping very well this week, not since Thanksgiving Day. It's not because of any underlying health problem or because I'm depressed - that's not it. I think it's just a matter of being totally thrown off schedule. It's funny, but you never realize how structured your life is (or can be) until your routine is completely interrupted. I've discovered that I rather like routine, something that shocks me, because I never really thought that was true about myself. I've made a lot of self-discoveries, though, in the last year, and I suspect that I'm on the brink of a lot more.
My tax credit money showed up this week. Lots to do now, I think. I'm paying off most, if not all, of my credit card bills with it, and now I can start with a clean slate - by Monday at the latest (I'm headed to the bank tomorrow, but they'll need a day or two to process everything). Then my creditors will be in for a rude shock, because I'm paying off the entire bill - they can suck it. The only bills I want now are my mortgage, my school loans, and the bill for the TempurPedic bed that I'm going to get (and yes, I'm going to have to finance that, we're looking at thousands of dollars - but it's worth it if I can sleep decently). Indeed, possibilities have now opened up far and wide. I'm looking forward to it, because now I can begin what's left of the rest of my life.
It's a little frightening to think about how far I've come in the last 2 years - never mind in the last 5. I really try not to stress over it, though, because as we know, stress is my enemy.
I'm doing a lot better, a HELL of a lot better, now than I was this time last year, in almost every way possible. The holidays are actually not affecting me, not the way that they did, anyhow. If I were to go away for a short trip this year I think I would actually be able to handle it mentally, but I believe I'll be staying home and just enjoying the quiet and the solitude. I was even thinking about buying some holiday decorations for the house - garland for the railing, candles in the windows, that sort of thing. Probably too late to do it now, but once everything goes on sale after Christmas, I may consider it. This is a far, far cry from sitting on a beach in Ocean City and thinking about doing myself in. This is progress!
Still, I'm cautious. I've said this so many times before. I've gotten my hopes up, only to have them not dashed, but steamrolled. But I'm staying as positive as I can.
I'd like to know when the epiphany happened, though. Or exactly what switch flipped inside of my head so that I'm no longer the sick, broken person I used to be. Because I'd destroy that switch so that it could never, ever flip back.
Ah, I'm rambling at this point and I need to open up the lab in a few minutes. But I wanted to just share my good feelings this morning, as it's relatively rare and I know that those of you who still bother to read this thing enjoy them so.
More later.
30 November 2010
Starting to feel the exhaustion.
It's strange, but I find that when the depression was much worse than it is now, I actually had a better grip on things as far as school and work and juggling schedules were concerned. Now that I'm not feeling as badly anymore, it's all starting to crash down onto my shoulders. I have been so freaking tired lately, and I can't figure out why. My grades are definitely starting to slip - I received a C on my last biology paper, which for me is not usual. But what I've noticed is that I'm actually beginning not to stress over a low grade - Jesus, who cares when I can barely hold my head up at the end of a workday?
Lots of bad news coming from that quarter, by the way. No, my job is fine - trust me, as long as there's drugs in the nation's capital I will always have a job, heh - but I'm losing a couple of key benefits at the end of the year, mainly the cost of living increase (it's been frozen for the next two years - I'm sure you've heard about it by now, and if you haven't, go here) and the reduction of my transit benefit. The pay freeze doesn't really bother me, to be honest - I'm willing as a federal worker to do my part and it's not like I'm missing it, anyway. But I am upset about my transit benefit, because the cost of my ticket is going to double - and that's an expense I can ill afford right now. Unfortunately, there's really nothing I can do but roll with it and try to make things work. Methinks it may be time to sell off a few things again.
And people think the Federal government pays so well. Hah! If only they knew!
Tuesday again. Coming off of a double shift from last night. How the fuck do I manage to keep going? Seriously, just...how? I am exhausted, in more ways than one. I'm counting down the days to December 15th when I can get my stupid exams out of the way and then take OFF from school altogether until June. I can't wait for that. Maybe by then I'll have the tax credit done (so they keep telling me, anyway), pay off these damned bills that are still on my back, finally get this house together after nearly a year of living in stark emptiness. Wouldn't that be nice, right?
Meh. I just want this day over with. I'll deal with the rest later.
Cheers.
Lots of bad news coming from that quarter, by the way. No, my job is fine - trust me, as long as there's drugs in the nation's capital I will always have a job, heh - but I'm losing a couple of key benefits at the end of the year, mainly the cost of living increase (it's been frozen for the next two years - I'm sure you've heard about it by now, and if you haven't, go here) and the reduction of my transit benefit. The pay freeze doesn't really bother me, to be honest - I'm willing as a federal worker to do my part and it's not like I'm missing it, anyway. But I am upset about my transit benefit, because the cost of my ticket is going to double - and that's an expense I can ill afford right now. Unfortunately, there's really nothing I can do but roll with it and try to make things work. Methinks it may be time to sell off a few things again.
And people think the Federal government pays so well. Hah! If only they knew!
Tuesday again. Coming off of a double shift from last night. How the fuck do I manage to keep going? Seriously, just...how? I am exhausted, in more ways than one. I'm counting down the days to December 15th when I can get my stupid exams out of the way and then take OFF from school altogether until June. I can't wait for that. Maybe by then I'll have the tax credit done (so they keep telling me, anyway), pay off these damned bills that are still on my back, finally get this house together after nearly a year of living in stark emptiness. Wouldn't that be nice, right?
Meh. I just want this day over with. I'll deal with the rest later.
Cheers.
25 November 2010
Where is the time going?
It seems that I can barely keep up with things these days, but that might be a good omen. As it is, I should be in bed right now, as I have to work tomorrow (instead of shopping like all of the deal-seeking morons on Black Friday) - but I've been perusing the online sales instead. (Hey... I may be a deal-seeking moron, but I have enough sense to do it online.)
There's so much that I need. I don't know where to start. Do I buy things for the kitchen or the bathroom? Or the bedroom? Where do I begin? I have so many ideas and so little money - or time. I don't even know which way my head's spinning at the moment. But I'm not really stressing out too much over it all. I have time. I'm not going anywhere.
I've had a decent Thanksgiving. For once, the holidays aren't getting me down. I've decided to spend New Year's Eve in New York's Times Square. That should be the last place I'd want to go, seeing that it's overcrowded and crazy; but it's something that I really want to see once in my life - and 2011 is going to be all about me. I'm putting myself first.
Anyhow. This is really just a quick update, for now, but I'm planning on writing a bit more when I have time. That is, if I get time, heh.
More later.
There's so much that I need. I don't know where to start. Do I buy things for the kitchen or the bathroom? Or the bedroom? Where do I begin? I have so many ideas and so little money - or time. I don't even know which way my head's spinning at the moment. But I'm not really stressing out too much over it all. I have time. I'm not going anywhere.
I've had a decent Thanksgiving. For once, the holidays aren't getting me down. I've decided to spend New Year's Eve in New York's Times Square. That should be the last place I'd want to go, seeing that it's overcrowded and crazy; but it's something that I really want to see once in my life - and 2011 is going to be all about me. I'm putting myself first.
Anyhow. This is really just a quick update, for now, but I'm planning on writing a bit more when I have time. That is, if I get time, heh.
More later.
14 November 2010
Better!
I've been feeling kind of shit the last few days - I think that I had a mild depressive attack - but it's starting to dissipate and though I'm still tired (as is always the case afterward), things are starting to pick up again. I'm a bit excited because I'm finally starting to understand the concepts of CSS, which is great news for me. I'll finally be able to do more with this blog, if I choose to, than this simple little design that I've got up here now. Oh, it's not terrible - I've seen much worse than what's on this blog, but I really want to be able to make this more "interactive", I suppose. A bit more personal, perhaps. I've seen some really nice-looking sites, and I want to be able to design in that manner. It's obvious that straight HTML is so 90's, heh.
Also, I'll be coming into a little money from the award ceremonies this week. It's not a huge amount, and it's not nearly enough to get everything I need, but it's a good start. I was thinking about buying a dishwasher with some of it. Gah, I'm so lazy, but I'll admit it - I hate doing dishes, hate hate hate hate it. Not too good of a situation for someone who likes to cook, now is it?
I've thought about a Kindle, as well. Or another vacation somewhere. I don't know. What I really should do is pay bills with it, but it's not going to be enough to clear out what I want to clear out, and I really just need too much right now. I wish that I had enough to buy a bed, but alas... not to be.
The tax credit still hasn't shown up. We're now going into the 28th week of waiting. That's right - 28 weeks, otherwise known as 7 months. I've pretty much given up hope that I'll ever receive it. It's a good thing that I'm almost used to this sofa now, though if I ever get to buy the bed I'll have a hard time adjusting to that. Sigh.
I should be in bed now - it's after 1am - but I don't know, I've been sleeping a LOT recently, and it's been worrying me. I had a rare Thursday off last week and I literally spent all of it sleeping. As well as all of Friday night - from 7pm to nearly 9am this morning. That seriously worries me, this sleeping 12 and 14 hours a day. It's reminiscent of what I used to do when I was seriously depressed and sick. I hope that this isn't a sign of it coming back.
Also, I'll be coming into a little money from the award ceremonies this week. It's not a huge amount, and it's not nearly enough to get everything I need, but it's a good start. I was thinking about buying a dishwasher with some of it. Gah, I'm so lazy, but I'll admit it - I hate doing dishes, hate hate hate hate it. Not too good of a situation for someone who likes to cook, now is it?
I've thought about a Kindle, as well. Or another vacation somewhere. I don't know. What I really should do is pay bills with it, but it's not going to be enough to clear out what I want to clear out, and I really just need too much right now. I wish that I had enough to buy a bed, but alas... not to be.
The tax credit still hasn't shown up. We're now going into the 28th week of waiting. That's right - 28 weeks, otherwise known as 7 months. I've pretty much given up hope that I'll ever receive it. It's a good thing that I'm almost used to this sofa now, though if I ever get to buy the bed I'll have a hard time adjusting to that. Sigh.
I should be in bed now - it's after 1am - but I don't know, I've been sleeping a LOT recently, and it's been worrying me. I had a rare Thursday off last week and I literally spent all of it sleeping. As well as all of Friday night - from 7pm to nearly 9am this morning. That seriously worries me, this sleeping 12 and 14 hours a day. It's reminiscent of what I used to do when I was seriously depressed and sick. I hope that this isn't a sign of it coming back.
21 August 2010
Hmmm.
I know I haven't been around for quite a while. It's been, yet again, another strange week. Things have happened that are a little too painful to talk about right now (i.e, recent negativity), and yet... yesterday and today I've been queerly happy, contented, even somewhat settled. It could be that in letting go of what has been hurting (even as a vague, somewhat nettling ache), I have been rewarded with the feeling of peace.
It could be that I am finally living my life on my terms, without feeling the need to please anyone but myself. True, I may not have much of a "life" right now - I basically eat, sleep, shit, go to work, come home, pet Miss Thang every now and then, do what I feel I am mentally capable of doing that day - but this light, simple routine has made all of the difference. It also could be that I know I'm going back to therapy and therefore my traitorous mind has settled down into a 'normal' pattern - which, of course, will make me look crazy and idiotic to the doctor. Sigh. I don't know, but I'll grab any feeling of peace that I can get right now.
The IRS has sent back a letter demanding more paperwork. Meh. So it's all copied and ready to send down to the post office on Monday morning. Overnight. With registered mail confirmation. I'm done playing with these jerk-offs. Obama promised me eight thousand dollars, and I want it, goddamnit. I want a real bed to sleep on and real dishes to eat off of.
Another semester is done at UMUC. I finished my Spanish exam last night, and am turning in my final crim report tomorrow evening before I go to bed. Then, a month to relax and get it together before the next semester - biology and web design, bleh, but it's seven credits closer to my goal. After this upcoming semester, I'll already be halfway done to a degree. Seems REALLY hard to believe - I feel like I've just started. I may have to start taking three classes at a clip so that I can possibly finish this before I'm too far from 40. It's not like my time is being filled with anything else at the moment, so what the hell.
In the last few days, I've managed to think - clearly - about my plans for the future and what I want out of life. And it's turned out that I actually still have dreams, unbelievably. I'd love to finish this degree, improve this house, I still have some hobbies on the back burner that I'd like to pursue again (tie-dying, beading, that sort of hippie shit, heh). And, of course, I want to travel, all over the world. I'd love to go back to Australia one day, maybe the U.K., South America - I'd love to see the Panama Canal or go to Costa Rica or Ecuador. Maybe that Spanish I took would be good for something, heh. I'm planning a huge blowout for my 40th birthday, some place that's exotic and impossible to get to without a lot of time and preparation, I'm going to do it up. One would think that Australia is exotic and impossible to get to - and it is - but it might be there, it might be South America.... or Antarctica. Shit, how many people have been to Antarctica before? I'd bet not many!
In any case, I'm going to celebrate my 40th, when it comes. I'm going to celebrate the fact that I am alive, and that I've fought all of these demons for so long and I'm still fucking HERE. For today, depression isn't going to get the best of me. Tomorrow, maybe I might not feel that way, but today - it won't. And I think that's the person that I really am, deep beneath all of the sadness and the pain.
One of my closest friends, who understands me better than any person walking, once said that I was steel. He's right.
It could be that I am finally living my life on my terms, without feeling the need to please anyone but myself. True, I may not have much of a "life" right now - I basically eat, sleep, shit, go to work, come home, pet Miss Thang every now and then, do what I feel I am mentally capable of doing that day - but this light, simple routine has made all of the difference. It also could be that I know I'm going back to therapy and therefore my traitorous mind has settled down into a 'normal' pattern - which, of course, will make me look crazy and idiotic to the doctor. Sigh. I don't know, but I'll grab any feeling of peace that I can get right now.
The IRS has sent back a letter demanding more paperwork. Meh. So it's all copied and ready to send down to the post office on Monday morning. Overnight. With registered mail confirmation. I'm done playing with these jerk-offs. Obama promised me eight thousand dollars, and I want it, goddamnit. I want a real bed to sleep on and real dishes to eat off of.
Another semester is done at UMUC. I finished my Spanish exam last night, and am turning in my final crim report tomorrow evening before I go to bed. Then, a month to relax and get it together before the next semester - biology and web design, bleh, but it's seven credits closer to my goal. After this upcoming semester, I'll already be halfway done to a degree. Seems REALLY hard to believe - I feel like I've just started. I may have to start taking three classes at a clip so that I can possibly finish this before I'm too far from 40. It's not like my time is being filled with anything else at the moment, so what the hell.
In the last few days, I've managed to think - clearly - about my plans for the future and what I want out of life. And it's turned out that I actually still have dreams, unbelievably. I'd love to finish this degree, improve this house, I still have some hobbies on the back burner that I'd like to pursue again (tie-dying, beading, that sort of hippie shit, heh). And, of course, I want to travel, all over the world. I'd love to go back to Australia one day, maybe the U.K., South America - I'd love to see the Panama Canal or go to Costa Rica or Ecuador. Maybe that Spanish I took would be good for something, heh. I'm planning a huge blowout for my 40th birthday, some place that's exotic and impossible to get to without a lot of time and preparation, I'm going to do it up. One would think that Australia is exotic and impossible to get to - and it is - but it might be there, it might be South America.... or Antarctica. Shit, how many people have been to Antarctica before? I'd bet not many!
In any case, I'm going to celebrate my 40th, when it comes. I'm going to celebrate the fact that I am alive, and that I've fought all of these demons for so long and I'm still fucking HERE. For today, depression isn't going to get the best of me. Tomorrow, maybe I might not feel that way, but today - it won't. And I think that's the person that I really am, deep beneath all of the sadness and the pain.
One of my closest friends, who understands me better than any person walking, once said that I was steel. He's right.
07 February 2010
Ack, snowed in.
I haven't been at work since Thursday evening, but that's good in a way. I've been relaxing, doing a bit of schoolwork, just getting things together. It's been a nice change of pace. I don't have work tomorrow, either, as the gubmint's closed.
I've been paying off my debt at a phenomenal rate. I just got rid of over 1500 dollars' worth of debt this weekend, and I'm on a roll to dump even more. My primary concern is getting those FICO scores up and my credit in good shape - I am determined to buy that house I want. Maybe not right away - I'm actually thinking about waiting for 7 years now as opposed to the 2 I was planning on - but it'll happen. In the meantime, I'm looking at houses in neighborhoods that I'm interested in. Again, the old waiting game. But I'm willing to play along, at least for now. My previous comment about Suze Orman, I take that back. I've read a lot of websites in the last few days that don't think too much of her strategies. Also, the fact that Oprah Winfrey endorses her doesn't say much in my opinion, either.
I haven't been around or written much because there's really not much to write about. Nothing's happened, good or bad. I've noticed that the attacks have dwindled to nearly nothing, and that's a very good sign, but I still don't consider myself out of the woods just yet. The last attack was about two weeks ago. I'm waiting on it to come again. We'll see.
I've noticed that staying away from certain people and places has greatly helped toward alleviating and discouraging further depressive episodes. This is very good, and I plan on remaining away from such situations. Unfortunately, my social life has again dwindled to nothing - but in some ways, it's really not that much of a loss, as I've never been a "people person" to begin with. I guess there's time to make new friends... at least maybe I'll try to. I don't know. Hard to do when you think most people are idiots, I guess.
The city is quiet tonight, thanks to the snowstorm making people unable to drive. I like it. I wish it was like this more often.
Anyhow, that's all for now, I suppose. Things are steady. I guess that's all I can ask for.
I've been paying off my debt at a phenomenal rate. I just got rid of over 1500 dollars' worth of debt this weekend, and I'm on a roll to dump even more. My primary concern is getting those FICO scores up and my credit in good shape - I am determined to buy that house I want. Maybe not right away - I'm actually thinking about waiting for 7 years now as opposed to the 2 I was planning on - but it'll happen. In the meantime, I'm looking at houses in neighborhoods that I'm interested in. Again, the old waiting game. But I'm willing to play along, at least for now. My previous comment about Suze Orman, I take that back. I've read a lot of websites in the last few days that don't think too much of her strategies. Also, the fact that Oprah Winfrey endorses her doesn't say much in my opinion, either.
I haven't been around or written much because there's really not much to write about. Nothing's happened, good or bad. I've noticed that the attacks have dwindled to nearly nothing, and that's a very good sign, but I still don't consider myself out of the woods just yet. The last attack was about two weeks ago. I'm waiting on it to come again. We'll see.
I've noticed that staying away from certain people and places has greatly helped toward alleviating and discouraging further depressive episodes. This is very good, and I plan on remaining away from such situations. Unfortunately, my social life has again dwindled to nothing - but in some ways, it's really not that much of a loss, as I've never been a "people person" to begin with. I guess there's time to make new friends... at least maybe I'll try to. I don't know. Hard to do when you think most people are idiots, I guess.
The city is quiet tonight, thanks to the snowstorm making people unable to drive. I like it. I wish it was like this more often.
Anyhow, that's all for now, I suppose. Things are steady. I guess that's all I can ask for.
26 October 2009
I've been a spendy thing as of late.
This weekend, I've added a brand new Asus U50 notebook to the current arsenal of computers that reside in my house. I bought this one to replace the Dell Inspiron that my mother "lent" me way back when, the same one that I took to Australia with me. The old Dell was quite frankly a piece of crap - she bought as cheaply as she could and it showed - and it finally gave up the ghost this past weekend. It still works, but when you have to secure the cord with duct tape in order to make it stay in, there's a problem with it as far as I'm concerned. Therefore, the Asus. So far I'm finding it a really nice piece of equipment, though Windows 7 is taking some getting used to. I must say, this is hand-holding at its best, this op system is so simple that a person with an IQ below 70 could manage it. Which means most of the population, heh...
Also: I've booked another cruise, but this time I'm going alone and I'm traveling on a different line. I've selected Carnival, I'm hoping there'll be more people there under 65, heh. I'm going to find out if the bad time that I had was really because I hate cruising, or because of the company I kept. I have a nasty feeling that it was the latter, because I'm already somewhat excited about this, way more than I was for the other cruise. It's not for another year, though, so it's waaaay off. But I'm looking forward to it. This one's to the Bahamas, a place I've never been. I meant it when I said I was going to travel for a bit before I "settled down", and now's the time to do it. I'm also planning on going to Europe at one point next year, as well as possibly going back to Australia - though I don't know if I can swing that either financially or time-off wise. We'll see.
Other than spending a fuckload of money recently, there's really nothing new to report. Work sucks as usual, but it's not sucking any more than normal. Life is okay. I'm not really overly excited about much, but at the same time, things aren't going terribly, either. I guess that I'm just sort of... waiting for what's going to come up, be it positive or negative. Maybe that's a bad thing, just... waiting. But isn't that what we all do, really? Some just don't put a label on it. Sometimes I do wish my life were more exciting, though, but I'm aware that 1. I'm the one that needs to put excitement into it and 2. in some ways I've had more than enough excitement for one lifetime. It may not seem so to you, dear Reader, but my life has been one constant excitement after another, and I'm honestly enjoying peace, whatever semblance of it that I can get. Some of you have a good idea of what I've been through, but some of you don't know a thing or can't even imagine it. That's okay. Stick around, kids, you'll find out over time, I have no doubt of that.
Not much planned for next weekend. I have a paper due on Sunday, and I'm going bowling for Halloween, at least part of the day. Other than that, not much else for now. Maybe I can... heh, find some excitement?
If you're in the Maryland/DC/Virginia area, I'm up for whatever you've got in mind, just let me know before, say, Thursday. As some would say, "Holla at me". :p
Okay. You know I'm better if I'm actually inviting you people to go out. Goddamn. :D
Enough for now. Mwah and stuff of that nature.
P.S. I saw "Where the Wild Things Are" last night. Well-made film. But depressing as shit. You've been warned.
Also: I've booked another cruise, but this time I'm going alone and I'm traveling on a different line. I've selected Carnival, I'm hoping there'll be more people there under 65, heh. I'm going to find out if the bad time that I had was really because I hate cruising, or because of the company I kept. I have a nasty feeling that it was the latter, because I'm already somewhat excited about this, way more than I was for the other cruise. It's not for another year, though, so it's waaaay off. But I'm looking forward to it. This one's to the Bahamas, a place I've never been. I meant it when I said I was going to travel for a bit before I "settled down", and now's the time to do it. I'm also planning on going to Europe at one point next year, as well as possibly going back to Australia - though I don't know if I can swing that either financially or time-off wise. We'll see.
Other than spending a fuckload of money recently, there's really nothing new to report. Work sucks as usual, but it's not sucking any more than normal. Life is okay. I'm not really overly excited about much, but at the same time, things aren't going terribly, either. I guess that I'm just sort of... waiting for what's going to come up, be it positive or negative. Maybe that's a bad thing, just... waiting. But isn't that what we all do, really? Some just don't put a label on it. Sometimes I do wish my life were more exciting, though, but I'm aware that 1. I'm the one that needs to put excitement into it and 2. in some ways I've had more than enough excitement for one lifetime. It may not seem so to you, dear Reader, but my life has been one constant excitement after another, and I'm honestly enjoying peace, whatever semblance of it that I can get. Some of you have a good idea of what I've been through, but some of you don't know a thing or can't even imagine it. That's okay. Stick around, kids, you'll find out over time, I have no doubt of that.
Not much planned for next weekend. I have a paper due on Sunday, and I'm going bowling for Halloween, at least part of the day. Other than that, not much else for now. Maybe I can... heh, find some excitement?
If you're in the Maryland/DC/Virginia area, I'm up for whatever you've got in mind, just let me know before, say, Thursday. As some would say, "Holla at me". :p
Okay. You know I'm better if I'm actually inviting you people to go out. Goddamn. :D
Enough for now. Mwah and stuff of that nature.
P.S. I saw "Where the Wild Things Are" last night. Well-made film. But depressing as shit. You've been warned.
05 July 2009
Hrm....she said thoughtfully.
sydney sunset II.
Originally uploaded by Cathelain
I'm testing out new functions to the blog. If you haven't noticed the sidebars recently, I've added a few things - I've included a badge for the Flickr photoservice. The pictures highlighted are mine, as is the one appearing in this post. It's a picture that I took in Sydney this time almost a year ago when I was coming home from Taronga Zoo on the harbour boat. I remember this day as one of the happiest of my life.
Do let me know what you think of my pictures. I'm sort of an amateur (very amateur) photographer, and I strive to make my work better all the time.
I've also included a few other things, it's just part of making the blog a little better.
My weekend's been slow, but good. I really needed the rest. I've been shopping for clothes for the upcoming cruise as of late, but I'm not in debt, thanks to a little bonus I received recently. All in all, it's been a good couple of days. I need to finish my stupid classwork tomorrow, as well as do laundry, but that won't be a huge deal.
Anything not to have to take urine! :p
My life's just so bloody exciting, I know. Your heart can stop pounding now. :p
19 February 2009
I'm in utter shock!
I'm back in school. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, after a lapse of nearly 20 years, I've taken the plunge and applied to UMUC for a B.S. degree in criminal justice (major)/forensics (minor).
Was it the right thing to do? At this point in my life, I feel that it is. While my MDD isn't completely under control - yet - the Wellbutrin and buspirone have made things so much better for me lately that I feel that I can start learning again. I'm going to take it very easy at first - just two classes during the summer session - and they're all online, so that'll make it easy for me to fit them into my schedule. It may take me 8 or 9 years to finish at that rate, but you know... at least I'm doing it, and in 8 or 9 years I'll have something I can be proud of. I always wanted to go back to school, to repair the damage that I did to my own life - so now's the time, or at least I feel that it is.
I have a good job, yes, especially now with all of the layoffs and unemployment going on. But it's never been in my nature to just.. stop aiming for something a little better. I sure don't want to be taking urine samples for the rest of my life! Just like when I was at CompUSA and not wanting to return "broken" computer products (that we knew damned well weren't broken) for the rest of my life, though for a time that's all I thought I was good for. Like everything else negative, I'm finding that maybe that's just not the case...
Anyway, we'll see. I still can't believe that I did something this crazy. Where the hell am I going to get the money for this... ahhh, well. What's done is done. I'll work it out somehow. This is something worth going into debt for, heh.
This quote from Rita Mae Brown's "Six Of One" sums it up nicely: "Put your money in your head, that way no one can take it from you."
Was it the right thing to do? At this point in my life, I feel that it is. While my MDD isn't completely under control - yet - the Wellbutrin and buspirone have made things so much better for me lately that I feel that I can start learning again. I'm going to take it very easy at first - just two classes during the summer session - and they're all online, so that'll make it easy for me to fit them into my schedule. It may take me 8 or 9 years to finish at that rate, but you know... at least I'm doing it, and in 8 or 9 years I'll have something I can be proud of. I always wanted to go back to school, to repair the damage that I did to my own life - so now's the time, or at least I feel that it is.
I have a good job, yes, especially now with all of the layoffs and unemployment going on. But it's never been in my nature to just.. stop aiming for something a little better. I sure don't want to be taking urine samples for the rest of my life! Just like when I was at CompUSA and not wanting to return "broken" computer products (that we knew damned well weren't broken) for the rest of my life, though for a time that's all I thought I was good for. Like everything else negative, I'm finding that maybe that's just not the case...
Anyway, we'll see. I still can't believe that I did something this crazy. Where the hell am I going to get the money for this... ahhh, well. What's done is done. I'll work it out somehow. This is something worth going into debt for, heh.
This quote from Rita Mae Brown's "Six Of One" sums it up nicely: "Put your money in your head, that way no one can take it from you."
08 January 2009
Things have picked up in the last couple of days, ack.
First of all, I will reiterate - Thursdays at the drug collection unit suck, bar none. Everyone in the place today either was screamed at by nearly incoherent, uneducated D.C. drug users, or were totally grossed out by their horribly nasty hygiene (or lack of!) habits. I was in the latter camp today, heh, and I'm not even sure if this could be considered a "good" thing.
WARNING: Do not read the next few sentences if you get ill easily or if you're eating. You've been warned.
One of the women I escorted today was ill with... let's say a little bit of a diarrhea problem. So what happens? Yes, ladies and gentlemen, you guessed it right - when she puts the cup between her thighs and lets go... a little of some very watery and NASTY smelling #2 went right into the cup with the #1. And guess who has to carry this foul concoction back to the storage area, sloshing about in the opaque plastic cup? If you guessed yours truly... you win the brand-new car.
Ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh. My federal job is not as "glamorous" as everyone thinks it is, heh.
END OF DISCLAIMER: You may now start reading/eating again, the rest of this post is safe, heh.
Anyhow, there's some good news on the horizon.
a.) I got a cost of living raise - while everyone else is struggling to hold on to their jobs or they're being laid off left and right... I'm actually making more money now than I ever have in my life. It's not much, but let me tell you what - it's a fuckload next to the guy that doesn't have a job anymore, so... my job might not be "glamorous", but Goddamn if I don't have a good-paying job... hell, a job, heh. I can't complain. Even if the above-mentioned scenario happens.
b.) I kin haf kitteh! Basically I'm one step from adopting a fabulous cat from the Feline Rescue Assocation - her picture is here. Her name's Dandy Lion, and I think I'm honestly going to keep the name - it smacks of slight cleverness. Lizzie from the FRA has been so lovely and gracious to me during this whole process. If you live in Maryland or thereabouts and you need a cat to warm your heart, feet and bed (and shouldn't everyone?), you should most definitely give the FRA a call - these are people that truly care about cats and their welfare and well-being. I can't wait to see her. :D
c.) I gave blood today, and let me tell you... my arm hurts like hell. But it's for a good cause. I have a rare blood type (antigen A, Rhesus negative, about 6-7% of the U.S. population has it) that's needed quite a bit, so that's more cause for "celebration", I suppose. Anyway, I got a thermal blanket and a couple of brownies out of the whole endeavor, heh, but I'd have done it for free. I know if I ever need a transfusion, it'll come back to me, you know what I mean?
d.) My computer is fixed once again - thanks so much, Ben (again, lol). Music stea... errr, acquiring shall be done this weekend.
e.) Tomorrow starts the weekend. Isn't that always a cause for celebration?
Things are beginning to pick up, for which I'm profoundly glad. We shall see what happens from here.
One note: my friend Kimberley's blog is now in the blogroll - read and enjoy. She has a fabulous layout. I wish I was that good. And more improvements are coming shortly.
Cheers.
WARNING: Do not read the next few sentences if you get ill easily or if you're eating. You've been warned.
One of the women I escorted today was ill with... let's say a little bit of a diarrhea problem. So what happens? Yes, ladies and gentlemen, you guessed it right - when she puts the cup between her thighs and lets go... a little of some very watery and NASTY smelling #2 went right into the cup with the #1. And guess who has to carry this foul concoction back to the storage area, sloshing about in the opaque plastic cup? If you guessed yours truly... you win the brand-new car.
Ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh. My federal job is not as "glamorous" as everyone thinks it is, heh.
END OF DISCLAIMER: You may now start reading/eating again, the rest of this post is safe, heh.
Anyhow, there's some good news on the horizon.
a.) I got a cost of living raise - while everyone else is struggling to hold on to their jobs or they're being laid off left and right... I'm actually making more money now than I ever have in my life. It's not much, but let me tell you what - it's a fuckload next to the guy that doesn't have a job anymore, so... my job might not be "glamorous", but Goddamn if I don't have a good-paying job... hell, a job, heh. I can't complain. Even if the above-mentioned scenario happens.
b.) I kin haf kitteh! Basically I'm one step from adopting a fabulous cat from the Feline Rescue Assocation - her picture is here. Her name's Dandy Lion, and I think I'm honestly going to keep the name - it smacks of slight cleverness. Lizzie from the FRA has been so lovely and gracious to me during this whole process. If you live in Maryland or thereabouts and you need a cat to warm your heart, feet and bed (and shouldn't everyone?), you should most definitely give the FRA a call - these are people that truly care about cats and their welfare and well-being. I can't wait to see her. :D
c.) I gave blood today, and let me tell you... my arm hurts like hell. But it's for a good cause. I have a rare blood type (antigen A, Rhesus negative, about 6-7% of the U.S. population has it) that's needed quite a bit, so that's more cause for "celebration", I suppose. Anyway, I got a thermal blanket and a couple of brownies out of the whole endeavor, heh, but I'd have done it for free. I know if I ever need a transfusion, it'll come back to me, you know what I mean?
d.) My computer is fixed once again - thanks so much, Ben (again, lol). Music stea... errr, acquiring shall be done this weekend.
e.) Tomorrow starts the weekend. Isn't that always a cause for celebration?
Things are beginning to pick up, for which I'm profoundly glad. We shall see what happens from here.
One note: my friend Kimberley's blog is now in the blogroll - read and enjoy. She has a fabulous layout. I wish I was that good. And more improvements are coming shortly.
Cheers.
22 December 2008
Holiday rambling.
Not too much to talk about tonight, as I'm tired, cold and trying to get the week over with. I have four days off coming up - the federal gubmint was generous and gave us the 26th off - so that'll be nice to get some work around the house accomplished, etc.
I know, I know. Not very festive, is it. Thing is that Christmas doesn't really mean that much to me anymore, I sort of think of it as a kids' holiday. Since I don't (and don't plan to) have kids, I find myself disinterested in the whole thing. I've stayed as far away from TV, radio, Christmas displays, etc., as possible. My depression's been kicking up as of late, too, so this time of the year doesn't help it, and I stay away from anything that'll make it worse.
I'm truly happy with spending the day by myself - it'll be peaceful, quiet and I can get things done while doing other things that I want to do. I have no problem with that. Curled up on the sofa, reading, maybe a bath by candlelight... that's a perfect Christmas day to me, anyway.
Also, like everyone else, I'm hesitant to spend any money. Retailers are forecasting "the worst holiday season in 40 years" - well, yeah, duh. People have no money to spend on a fucking thing that they don't need, why SHOULD we be pressured into buying? How about paying down debt so that we CAN spend money we have? Oh, wait, I forgot - the credit card business depends on that hefty interest they charge every month when you carry astronomical balances - my bad. They don't WANT you to be debt-free, because debt is how they make money. Someone's going to lose out - better that it be you, in their minds.
Not I, said the federal gubmint worker. I'm not buying a motherfucking thing. I've bought two presents for two people, and I have two more to shop for - that's it. Other than that? Fuck Christmas and fuck the overspending, greedy credit card companies and banks. Banks shouldn't even be DARING to ask for money right now, not when they just got a fuckload of my tax money to bail their avaricious asses out. And what are they spending it ON, anyway? It's not like we actually KNOW, do we? People are starting to ask that question and the banks are saying... "Well... we're NOT saying." Which is double-speak for "sweet F.A.", isn't it.
I read that over 1.6 BILLION DOLLARS - billion with a capital B - went to CEOs of American banks for perks and severance packages and bonuses and Christ knows what else. I say we get that 1.6 B's back and pump it into the economy. Then maybe the goddamn "food for the hungry" tables won't be so bare this year...
... fucking assholes, all. I swear to God.
I know, I know. Not very festive, is it. Thing is that Christmas doesn't really mean that much to me anymore, I sort of think of it as a kids' holiday. Since I don't (and don't plan to) have kids, I find myself disinterested in the whole thing. I've stayed as far away from TV, radio, Christmas displays, etc., as possible. My depression's been kicking up as of late, too, so this time of the year doesn't help it, and I stay away from anything that'll make it worse.
I'm truly happy with spending the day by myself - it'll be peaceful, quiet and I can get things done while doing other things that I want to do. I have no problem with that. Curled up on the sofa, reading, maybe a bath by candlelight... that's a perfect Christmas day to me, anyway.
Also, like everyone else, I'm hesitant to spend any money. Retailers are forecasting "the worst holiday season in 40 years" - well, yeah, duh. People have no money to spend on a fucking thing that they don't need, why SHOULD we be pressured into buying? How about paying down debt so that we CAN spend money we have? Oh, wait, I forgot - the credit card business depends on that hefty interest they charge every month when you carry astronomical balances - my bad. They don't WANT you to be debt-free, because debt is how they make money. Someone's going to lose out - better that it be you, in their minds.
Not I, said the federal gubmint worker. I'm not buying a motherfucking thing. I've bought two presents for two people, and I have two more to shop for - that's it. Other than that? Fuck Christmas and fuck the overspending, greedy credit card companies and banks. Banks shouldn't even be DARING to ask for money right now, not when they just got a fuckload of my tax money to bail their avaricious asses out. And what are they spending it ON, anyway? It's not like we actually KNOW, do we? People are starting to ask that question and the banks are saying... "Well... we're NOT saying." Which is double-speak for "sweet F.A.", isn't it.
I read that over 1.6 BILLION DOLLARS - billion with a capital B - went to CEOs of American banks for perks and severance packages and bonuses and Christ knows what else. I say we get that 1.6 B's back and pump it into the economy. Then maybe the goddamn "food for the hungry" tables won't be so bare this year...
... fucking assholes, all. I swear to God.
13 December 2008
Weekend doings, etc.
So I've finally bitten the bullet and paid off a good chunk of my debt - I've cleared out my American Express card. I know, big deal, but when you're carrying a balance - especially in THIS economy - you get warm, fuzzy feelings after you give away money, heh. Just call me weird, I guess. But it's a little weight off of my shoulders when right now I desperately need to get all of the pressure I can removed.
I even had enough money to order a new internal drive and some memory upgrades for my old desktop, the HP that broke down a couple of months ago. I'm excited because I finally get to be able to get some of my music back, or at least get started with it. I miss my music, and this notebook I'm using now just doesn't have the space. I'm not wild about this notebook, anyway - the Enter key keeps falling off, and it's definitely not a model that I would have picked out to have as my own, but beggars can't be choosers, I suppose. Once the store Emails me with the pickup mail, I'll be on my way to get it. I'm considering a netbook, too, to take with me to work, but I honestly don't know all that much about them, and I want to shop around a bit before I plunge into that market. It'll be nice to be able to do what I want to do on the train, though, so we'll see.
Next stop are college courses. I want to definitely take some opportunities here.
I guess I'm on the upswing of my usual mood disturbances, but I really do want to improve my life... and getting rid of money for the time being will allow me to do that. I have a hard time with spending money in general, though you'd never know it from my credit card balances - but sometimes it's a bad thing to hold on to it like a crab. This is proving to be one of those times.
We'll see what happens. I'm looking forward to working on my blog from the desktop, that's for sure.
I even had enough money to order a new internal drive and some memory upgrades for my old desktop, the HP that broke down a couple of months ago. I'm excited because I finally get to be able to get some of my music back, or at least get started with it. I miss my music, and this notebook I'm using now just doesn't have the space. I'm not wild about this notebook, anyway - the Enter key keeps falling off, and it's definitely not a model that I would have picked out to have as my own, but beggars can't be choosers, I suppose. Once the store Emails me with the pickup mail, I'll be on my way to get it. I'm considering a netbook, too, to take with me to work, but I honestly don't know all that much about them, and I want to shop around a bit before I plunge into that market. It'll be nice to be able to do what I want to do on the train, though, so we'll see.
Next stop are college courses. I want to definitely take some opportunities here.
I guess I'm on the upswing of my usual mood disturbances, but I really do want to improve my life... and getting rid of money for the time being will allow me to do that. I have a hard time with spending money in general, though you'd never know it from my credit card balances - but sometimes it's a bad thing to hold on to it like a crab. This is proving to be one of those times.
We'll see what happens. I'm looking forward to working on my blog from the desktop, that's for sure.
26 July 2008
Starting to settle in.
I'm on day 6 (technically) of my trip, and I'm beginning to calm down from the absolute wonder and awe of just being here. I'm feeling much better physically, and I've been starting to get out and about, exploring the city. This is a marvelous place for exploration, I've found. There's so much to take in and see!
Some brief observations that I've experienced:
- The place is gorgeous - lots to see and do, and everything that you could possibly want or need is contained just in the CBD - never mind the rest of the city! I went on a short tour of the music/book/DVD stores here in the central district yesterday, and I was more than impressed. There's literally something here for everyone. I've actually so far only explored a tiny fraction of this place, and I'm already well satisfied with what I've found.
- The people here seem to fall into two categories - either they're beyond nice and can't do enough to see that you're happy and well satisfied... or they're rude as fuck and just have some nasty attitudes toward life in general. Example of this? I was at a small takeaway yesterday in a food court (I'll get to that) and there were a lot of people at the tables, we had to wait for a table. Well, a table finally emptied out, but this dumb bitch just.. left her trash on the table - the takeout bag, the half-empty soda can, all of it. I'm sorry, but to me, that's fucking rude. Especially when you know there's people waiting to sit down right where you were - how hard is it to walk all of 30 feet and throw your refuse away? I mean, really, that goes beyond rude. I wish I'd have said something, and I would have if she hadn't just disappeared that fast. Fucking rude, nasty bitch. If she does that shit out in public, I can't imagine what her house looks like.
Anyway. Where was I, lol.
- The food. I must say something about the food here in Sydney - it's much more healthy in my opinion than in America. I mean, you can get more or less the same shit here as there, but... there seems to be a lot more things infused with flavor, know what I mean? Everything in America seems so bland by comparison. Example: the same restaurant as referenced above, they have something called a Bondi Burger (for those of you who want to know, it's Oporto's and it's fucking awesome) - it's a grilled chicken filet, lettuce, a little mayo, cheese and chili sauce. Now... this chili sauce nearly blew me away - seriously. It was hot, spicy, flavorful, and absolutely fucking wonderful. In America, you're not even going to get this. Our idea of 'flavorful' is minced onion, heh. And unbelievably, Oporto's here is considered 'fast food'! Jesus. If the people in Sydney got a hold of what we considered 'fast food', they'd quite rightly laugh at us....
Things are very, very, very expensive here. A 24 ounce bottle of diet Coke here can range anywhere from 2 to 4 Australian dollars - which is STILL a huge markup from American prices. It really depends on what you buy here, I think. My last grocery bill was all of 10 dollars AUD. Produce and vegetables are very expensive. Meat is cheap, especially steak and lamb. Chicken is expensive. Bread, it depends. Dairy is very expensive - you'll pay dearly for yogurt and milk. And things are labeled here quite differently from things in America. Ketchup here isn't "ketchup" - it's "tomato sauce". Diapers aren't called diapers, they're "nappies". And you'll have to really study the labels on the shelves to know what you're buying!
- Television here is quite interesting. They seem to love recycled American shows, oddly - but there are also some very great choices here for individualized, culturally significant programming. The SBS network here seems to be the best option for people such as myself. I will say that I've watched more television here in the nearly 6 days I've been here than I have in the last three years, hah.
- Women do not seem to wear anything approaching tennis shoes here. I've seen all of two women wearing sneakers - one of them being myself. It seems mainly to be very high heeled boots or dress shoes, nothing else. Actually, the men don't seem to either for all of that - they seem to like loafers or dress shoes. This city, from what I've noticed, seems to be very fashion-conscious, although that could just be because I'm in the downtown district and therefore I'd be exposed to it. I'm sure I stick out like a sore thumb here.
- People drive to the left here, which I had expected to see, but at the same time it's a bit of a shock to actually watch put into practice. It's strange, but I'm actually used to it now and I even can see some of the benefits of it. Every street has "Look Left/Right" painted on the corners to assist us ignorant Americans so that we don't get gobsmacked by a Holden running down the road. :D Also, it's strange, but the pedestrians here seem to do the same thing - you stick to "your side" of the sidewalk, and they do not take it kindly if you just walk "all over the place".
- I've seen all of 3 black (African-descent) people since arriving in Sydney. I've been assured that they do live here, but you would not know it by looking in the streets. There are, however, a LOT of Asian people here. Chinese, Japanese, Vietnamese, Thai, Korean - you name the Asian country, they're here. The cuisine also reflects that - I've never seen so many restaurants in my life with Oriental food. I'm in heaven :D I keep forgetting that I'm technically in the Asia-Pacific Rim, really, and when I do remember, it hits me as to just how far away I really am!
- The weather is mercurial, to say the least, at least at this time of year. It was raining pretty heavily for the first few days I was here, it's started to even out about now. I can definitely see it being VERY hot here in the summertime, as I haven't needed anything more than a hoodie to keep myself warm (it's wintertime here right now, unbelievably). There have been some points where I've had to leave the balcony door open because it's been too hot in here!
I haven't seen much of the 'touristy' type places as most would, but then this isn't my style anyway, as most whom know me are aware. I've been to the Sydney Aquarium (I highly recommend it, by the way), and I'm going to the Taronga Zoo sometime this week. Also, I'll be attending the Tricky concert on the 30th here, as well as a fabulous jazz show at the Basement the night before. I'm so looking forward to it!
Today I'm probably going to do a bit of cleaning up, as I need to do laundry and tidy up in here. It hasn't even been a week here yet! This vacation is going a little slower than I expected, but I'm glad of that. I'm really enjoying myself.
For those of you who have access to my Facebook profile (and most of you do), I've posted some of the pictures into a new album there temporarily. I know that some of them need cleaning up and I will do just that when I get home, as I don't have a photo manip program with me here. But do enjoy them. I wish that I had the ability to be more descriptive, but truly, Sydney's one of these places that you just have to see for yourself. :D
I'm having so much fun. I really am!
Some brief observations that I've experienced:
- The place is gorgeous - lots to see and do, and everything that you could possibly want or need is contained just in the CBD - never mind the rest of the city! I went on a short tour of the music/book/DVD stores here in the central district yesterday, and I was more than impressed. There's literally something here for everyone. I've actually so far only explored a tiny fraction of this place, and I'm already well satisfied with what I've found.
- The people here seem to fall into two categories - either they're beyond nice and can't do enough to see that you're happy and well satisfied... or they're rude as fuck and just have some nasty attitudes toward life in general. Example of this? I was at a small takeaway yesterday in a food court (I'll get to that) and there were a lot of people at the tables, we had to wait for a table. Well, a table finally emptied out, but this dumb bitch just.. left her trash on the table - the takeout bag, the half-empty soda can, all of it. I'm sorry, but to me, that's fucking rude. Especially when you know there's people waiting to sit down right where you were - how hard is it to walk all of 30 feet and throw your refuse away? I mean, really, that goes beyond rude. I wish I'd have said something, and I would have if she hadn't just disappeared that fast. Fucking rude, nasty bitch. If she does that shit out in public, I can't imagine what her house looks like.
Anyway. Where was I, lol.
- The food. I must say something about the food here in Sydney - it's much more healthy in my opinion than in America. I mean, you can get more or less the same shit here as there, but... there seems to be a lot more things infused with flavor, know what I mean? Everything in America seems so bland by comparison. Example: the same restaurant as referenced above, they have something called a Bondi Burger (for those of you who want to know, it's Oporto's and it's fucking awesome) - it's a grilled chicken filet, lettuce, a little mayo, cheese and chili sauce. Now... this chili sauce nearly blew me away - seriously. It was hot, spicy, flavorful, and absolutely fucking wonderful. In America, you're not even going to get this. Our idea of 'flavorful' is minced onion, heh. And unbelievably, Oporto's here is considered 'fast food'! Jesus. If the people in Sydney got a hold of what we considered 'fast food', they'd quite rightly laugh at us....
Things are very, very, very expensive here. A 24 ounce bottle of diet Coke here can range anywhere from 2 to 4 Australian dollars - which is STILL a huge markup from American prices. It really depends on what you buy here, I think. My last grocery bill was all of 10 dollars AUD. Produce and vegetables are very expensive. Meat is cheap, especially steak and lamb. Chicken is expensive. Bread, it depends. Dairy is very expensive - you'll pay dearly for yogurt and milk. And things are labeled here quite differently from things in America. Ketchup here isn't "ketchup" - it's "tomato sauce". Diapers aren't called diapers, they're "nappies". And you'll have to really study the labels on the shelves to know what you're buying!
- Television here is quite interesting. They seem to love recycled American shows, oddly - but there are also some very great choices here for individualized, culturally significant programming. The SBS network here seems to be the best option for people such as myself. I will say that I've watched more television here in the nearly 6 days I've been here than I have in the last three years, hah.
- Women do not seem to wear anything approaching tennis shoes here. I've seen all of two women wearing sneakers - one of them being myself. It seems mainly to be very high heeled boots or dress shoes, nothing else. Actually, the men don't seem to either for all of that - they seem to like loafers or dress shoes. This city, from what I've noticed, seems to be very fashion-conscious, although that could just be because I'm in the downtown district and therefore I'd be exposed to it. I'm sure I stick out like a sore thumb here.
- People drive to the left here, which I had expected to see, but at the same time it's a bit of a shock to actually watch put into practice. It's strange, but I'm actually used to it now and I even can see some of the benefits of it. Every street has "Look Left/Right" painted on the corners to assist us ignorant Americans so that we don't get gobsmacked by a Holden running down the road. :D Also, it's strange, but the pedestrians here seem to do the same thing - you stick to "your side" of the sidewalk, and they do not take it kindly if you just walk "all over the place".
- I've seen all of 3 black (African-descent) people since arriving in Sydney. I've been assured that they do live here, but you would not know it by looking in the streets. There are, however, a LOT of Asian people here. Chinese, Japanese, Vietnamese, Thai, Korean - you name the Asian country, they're here. The cuisine also reflects that - I've never seen so many restaurants in my life with Oriental food. I'm in heaven :D I keep forgetting that I'm technically in the Asia-Pacific Rim, really, and when I do remember, it hits me as to just how far away I really am!
- The weather is mercurial, to say the least, at least at this time of year. It was raining pretty heavily for the first few days I was here, it's started to even out about now. I can definitely see it being VERY hot here in the summertime, as I haven't needed anything more than a hoodie to keep myself warm (it's wintertime here right now, unbelievably). There have been some points where I've had to leave the balcony door open because it's been too hot in here!
I haven't seen much of the 'touristy' type places as most would, but then this isn't my style anyway, as most whom know me are aware. I've been to the Sydney Aquarium (I highly recommend it, by the way), and I'm going to the Taronga Zoo sometime this week. Also, I'll be attending the Tricky concert on the 30th here, as well as a fabulous jazz show at the Basement the night before. I'm so looking forward to it!
Today I'm probably going to do a bit of cleaning up, as I need to do laundry and tidy up in here. It hasn't even been a week here yet! This vacation is going a little slower than I expected, but I'm glad of that. I'm really enjoying myself.
For those of you who have access to my Facebook profile (and most of you do), I've posted some of the pictures into a new album there temporarily. I know that some of them need cleaning up and I will do just that when I get home, as I don't have a photo manip program with me here. But do enjoy them. I wish that I had the ability to be more descriptive, but truly, Sydney's one of these places that you just have to see for yourself. :D
I'm having so much fun. I really am!
01 July 2008
The month of July has finally arrived!
Not even 19 days left before I head on out of here! Whoa! :o
I think I've finally figured out what I'm going to do as far as my blog's concerned. I'm going to go ahead and keep writing from the road, when I can, but I'm going to direct everyone to have a look at my photographs elsewhere - at least I hope I'll be able to do this. I'm known for not really paying much attention to taking pictures while I'm on holiday, but this time I'm going to, simply for the fact that I'm going to a place that I'll probably never get to see again in my lifetime.
It's hard for me to describe how I'm feeling at the moment, because it changes from day to day. One minute I'm overexcited about going - after all, a trip to Australia is a lot of peoples' dream trip, at least in the U.S. it is. And let's face it, in this hard-assed economy right now, it's a miracle that I'm going at all. I thank Christ every single day here recently that I prepaid most of my trip - the plane fare, the accomodations, all of that - with gas prices the way they are now, there's no way in fucking hell I could have managed this if I hadn't. That's what all of the people who laughed at me for making plans early get - I was right and you were wrong. Hahaha. :p Anyway, the next minute I'm seriously thinking this was a huge mistake, for many reasons (one of them being financial, heh - I am no position to be spending a shitload of money over there like I was going to). But... well, I'm not hard to please, really. I'm not a partier, I'm not going to be going out every night, and the things I want to see either cost very little/are free, or they're worth every penny of its exorbitant price, heh. We shall see what happens.
Otherwise I'm trying to take it as easy as I can today. I have yet more cleaning to do, but I'll get round to it this week. The doctor's appointment is the day after tomorrow. It figures that now I feel fine, meh. Ah, well. Nothing's stopping me.
I've added a new friend to my last.fm, engelmeine. She also posts on the Music Memoirs memes, as "she-schenker" - her blog is nicely designed and very well done. See it here. I bow to her superior HTML skills. (Actually, I do pretty well myself, but I need to actually get up off of my duff and do it, lol.)
Off for now, cheers.
I think I've finally figured out what I'm going to do as far as my blog's concerned. I'm going to go ahead and keep writing from the road, when I can, but I'm going to direct everyone to have a look at my photographs elsewhere - at least I hope I'll be able to do this. I'm known for not really paying much attention to taking pictures while I'm on holiday, but this time I'm going to, simply for the fact that I'm going to a place that I'll probably never get to see again in my lifetime.
It's hard for me to describe how I'm feeling at the moment, because it changes from day to day. One minute I'm overexcited about going - after all, a trip to Australia is a lot of peoples' dream trip, at least in the U.S. it is. And let's face it, in this hard-assed economy right now, it's a miracle that I'm going at all. I thank Christ every single day here recently that I prepaid most of my trip - the plane fare, the accomodations, all of that - with gas prices the way they are now, there's no way in fucking hell I could have managed this if I hadn't. That's what all of the people who laughed at me for making plans early get - I was right and you were wrong. Hahaha. :p Anyway, the next minute I'm seriously thinking this was a huge mistake, for many reasons (one of them being financial, heh - I am no position to be spending a shitload of money over there like I was going to). But... well, I'm not hard to please, really. I'm not a partier, I'm not going to be going out every night, and the things I want to see either cost very little/are free, or they're worth every penny of its exorbitant price, heh. We shall see what happens.
Otherwise I'm trying to take it as easy as I can today. I have yet more cleaning to do, but I'll get round to it this week. The doctor's appointment is the day after tomorrow. It figures that now I feel fine, meh. Ah, well. Nothing's stopping me.
I've added a new friend to my last.fm, engelmeine. She also posts on the Music Memoirs memes, as "she-schenker" - her blog is nicely designed and very well done. See it here. I bow to her superior HTML skills. (Actually, I do pretty well myself, but I need to actually get up off of my duff and do it, lol.)
Off for now, cheers.
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