Greg and I went to the Baltimore Book Festival a couple of weekends ago, and we really didn't pick up all that much, to be honest. However, we did buy a few cookbooks - he's wonderfully supportive of my hobby of occasionally trying out recipes and learning more about how to make really good meals.
One of the cookbooks that we bought - for five measly bucks, yet - was one by Cristina Ferrare. Apparently she has some cooking show on the Oprah Channel, or whatever it is (I wouldn't know, as I find Oprah detestable at best).
Greg decided that he would surprise me tonight with dinner. Normally I'll cook on the weekends, because he has to work a good deal of the time and I always have more free time than he does. Well, surprise me he did - with Chicken Piccata and mashed potatoes from scratch, probably one of the best meals I have ever had in my entire life. Eating that chicken literally brought tears of pleasure to my eyes.
And I'm not usually a chicken kind of woman. :D
There is nothing, nothing, nothing better on this planet than a man who not only knows how to cook, but takes pure pleasure in it!
Yes. I officially proclaim myself the luckiest woman alive. (grin)
He'd just better watch out, I have a couple of recipes lined up from The Vegetarian Epicure to hit him with... :D
Showing posts with label hobbies. Show all posts
Showing posts with label hobbies. Show all posts
15 October 2011
02 September 2010
78 rpm where it was 33 1/3.
My life is beginning to race in directions that only a month ago seemed incomprehensible.
This week, my workplace is having a three-day conference, of which we're now on the second day. I was (am) on the planning committee for this shindig, and had thought up until yesterday that it was just flat out going to suck - the consensus was that there was no consensus as far as what kind of activities to plan or what exactly to discuss. But now that it's actually gotten started, I've discovered that the speakers that we've hired are actually terrific. They've been quite inspirational, and I am not usually the kind of person that takes anything valuable away from public speakers. (Most of the time, I end up half asleep.)
Today, we had a class about emotional intelligence - it's a "hot button" topic right now in the world of employment. I had taken this class last year with a different instructor, and it was helpful then - but the instructor we had today was just that much better. I gained quite a bit from the class - mainly about self-control (something that I seriously need a lot more of). I didn't agree with everything she said, of course. One of the main sticking points that I had trouble with was about how everything in life was a choice - I could choose to be depressed, or I could choose to be positive. I see some truth in that, but I completely disagree about the phrase "choosing to be depressed" - no one chooses to have a debilitating mental illness, trust me on this point. And I said as much. But in some ways, her other points were made in that I spoke up for myself and didn't just "take it lying down". In the past, I wouldn't have questioned such rhetoric, I'd have just sat there and passively agreed - which is the wrong, wrong, wrong thing to do. In defending myself, I was proactive, and I'm pretty proud of myself for that. I think that everyone else was, too.
But even if they weren't - that's not the end of my world, now is it?
One of the most valuable life lessons that I've taken out of this is: "It's not that serious."
You know what I mean by that? Life just isn't that serious that I need to be freaking out over every little thing. I'm what they call a "driver" - a person that's more task-focused than people-focused, and fast-paced as opposed to slow. Unfortunately, "drivers" want control, and panic when they don't have it. And that describes me perfectly - I've searched all of my life for something I could control, in vain. The consequences are that I've lived my life in a state of anxiety, which ... leads to depression. It's no wonder that I am what I am, is it?!!?
My therapy has begun. I walked out from that last session tired, wrung out and exhausted from sobbing. But I also felt oddly lighter, more involved with the world and less within my own head. I have probably the only doctor in Maryland with Sunday appointments - I really lucked out, there.
I also saw my friend from the Camden train this morning. It was only for a few minutes, but he said hello, I said hello, and we shared a little bit about our work schedules. I was able to explain that I was on the night shift this month, which was why I hadn't seen him. I'm glad I said that, I didn't want him to think I'd just disappeared. He's a nice person. The first friend I've made in a long, long time. And I don't even know his name (yet). But it was so, so good to connect with someone, even if only for a moment.
I can't guarantee that I'll be able to hold on to this feeling all the time, but I feel that I've taken away a lot of things from this class, and indeed from the last week or two. My good streak continues. I've been able to function, and function well. I think that perhaps I've begun my starting over. I hope. For the first time in a long time.... in months.... perhaps years... I have hope!
Last day of the conference/work before the Labor Day weekend. I might head down to Beadazzled later this weekend and pick up on that new hobby I want to try. Who knows, maybe I'll really enjoy it! And I leave for the Bahamas in a week....
So much going on and so little time. Life is getting better. I hope that it keeps up!
This week, my workplace is having a three-day conference, of which we're now on the second day. I was (am) on the planning committee for this shindig, and had thought up until yesterday that it was just flat out going to suck - the consensus was that there was no consensus as far as what kind of activities to plan or what exactly to discuss. But now that it's actually gotten started, I've discovered that the speakers that we've hired are actually terrific. They've been quite inspirational, and I am not usually the kind of person that takes anything valuable away from public speakers. (Most of the time, I end up half asleep.)
Today, we had a class about emotional intelligence - it's a "hot button" topic right now in the world of employment. I had taken this class last year with a different instructor, and it was helpful then - but the instructor we had today was just that much better. I gained quite a bit from the class - mainly about self-control (something that I seriously need a lot more of). I didn't agree with everything she said, of course. One of the main sticking points that I had trouble with was about how everything in life was a choice - I could choose to be depressed, or I could choose to be positive. I see some truth in that, but I completely disagree about the phrase "choosing to be depressed" - no one chooses to have a debilitating mental illness, trust me on this point. And I said as much. But in some ways, her other points were made in that I spoke up for myself and didn't just "take it lying down". In the past, I wouldn't have questioned such rhetoric, I'd have just sat there and passively agreed - which is the wrong, wrong, wrong thing to do. In defending myself, I was proactive, and I'm pretty proud of myself for that. I think that everyone else was, too.
But even if they weren't - that's not the end of my world, now is it?
One of the most valuable life lessons that I've taken out of this is: "It's not that serious."
You know what I mean by that? Life just isn't that serious that I need to be freaking out over every little thing. I'm what they call a "driver" - a person that's more task-focused than people-focused, and fast-paced as opposed to slow. Unfortunately, "drivers" want control, and panic when they don't have it. And that describes me perfectly - I've searched all of my life for something I could control, in vain. The consequences are that I've lived my life in a state of anxiety, which ... leads to depression. It's no wonder that I am what I am, is it?!!?
My therapy has begun. I walked out from that last session tired, wrung out and exhausted from sobbing. But I also felt oddly lighter, more involved with the world and less within my own head. I have probably the only doctor in Maryland with Sunday appointments - I really lucked out, there.
I also saw my friend from the Camden train this morning. It was only for a few minutes, but he said hello, I said hello, and we shared a little bit about our work schedules. I was able to explain that I was on the night shift this month, which was why I hadn't seen him. I'm glad I said that, I didn't want him to think I'd just disappeared. He's a nice person. The first friend I've made in a long, long time. And I don't even know his name (yet). But it was so, so good to connect with someone, even if only for a moment.
I can't guarantee that I'll be able to hold on to this feeling all the time, but I feel that I've taken away a lot of things from this class, and indeed from the last week or two. My good streak continues. I've been able to function, and function well. I think that perhaps I've begun my starting over. I hope. For the first time in a long time.... in months.... perhaps years... I have hope!
Last day of the conference/work before the Labor Day weekend. I might head down to Beadazzled later this weekend and pick up on that new hobby I want to try. Who knows, maybe I'll really enjoy it! And I leave for the Bahamas in a week....
So much going on and so little time. Life is getting better. I hope that it keeps up!
21 August 2010
Hmmm.
I know I haven't been around for quite a while. It's been, yet again, another strange week. Things have happened that are a little too painful to talk about right now (i.e, recent negativity), and yet... yesterday and today I've been queerly happy, contented, even somewhat settled. It could be that in letting go of what has been hurting (even as a vague, somewhat nettling ache), I have been rewarded with the feeling of peace.
It could be that I am finally living my life on my terms, without feeling the need to please anyone but myself. True, I may not have much of a "life" right now - I basically eat, sleep, shit, go to work, come home, pet Miss Thang every now and then, do what I feel I am mentally capable of doing that day - but this light, simple routine has made all of the difference. It also could be that I know I'm going back to therapy and therefore my traitorous mind has settled down into a 'normal' pattern - which, of course, will make me look crazy and idiotic to the doctor. Sigh. I don't know, but I'll grab any feeling of peace that I can get right now.
The IRS has sent back a letter demanding more paperwork. Meh. So it's all copied and ready to send down to the post office on Monday morning. Overnight. With registered mail confirmation. I'm done playing with these jerk-offs. Obama promised me eight thousand dollars, and I want it, goddamnit. I want a real bed to sleep on and real dishes to eat off of.
Another semester is done at UMUC. I finished my Spanish exam last night, and am turning in my final crim report tomorrow evening before I go to bed. Then, a month to relax and get it together before the next semester - biology and web design, bleh, but it's seven credits closer to my goal. After this upcoming semester, I'll already be halfway done to a degree. Seems REALLY hard to believe - I feel like I've just started. I may have to start taking three classes at a clip so that I can possibly finish this before I'm too far from 40. It's not like my time is being filled with anything else at the moment, so what the hell.
In the last few days, I've managed to think - clearly - about my plans for the future and what I want out of life. And it's turned out that I actually still have dreams, unbelievably. I'd love to finish this degree, improve this house, I still have some hobbies on the back burner that I'd like to pursue again (tie-dying, beading, that sort of hippie shit, heh). And, of course, I want to travel, all over the world. I'd love to go back to Australia one day, maybe the U.K., South America - I'd love to see the Panama Canal or go to Costa Rica or Ecuador. Maybe that Spanish I took would be good for something, heh. I'm planning a huge blowout for my 40th birthday, some place that's exotic and impossible to get to without a lot of time and preparation, I'm going to do it up. One would think that Australia is exotic and impossible to get to - and it is - but it might be there, it might be South America.... or Antarctica. Shit, how many people have been to Antarctica before? I'd bet not many!
In any case, I'm going to celebrate my 40th, when it comes. I'm going to celebrate the fact that I am alive, and that I've fought all of these demons for so long and I'm still fucking HERE. For today, depression isn't going to get the best of me. Tomorrow, maybe I might not feel that way, but today - it won't. And I think that's the person that I really am, deep beneath all of the sadness and the pain.
One of my closest friends, who understands me better than any person walking, once said that I was steel. He's right.
It could be that I am finally living my life on my terms, without feeling the need to please anyone but myself. True, I may not have much of a "life" right now - I basically eat, sleep, shit, go to work, come home, pet Miss Thang every now and then, do what I feel I am mentally capable of doing that day - but this light, simple routine has made all of the difference. It also could be that I know I'm going back to therapy and therefore my traitorous mind has settled down into a 'normal' pattern - which, of course, will make me look crazy and idiotic to the doctor. Sigh. I don't know, but I'll grab any feeling of peace that I can get right now.
The IRS has sent back a letter demanding more paperwork. Meh. So it's all copied and ready to send down to the post office on Monday morning. Overnight. With registered mail confirmation. I'm done playing with these jerk-offs. Obama promised me eight thousand dollars, and I want it, goddamnit. I want a real bed to sleep on and real dishes to eat off of.
Another semester is done at UMUC. I finished my Spanish exam last night, and am turning in my final crim report tomorrow evening before I go to bed. Then, a month to relax and get it together before the next semester - biology and web design, bleh, but it's seven credits closer to my goal. After this upcoming semester, I'll already be halfway done to a degree. Seems REALLY hard to believe - I feel like I've just started. I may have to start taking three classes at a clip so that I can possibly finish this before I'm too far from 40. It's not like my time is being filled with anything else at the moment, so what the hell.
In the last few days, I've managed to think - clearly - about my plans for the future and what I want out of life. And it's turned out that I actually still have dreams, unbelievably. I'd love to finish this degree, improve this house, I still have some hobbies on the back burner that I'd like to pursue again (tie-dying, beading, that sort of hippie shit, heh). And, of course, I want to travel, all over the world. I'd love to go back to Australia one day, maybe the U.K., South America - I'd love to see the Panama Canal or go to Costa Rica or Ecuador. Maybe that Spanish I took would be good for something, heh. I'm planning a huge blowout for my 40th birthday, some place that's exotic and impossible to get to without a lot of time and preparation, I'm going to do it up. One would think that Australia is exotic and impossible to get to - and it is - but it might be there, it might be South America.... or Antarctica. Shit, how many people have been to Antarctica before? I'd bet not many!
In any case, I'm going to celebrate my 40th, when it comes. I'm going to celebrate the fact that I am alive, and that I've fought all of these demons for so long and I'm still fucking HERE. For today, depression isn't going to get the best of me. Tomorrow, maybe I might not feel that way, but today - it won't. And I think that's the person that I really am, deep beneath all of the sadness and the pain.
One of my closest friends, who understands me better than any person walking, once said that I was steel. He's right.
01 May 2009
Learning and how to be a child again.
I was bad and took the day off of work today because of doctor's appointments. It's been a rather lazy kind of day, and I've been resting, recharging my 'batteries' if you will. Had a good therapy session today - although I didn't feel like I got a lot out, it went all right with little drama. Afterwards, I went outside and for some reason... I got the "wild" idea to take my shoes off and walk barefoot through the grass. It was such a nice day outside and I thought... "You know, I haven't done this since I was a little girl... just walked through the grass barefoot like this." It felt weird... but at the same time, good. The grass was wet from the recent rains we had, so it was cold and ticklish on my toes. Couldn't help but giggle a little.
Now, this might seem sad to you all, that I'd devote an entire paragraph to my 'discovery' of walking through a patch of grass barefoot. But it struck me afterwards... that it's a simple pleasure, one that I haven't experienced in a long, long time. I was always too afraid of stepping on a bee or into an anthill or something similar. But I decided, just for once, to put the fear aside and do it. It didn't last long, and it hasn't changed my life any... but the effects are long-lasting. I feel good about myself tonight. I feel like a child again, where the world is open and anything is a possibility. Just even saying that tends to bring tears to my eyes, because I've lived for so long under a black, angry cloud... where I've felt nothing. Now I'm starting to feel everything. It's frightening, to be sure... but somehow exhilarating at the same time.
I did have a bad moment earlier when I hauled out the sewing machine. I am determined to attempt to learn how to sew - it's a hobby that I've always wanted to do and just never had a chance to learn or have anyone teach me. My problem with learning anything new is that if I tend not to pick it up right away, I get very frustrated - and frustration is one of my hot buttons, it leads to anger and sometimes even violence if I get angry enough. But I eventually calmed down... and tried again. I think that I'm at least beginning to learn the basics - and I even managed to practice on a piece of paper. My seams are surprisingly straight. This is an accomplishment.
I guess I'm so afraid of failure. I've been told that I'm a failure all my life, so naturally when I don't do well at something the first time, it just echoes in my head. It's hard to ignore those preprogrammed messages - but Goddamn if I'm not trying.
Ah, well, that's about all for today. I'm just going to enjoy this weekend, probably being as lazy as I want, but hopefully I'll be able to get some things accomplished. We'll see.
Cheers.
Now, this might seem sad to you all, that I'd devote an entire paragraph to my 'discovery' of walking through a patch of grass barefoot. But it struck me afterwards... that it's a simple pleasure, one that I haven't experienced in a long, long time. I was always too afraid of stepping on a bee or into an anthill or something similar. But I decided, just for once, to put the fear aside and do it. It didn't last long, and it hasn't changed my life any... but the effects are long-lasting. I feel good about myself tonight. I feel like a child again, where the world is open and anything is a possibility. Just even saying that tends to bring tears to my eyes, because I've lived for so long under a black, angry cloud... where I've felt nothing. Now I'm starting to feel everything. It's frightening, to be sure... but somehow exhilarating at the same time.
I did have a bad moment earlier when I hauled out the sewing machine. I am determined to attempt to learn how to sew - it's a hobby that I've always wanted to do and just never had a chance to learn or have anyone teach me. My problem with learning anything new is that if I tend not to pick it up right away, I get very frustrated - and frustration is one of my hot buttons, it leads to anger and sometimes even violence if I get angry enough. But I eventually calmed down... and tried again. I think that I'm at least beginning to learn the basics - and I even managed to practice on a piece of paper. My seams are surprisingly straight. This is an accomplishment.
I guess I'm so afraid of failure. I've been told that I'm a failure all my life, so naturally when I don't do well at something the first time, it just echoes in my head. It's hard to ignore those preprogrammed messages - but Goddamn if I'm not trying.
Ah, well, that's about all for today. I'm just going to enjoy this weekend, probably being as lazy as I want, but hopefully I'll be able to get some things accomplished. We'll see.
Cheers.
11 April 2009
Life continues onward.
I went back to the doctor (both therapist and pdoc) yesterday. Things are stable, finally - I continue on the Wellbutrin/buspirone/Abilify cocktail. I'm actually feeling a lot better, have been for a week now, so we'll see what happens. But I think I can relax as far as that's concerned.
Still dealing with stress from work, but... I've finally figured out that every job is going to have stress, you can't just get away from that. I've made my life as stress-free and easy as possible, so now I have to take on a little bit. That's fine - it'll be good practice. And I'll be honest with myself - any stress that I really bring home from work is brought on myself. I don't have to pay attention to any of those morons down there - I take urine and go home, that's my job, heh.
Perhaps I'll take that tack and see where we go with it.
The house desperately needs a cleaning, meh, but I've been preoccupied with shit and honestly too lazy to do it. Perhaps I'll start looking into that as well, but unfortunately nearly this entire weekend is booked with things - I have an apartment to see today, various errands to run (trimming my hair down, getting my meds, renewing my library card, etc.)... then I have to take my mother on a shopping run tomorrow afternoon, which is time-consuming and a hardship in itself - but it's to that point now where I sort of have to do it.
It could be worse - it could be to the point where she has to live with me. I'm not looking forward to that day, trust me.
I've been looking into expanding my hobbies a little more. I have a bowling group meeting next weekend, and I'd like to get cracking on my sewing machine, learning it and all of that. Would love to make my own clothes. It's intimidating, though. But if I keep trying...
I'm rambling again, hah. But sometimes this is a good thing, it means my creativity is on high. That's such a good sign!
Anyway, I'm off for now, lots to do today. I feel really good right now. Maybe my life is beginning to turn around for the better. I know, optimism is a dangerous thing, but it's nice to believe once in a great while.
In the meantime... enjoy this video. This was inspired by Miss Lion this morning acting like a total fool. I swear, I think this cat has A.D.D. :)
Still dealing with stress from work, but... I've finally figured out that every job is going to have stress, you can't just get away from that. I've made my life as stress-free and easy as possible, so now I have to take on a little bit. That's fine - it'll be good practice. And I'll be honest with myself - any stress that I really bring home from work is brought on myself. I don't have to pay attention to any of those morons down there - I take urine and go home, that's my job, heh.
Perhaps I'll take that tack and see where we go with it.
The house desperately needs a cleaning, meh, but I've been preoccupied with shit and honestly too lazy to do it. Perhaps I'll start looking into that as well, but unfortunately nearly this entire weekend is booked with things - I have an apartment to see today, various errands to run (trimming my hair down, getting my meds, renewing my library card, etc.)... then I have to take my mother on a shopping run tomorrow afternoon, which is time-consuming and a hardship in itself - but it's to that point now where I sort of have to do it.
It could be worse - it could be to the point where she has to live with me. I'm not looking forward to that day, trust me.
I've been looking into expanding my hobbies a little more. I have a bowling group meeting next weekend, and I'd like to get cracking on my sewing machine, learning it and all of that. Would love to make my own clothes. It's intimidating, though. But if I keep trying...
I'm rambling again, hah. But sometimes this is a good thing, it means my creativity is on high. That's such a good sign!
Anyway, I'm off for now, lots to do today. I feel really good right now. Maybe my life is beginning to turn around for the better. I know, optimism is a dangerous thing, but it's nice to believe once in a great while.
In the meantime... enjoy this video. This was inspired by Miss Lion this morning acting like a total fool. I swear, I think this cat has A.D.D. :)
05 April 2009
My good mood persists.
Even though it's Sunday and therefore little time until the idiocy begins again, somehow I'm actually not minding as much as I have the last few weeks. Perhaps the Abilify has finally kicked in and is starting to work. Whatever the reason, I'm grateful for the respite.
Not really much to say today - it really is the definition of 'a lazy Sunday' - but maybe that's a good thing in my case, heh.
I've been thinking, but instead of thinking about negativity and how I'd like to slap people stupid... I've been thinking about perhaps making efforts to mend fences with people that I was angry with... and maybe shouldn't have been. It's going to take a lot to overcome my stubborn pride, but with time... perhaps. I need to think about it, as I told someone last night.
I really do feel good. I'm reveling in it - this is so rare for me.
On a side note, my Dell Mini is "still in production", but now the automated line is saying April 13th. I can't wait to get it.
Also, I'm finally getting around to cleaning up, fixing, and posting my pictures from Sydney. I know, I know, it took a year. Deal with it. :p More details as they're available.
Until next time, cheers.
P.S. Does anyone else find the guy holding the April sign in the human calendar on the sidebar just.... looks creepy as fuck? Maybe it's me...
Not really much to say today - it really is the definition of 'a lazy Sunday' - but maybe that's a good thing in my case, heh.
I've been thinking, but instead of thinking about negativity and how I'd like to slap people stupid... I've been thinking about perhaps making efforts to mend fences with people that I was angry with... and maybe shouldn't have been. It's going to take a lot to overcome my stubborn pride, but with time... perhaps. I need to think about it, as I told someone last night.
I really do feel good. I'm reveling in it - this is so rare for me.
On a side note, my Dell Mini is "still in production", but now the automated line is saying April 13th. I can't wait to get it.
Also, I'm finally getting around to cleaning up, fixing, and posting my pictures from Sydney. I know, I know, it took a year. Deal with it. :p More details as they're available.
Until next time, cheers.
P.S. Does anyone else find the guy holding the April sign in the human calendar on the sidebar just.... looks creepy as fuck? Maybe it's me...
22 February 2009
End of the weekend. Verdict?
It's been somewhat of a mixed bag this weekend for me - Friday night was great, saw "Coraline" (which is absolutely an awesomefuckinmovie,you've got to go), but I was too tired to really do much else. I did get a positive 6 month review at work, which brightened my day considerably! If I keep on the track that I'm going (i.e., working myself to death, not getting sleep, holding back my frustration with the utter idiots that I deal with, blah blah), I'll pass my probationary period with flying colors. We'll see. Friday was also great in that the coworker who gets on my last nerve wasn't there - haaaa-lay-LOU-yah, haaaa-lay-LOU-yah, ad nauseum, heh. If only she'd leave there... man, I might actually start to enjoy the job again!
Saturday, though, eh. Not so good. I had to deal with my mother needing her monthly shopping run again. I have mixed feelings about that - I know she's getting to the point where she's going to need more and more and more of my help (and others' as well). But she's so bloody... I don't know... particular about it. When I make suggestions, she shoots it down not only with words but a goddamned Army tank. "I don't want to go here, I want to go there." Don't get me wrong, my mother and I have been getting along a little better this past year, but she drives me up a wall - because inevitably, it never fails, the talk comes back to my brother and how he's doing and why she's worried about him and.. well, ad nauseum. I'm sorry - I don't want to hear about my brother, okay? My brother has been the center of my parents' world for 44 years, everything's been done for him and for his behalf, and it's one of the biggest reasons why my depression is as it is. That's a whole other blog post, frankly, and I don't want to get into it - right now. Maybe I'll explain it all later. Anyway, I had an early night - went to bed and slept, only I think I slept too long...
...because today's been a really lazy kind of day. I haven't done a motherfucking thing other than pull out a sheet for my bed, eat pasta with vodka sauce, and surf the 'net til I'm bored shitless. I'm getting ready to go bowling, because there's a Sunday special on right now where if you rent bowling shoes (which I always do), the bowling's free. Who can turn down that kind of a deal, especially when money's so tight right now?
My life is so exciting, isn't it?
Saturday, though, eh. Not so good. I had to deal with my mother needing her monthly shopping run again. I have mixed feelings about that - I know she's getting to the point where she's going to need more and more and more of my help (and others' as well). But she's so bloody... I don't know... particular about it. When I make suggestions, she shoots it down not only with words but a goddamned Army tank. "I don't want to go here, I want to go there." Don't get me wrong, my mother and I have been getting along a little better this past year, but she drives me up a wall - because inevitably, it never fails, the talk comes back to my brother and how he's doing and why she's worried about him and.. well, ad nauseum. I'm sorry - I don't want to hear about my brother, okay? My brother has been the center of my parents' world for 44 years, everything's been done for him and for his behalf, and it's one of the biggest reasons why my depression is as it is. That's a whole other blog post, frankly, and I don't want to get into it - right now. Maybe I'll explain it all later. Anyway, I had an early night - went to bed and slept, only I think I slept too long...
...because today's been a really lazy kind of day. I haven't done a motherfucking thing other than pull out a sheet for my bed, eat pasta with vodka sauce, and surf the 'net til I'm bored shitless. I'm getting ready to go bowling, because there's a Sunday special on right now where if you rent bowling shoes (which I always do), the bowling's free. Who can turn down that kind of a deal, especially when money's so tight right now?
My life is so exciting, isn't it?
07 February 2009
The weekend again, and I feel... hrm, I'm not sure.
I still haven't been to the pharmacy to fill my prescrips yet - I know, bad me. I'm doing it first thing tomorrow morning.
It's been kind of a quiet Saturday around here, which is what I need after the week I've had, but for some reason I feel... I guess apprehensive is a good word. Like something's waiting for me just around the corner, and it's not going to be a good thing. I'm probably just imagining things, as I'm wont to do. But I sure wish that I could be positive, or at least start trying to be. It's unfortunately in my nature to look at the bad side of things.
My digital camera broke, so that's definitely a negative for today. I don't know what happened to it - I turn it on and the screen just goes black, then grey, black then grey, black then grey, over and over. I'm pissed off - I bought that camera only a couple of years ago and while it wasn't that expensive, it also wasn't used that much. I guess it's a situation of "you get what you pay for". Next time I'm going to spend the money and get a decent one that won't break down after a year or two. I expected better from a Sony product, I can say that much. (Next time it's a Nikon or nothing, heh.)
I found a website the other night that shows me, step by step, how to make a pillowcase - you know, one of those beginner sewing projects. I think I'm going to try it and see if this sewing machine that's been sitting here since October is going to get some use or not. I love the idea of sewing and making my own clothes, but I'm painfully aware that I don't know how to do that - yet. I haven't had much time to learn the basics, but I'm going to make some time. I want to learn how to do at least one new thing this year. Maybe I should join "43 Things", keep track of my goals. Hmmm.
Hah, there you are, that's a new thing right there. :D
All is good in the world right now, I guess I'm just bored and fitful, which spells trouble for me, usually.
Hey, now I remember what I was going to talk about - how'd it go at the doctor's! Sheesh, my mind is full of fuzz tonight...
Basically I've been taken off of the Paxil. THANK CHRIST. I start Wellbutrin and the buspirone stays. We'll see what happens, but I go back to see the psych in a month. I have another therapy appointment in 2 weeks. I like my therapist, I think, I felt comfortable in there. But then I didn't break down crying yet, either, so we'll see.
That's it, that's what I came back to say. Phhbbt. :)
It's been kind of a quiet Saturday around here, which is what I need after the week I've had, but for some reason I feel... I guess apprehensive is a good word. Like something's waiting for me just around the corner, and it's not going to be a good thing. I'm probably just imagining things, as I'm wont to do. But I sure wish that I could be positive, or at least start trying to be. It's unfortunately in my nature to look at the bad side of things.
My digital camera broke, so that's definitely a negative for today. I don't know what happened to it - I turn it on and the screen just goes black, then grey, black then grey, black then grey, over and over. I'm pissed off - I bought that camera only a couple of years ago and while it wasn't that expensive, it also wasn't used that much. I guess it's a situation of "you get what you pay for". Next time I'm going to spend the money and get a decent one that won't break down after a year or two. I expected better from a Sony product, I can say that much. (Next time it's a Nikon or nothing, heh.)
I found a website the other night that shows me, step by step, how to make a pillowcase - you know, one of those beginner sewing projects. I think I'm going to try it and see if this sewing machine that's been sitting here since October is going to get some use or not. I love the idea of sewing and making my own clothes, but I'm painfully aware that I don't know how to do that - yet. I haven't had much time to learn the basics, but I'm going to make some time. I want to learn how to do at least one new thing this year. Maybe I should join "43 Things", keep track of my goals. Hmmm.
Hah, there you are, that's a new thing right there. :D
All is good in the world right now, I guess I'm just bored and fitful, which spells trouble for me, usually.
Hey, now I remember what I was going to talk about - how'd it go at the doctor's! Sheesh, my mind is full of fuzz tonight...
Basically I've been taken off of the Paxil. THANK CHRIST. I start Wellbutrin and the buspirone stays. We'll see what happens, but I go back to see the psych in a month. I have another therapy appointment in 2 weeks. I like my therapist, I think, I felt comfortable in there. But then I didn't break down crying yet, either, so we'll see.
That's it, that's what I came back to say. Phhbbt. :)
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