Rambling, it's what's for breakfast.

Recently, it's been a time for anniversaries; those that have just passed, and a few that are coming up - both categories have a mix of good and bad. I've remarked upon a couple of them already, but the big one for this month is that of August 17th.

So what the hell happened on August 17th?

I began my current employment at the drug lab on August 17, 2008, a mere 12 days after I returned from Sydney. As a matter of fact, they had called me while I was out of town offering me the position. You can only imagine how much I'd panicked when I'd found that out - here I was ten thousand miles away and I couldn't just drop everything to start working, heh. Luckily they were nice enough to tell me not to hurry back!

Now, this may not seem like a huge deal - in the grand scheme of things, I guess it isn't. But that job offer opened up a world of security to me - after all, it's the Federal government. The Feds may be going through hard times right now, but my job (law enforcement) will always be needed, always be necessary, always provide for me. I gained security when I said yes to that job. And as we all know, security is my utmost priority in my life, simply because I've never had any up until now.

Three years later, I received my annual review with an astonishing 4 "fully met expectations" and 5 "exceeds expectations" criteria checked. I am not only on track to keep my job, but to continue on to a GS-7, which was unheard of to me 3 years ago (I started out as a lowly GS-3). The only bad thing about this now is that ... well, after GS-7, there's nowhere left to go for me. Not in the job I'm in now. That's the promotion limit.

I have until April of 2013 to decide what I want/need to do as far as this job is concerned. I guess that I never really thought that I'd last, or that I'd have such a choice to make. Hell, when I first took this job, I didn't think I'd live to see 40 years old... and yet, I'm approaching that milestone as well, very soon.

In some ways, my life is taking turns that are scaring me a bit. In late March of 2012, I will be 40 years old - half of my life gone. Yes, I've accomplished a lot in the last few years, and I'm proud of that... but at the same time, I'm saddened that it took that long for me to straighten out, that I spent 20+ years floundering and unsure and lonely and incredibly depressed. I'm sad that I didn't do more with my life up until now. Perhaps it's why I'm pushing myself so hard with school and work and trying to enjoy things - because I'm trying so hard to make up for the lost years.

Oh, bluh, listen to me, don't I sound all morbid, Gawd. I'm in a good mood - what's up with that? :p

I really, really need to fix this blog so that it's not so freaking dark anymore. I'm not dark anymore - why not reflect that?

Obviously I'm contemplative today. That could get me into some trouble, so maybe I'll do a bit of redesigning. We'll see.

Hmmm.

I know I haven't been around for quite a while. It's been, yet again, another strange week. Things have happened that are a little too painful to talk about right now (i.e, recent negativity), and yet... yesterday and today I've been queerly happy, contented, even somewhat settled. It could be that in letting go of what has been hurting (even as a vague, somewhat nettling ache), I have been rewarded with the feeling of peace.

It could be that I am finally living my life on my terms, without feeling the need to please anyone but myself. True, I may not have much of a "life" right now - I basically eat, sleep, shit, go to work, come home, pet Miss Thang every now and then, do what I feel I am mentally capable of doing that day - but this light, simple routine has made all of the difference. It also could be that I know I'm going back to therapy and therefore my traitorous mind has settled down into a 'normal' pattern - which, of course, will make me look crazy and idiotic to the doctor. Sigh. I don't know, but I'll grab any feeling of peace that I can get right now.

The IRS has sent back a letter demanding more paperwork. Meh. So it's all copied and ready to send down to the post office on Monday morning. Overnight. With registered mail confirmation. I'm done playing with these jerk-offs. Obama promised me eight thousand dollars, and I want it, goddamnit. I want a real bed to sleep on and real dishes to eat off of.

Another semester is done at UMUC. I finished my Spanish exam last night, and am turning in my final crim report tomorrow evening before I go to bed. Then, a month to relax and get it together before the next semester - biology and web design, bleh, but it's seven credits closer to my goal. After this upcoming semester, I'll already be halfway done to a degree. Seems REALLY hard to believe - I feel like I've just started. I may have to start taking three classes at a clip so that I can possibly finish this before I'm too far from 40. It's not like my time is being filled with anything else at the moment, so what the hell.

In the last few days, I've managed to think - clearly - about my plans for the future and what I want out of life. And it's turned out that I actually still have dreams, unbelievably. I'd love to finish this degree, improve this house, I still have some hobbies on the back burner that I'd like to pursue again (tie-dying, beading, that sort of hippie shit, heh). And, of course, I want to travel, all over the world. I'd love to go back to Australia one day, maybe the U.K., South America - I'd love to see the Panama Canal or go to Costa Rica or Ecuador. Maybe that Spanish I took would be good for something, heh. I'm planning a huge blowout for my 40th birthday, some place that's exotic and impossible to get to without a lot of time and preparation, I'm going to do it up. One would think that Australia is exotic and impossible to get to - and it is - but it might be there, it might be South America.... or Antarctica. Shit, how many people have been to Antarctica before? I'd bet not many!

In any case, I'm going to celebrate my 40th, when it comes. I'm going to celebrate the fact that I am alive, and that I've fought all of these demons for so long and I'm still fucking HERE. For today, depression isn't going to get the best of me. Tomorrow, maybe I might not feel that way, but today - it won't. And I think that's the person that I really am, deep beneath all of the sadness and the pain.

One of my closest friends, who understands me better than any person walking, once said that I was steel. He's right.

Read this... your opinions are wanted, please.

I want everyone who reads this blog on a regular basis to read the following link - it's a news story that appeared on Yahoo! News today. Read the story before you read the rest of the post. Go on, I dare you. :p


Read Here Before You Read The Rest

Okay, read the story? Good deal. Here's my take on it.

I had very mixed feelings while reading this article. On the one hand, as a woman that's been overweight (okay, well, obese maybe even) most of my life... I was utterly disgusted by UAL's action today. But... on the other hand I can actually see the reasoning behind it. With that being said.. I'm not actually sure of whether I approve of this action or not. I'm horribly conflicted.

As time goes on, I'm starting to lose a lot of weight - I know I've lost close to 40, 50 pounds since my last airline trip (last summer to Sydney). I didn't have to use an extension belt on that trip, and yes, I could get the armrest down - so perhaps UAL's proposed action doesn't affect me at all. (Especially not now. If I could follow regulation for a plane trip back then, I assure you that I'm not even close to being considered 'obese' by their standards now.) Maybe I have no right to say anything at all, then. But... here is what bothers me about the decision they're undertaking.

They're (the folks at UAL) running the risk of a discrimination suit. Not because Person A eats too many Big Macs and fries, all right - but there are other causes of obesity than simply 'eating too much'. People who have documented medical difficulties such as thyroid problems, diabetes, eating disorders (and I don't mean eating too much - I mean things like bulimia, anorexia, etc.), polycystic ovary syndrome (PCOS)... the list goes on and on. As a matter of fact, if you look hard enough, you can find a lot of reasons why someone might be overweight/obese. Just Google it - you'll find enough information to fill the Library of Congress and then some.

In any case... let's say that you suffer from one of said medical conditions, and that your weight is a direct result of that condition. Should you be forced to pay for two seats? That's like telling black people to "go sit in the back, the front seats are for whites only", now isn't it?

UAL and other airlines (because they're not the only ones by a long shot) have their reasons for making a policy like this, on the other hand. Who wants to be on a long-haul flight where you can't even be comfortable in a seat? Especially if you're being crushed by someone's flesh? I've been in situations like this myself. As overweight as I am (or was), I myself have had the unpleasant experience of being overwhelmed by someone who was morbidly obese to the point where they couldn't even walk correctly. I find that a frightening, sad thing - but there is help for this. There isn't a reason to suffer like this anymore, and those who don't get that taken care of by a doctor, well, that's on them. The people who are happy with being that kind of a size? They're the ones that should absolutely pay for two, three, four seats. Hell, let them have a whole row to themselves.

But those under a doctor's care, that's a dicey situation. It really is.

Airplanes are not known for their comfortable seats, anyway, unless you're in business class. When I flew to Sydney last year, I was probably shoved into the most uncomfortable seating arrangement ever, and that wasn't Air New Zealand's fault - that was just how the plane's made. There's nothing one can do about that.

Anyhow, I found this story rather fascinating. And I'm interested in what you all think about it. Is there anything to all of what UAL is trying to do, do you consider it discrimination, are there solutions to make all sides happy? I'm really curious as to what you think.

Briefly, on a personal note: things are improving. More later on that.

Counting down to the last days.

I only have 48 or so more hours here in Sydney, and I can say that this has truly been "the trip of a lifetime". Would I come back for another visit? You'd better believe I will, even if it takes forever to get here. I don't think that I'd ever visit this place in summer, though - 40+ Celsius temperatures are just a bit too much for me to handle. However, my next "target", so to speak, is Europe. I do want to visit the U.K. and Ireland, both places where my ancestors supposedly came from (my mother's side is from Devon in the south of the U.K., my father's side from northwestern Ireland, County Sligo - you know, the black marshes and shit, heh). But that'll be some time away, as I now owe a fuckload of money, pretty much. I still have to settle this shit with the stuff from D.C. - they unbelievably "gave my job away" while I was out of the country and they're supposedly upset about it. Uhhuh. Whatever. This is why I didn't pin any hopes on this shit, but... it still hurts.

I didn't really get a lot of pictures here - I guess I was just too excited to take a lot, and my Powerhouse Museum shots have seemingly disappeared into the void - which I truly am upset about. But we'll see what happens. I still have a couple of places to go before this trip is done, so I'll get what I can.

I attended a fabulous concert last night at The Basement here in Sydney, and saw Tina Harrod - she's fabulous! I've been slowly getting into jazz and slow 'night' style music, and let me say this - this woman will not disappoint by any means. I think one of my favorite tracks was 'C.C. Rider' - the heart and soul that she put into that track was unbelievable! She also did Portishead covers (I think that was a lot of her influence, tell the truth), Beatles covers... her range is impressive. It's a shame that she's not known in the States - she should be. She doesn't appear to have a website (it's down), but ABC Australia has a link here - go listen! Now! I command you! :D

I do have a rant, however, concerning the concert, and it has nothing to do with the music, or the performance - no, they were first-rate. This has everything to do with... my shoes. Yes, my shoes.

I purchased a beautiful pair of black and silver accented 'ballet flats' shortly before I came to Sydney. Indeed, I even bought them a size too large so that they'd fit comfortably. They're Dr. Scholls - a name well known in America for quality, comfortable footwear and foot products. Don't believe me? Have a look for yourself - it's all right here.

So I'm wearing these shoes, and suddenly my feet are pinching in the toes - this is not a normal place for shoes to pinch, if they're going to - normally all of the discomfort is going to come from the heel. Not these motherfuckers. Oh, no! I ended up standing at The Basement in my bare feet because these shoes pinched so badly that I couldn't even stand in them!

You should have seen me trying to walk back to the apartment. Ladies and gentlemen, a walk that would normally take me 5 minutes to complete in tennis shoes took me 45 minutes to walk - in bare feet. That's right, I walked the mean streets of Sydney at 12:45 in the morning - in wintertime, yet - in my bare toes. I only thank Christ that Sydney's sidewalks are practically clean enough to eat off of, because if this were Baltimore my feet would have been minced meat by the time I got back.

And the final insult? It says right on the shoes - "feel crazy good". Uh, right, my fat ass. If your idea of feeling crazy good is to have your feet pinched just standing in a pair of flats, then honey, this is your brand. I expected better from Dr. Scholls, who have a fucking reputation to protect.

Fuck you, Dr. Scholl. I bet your ass isn't a real fucking M.D., anyway. I bet you're one of those quack motherfuckers that sold cocaine as a wonder drug in the 1890s. Dickhead.

Now that my rant is over... I'm going to enjoy some stir-fry, and unfortunately start packing. I'm going to miss this place, very much. But it's time to get going on what is... well, left of my life, I guess.

An update on that dead body in front of my apartment.

Apparently the guy DID commit suicide. Sad.

Link here.

Starting to settle in.

I'm on day 6 (technically) of my trip, and I'm beginning to calm down from the absolute wonder and awe of just being here. I'm feeling much better physically, and I've been starting to get out and about, exploring the city. This is a marvelous place for exploration, I've found. There's so much to take in and see!

Some brief observations that I've experienced:

- The place is gorgeous - lots to see and do, and everything that you could possibly want or need is contained just in the CBD - never mind the rest of the city! I went on a short tour of the music/book/DVD stores here in the central district yesterday, and I was more than impressed. There's literally something here for everyone. I've actually so far only explored a tiny fraction of this place, and I'm already well satisfied with what I've found.

- The people here seem to fall into two categories - either they're beyond nice and can't do enough to see that you're happy and well satisfied... or they're rude as fuck and just have some nasty attitudes toward life in general. Example of this? I was at a small takeaway yesterday in a food court (I'll get to that) and there were a lot of people at the tables, we had to wait for a table. Well, a table finally emptied out, but this dumb bitch just.. left her trash on the table - the takeout bag, the half-empty soda can, all of it. I'm sorry, but to me, that's fucking rude. Especially when you know there's people waiting to sit down right where you were - how hard is it to walk all of 30 feet and throw your refuse away? I mean, really, that goes beyond rude. I wish I'd have said something, and I would have if she hadn't just disappeared that fast. Fucking rude, nasty bitch. If she does that shit out in public, I can't imagine what her house looks like.

Anyway. Where was I, lol.

- The food. I must say something about the food here in Sydney - it's much more healthy in my opinion than in America. I mean, you can get more or less the same shit here as there, but... there seems to be a lot more things infused with flavor, know what I mean? Everything in America seems so bland by comparison. Example: the same restaurant as referenced above, they have something called a Bondi Burger (for those of you who want to know, it's Oporto's and it's fucking awesome) - it's a grilled chicken filet, lettuce, a little mayo, cheese and chili sauce. Now... this chili sauce nearly blew me away - seriously. It was hot, spicy, flavorful, and absolutely fucking wonderful. In America, you're not even going to get this. Our idea of 'flavorful' is minced onion, heh. And unbelievably, Oporto's here is considered 'fast food'! Jesus. If the people in Sydney got a hold of what we considered 'fast food', they'd quite rightly laugh at us....

Things are very, very, very expensive here. A 24 ounce bottle of diet Coke here can range anywhere from 2 to 4 Australian dollars - which is STILL a huge markup from American prices. It really depends on what you buy here, I think. My last grocery bill was all of 10 dollars AUD. Produce and vegetables are very expensive. Meat is cheap, especially steak and lamb. Chicken is expensive. Bread, it depends. Dairy is very expensive - you'll pay dearly for yogurt and milk. And things are labeled here quite differently from things in America. Ketchup here isn't "ketchup" - it's "tomato sauce". Diapers aren't called diapers, they're "nappies". And you'll have to really study the labels on the shelves to know what you're buying!

- Television here is quite interesting. They seem to love recycled American shows, oddly - but there are also some very great choices here for individualized, culturally significant programming. The SBS network here seems to be the best option for people such as myself. I will say that I've watched more television here in the nearly 6 days I've been here than I have in the last three years, hah.

- Women do not seem to wear anything approaching tennis shoes here. I've seen all of two women wearing sneakers - one of them being myself. It seems mainly to be very high heeled boots or dress shoes, nothing else. Actually, the men don't seem to either for all of that - they seem to like loafers or dress shoes. This city, from what I've noticed, seems to be very fashion-conscious, although that could just be because I'm in the downtown district and therefore I'd be exposed to it. I'm sure I stick out like a sore thumb here.

- People drive to the left here, which I had expected to see, but at the same time it's a bit of a shock to actually watch put into practice. It's strange, but I'm actually used to it now and I even can see some of the benefits of it. Every street has "Look Left/Right" painted on the corners to assist us ignorant Americans so that we don't get gobsmacked by a Holden running down the road. :D Also, it's strange, but the pedestrians here seem to do the same thing - you stick to "your side" of the sidewalk, and they do not take it kindly if you just walk "all over the place".

- I've seen all of 3 black (African-descent) people since arriving in Sydney. I've been assured that they do live here, but you would not know it by looking in the streets. There are, however, a LOT of Asian people here. Chinese, Japanese, Vietnamese, Thai, Korean - you name the Asian country, they're here. The cuisine also reflects that - I've never seen so many restaurants in my life with Oriental food. I'm in heaven :D I keep forgetting that I'm technically in the Asia-Pacific Rim, really, and when I do remember, it hits me as to just how far away I really am!

- The weather is mercurial, to say the least, at least at this time of year. It was raining pretty heavily for the first few days I was here, it's started to even out about now. I can definitely see it being VERY hot here in the summertime, as I haven't needed anything more than a hoodie to keep myself warm (it's wintertime here right now, unbelievably). There have been some points where I've had to leave the balcony door open because it's been too hot in here!

I haven't seen much of the 'touristy' type places as most would, but then this isn't my style anyway, as most whom know me are aware. I've been to the Sydney Aquarium (I highly recommend it, by the way), and I'm going to the Taronga Zoo sometime this week. Also, I'll be attending the Tricky concert on the 30th here, as well as a fabulous jazz show at the Basement the night before. I'm so looking forward to it!

Today I'm probably going to do a bit of cleaning up, as I need to do laundry and tidy up in here. It hasn't even been a week here yet! This vacation is going a little slower than I expected, but I'm glad of that. I'm really enjoying myself.

For those of you who have access to my Facebook profile (and most of you do), I've posted some of the pictures into a new album there temporarily. I know that some of them need cleaning up and I will do just that when I get home, as I don't have a photo manip program with me here. But do enjoy them. I wish that I had the ability to be more descriptive, but truly, Sydney's one of these places that you just have to see for yourself. :D

I'm having so much fun. I really am!

I'm here!!!

Finally, after 3 days of recovering from jetlag and searching in vain for a free Wifi connection (you'd think a large city like Sydney would have them!!!), I'm here, sitting in my little apartment-slash-hotel room in Sydney, Australia. What a long, strange trip it's been, let me tell you.

I have a lot to say, a great deal to tell already, and it's only been 4 days, but I'll try to make it somewhat briefish so that this post won't be longer than the entire blog itself, hah. What I actually might need to do is experience the entire trip, and then break it down into smaller parts, because ... well, I've had a lot of impressions in my short time here. Being the ignorant American that I am, I'm in awe at some of the things I've experienced, the plane rides just being one of many.

I guess that I could start with that.

Day 1 – 7/22
Mainly a day of rest, as I had a very long, hard trip here. I spent close to 36 hours on planes and running in and out of airports, virtually with little sleep. I am not looking forward to the return journey, as it’s going to be just as long. I stunk to high heaven by the time I did get here, mainly from the fact that some woman’s baby decided that my lap was a toilet on the way from LAX to Auckland. Bleh.

Baltimore to Houston was easy. Two college students from Colorado shared my row and they were very gracious. The seats were cramped as hell – very uncomfortable. Breakfast was cereal, milk and a banana. The movie was ‘Drillbit Taylor’. It sucked.

Houston to LAX was one of the easier flights. The seat next to me was empty, so it was just me and a businessman from California who was also very gracious. A repeat of breakfast – it was the exact same thing. A repeat of the movie – again, the exact same movie. I guess that Continental doesn’t bother to have different offerings. The staff on the Continental flights were very gracious, however.

LAX to Auckland was the longest flight, and also the worst one. I felt sick for the first two hours on the plane, probably because I had no choice but to wait out the long layover. The aforementioned stupid woman and her baby were the seatmates. Afterward, some stupid bitch had the nerve to complain about the “odor from behind her”. Well, hey, lady, talk to the dumb bitch who decided her kid could use my lap as a toilet. It’s not my fault it smells – complain to her.

I had the headache from hell. The flight attendant gave me some “Panadol” (which is more or less aspirin over here in Australia and NZ) and I was out like a light once I DID start feeling better. I more or less slept the rest of the way over. It’s funny, this is the flight that I was so nervous about because of going over the Pacific Ocean… but I slept most of the way. I guess that after all I’d been through, a plane crash seemed the least of my worries, heh.

The New Zealand airport is very tiny – all of ten gates. I was surprised. I tend to think of Auckland as a major city, but its airport doesn’t put it across as if it is. Very odd, indeed.

The flight from Auckland to Sydney was very light and there weren’t a lot of people on it – so little, in fact, that I could and did move my seat at will. After the hellish journey from LAX, I was very happy to see that.

I had jetlag very, very, very badly and it continued into Day 2, and even for a portion of Day 3. Seriously, folks – Australia is a long-assed haul from ANYWHERE. You’re going to be tired. I don’t care how energetic you are. You’re going to be tired.

And that's only part of my notes, but that more or less covers most of day 1 here. Those are really shorthand notes - after all, I didn't think that I was even going to get an Internet connection to use in the first place. I'll probably expound more upon said thoughts when I get home and know that I'm not going to be cut off unexpectedly, ad nauseum. It's already saying, hey guess what, you're on borrowed time, hahaha.

Anyhow. I do have pictures, but seeing that I'm limited here, it'll probably have to wait until I get back to the States to share. But I'll try to get in here, I'll work something out.

I'm having a blast. :D

P.S. I will get into my impressions of Australian culture, pastimes and food later on, but I DID want to share this with my American friends - today I ate... that's right... kangaroo.

So, what did I think of it?

At first it tasted quite odd, but the more I ate of it, the more I enjoyed it. I’m not sure that I’d eat it all of the time, but it made quite a nice change from what I’m used to. It’s very gamey – sort of how I’d imagine venison to taste (not that I’ve ever had any). Definitely no fat on roo meat whatsoever. I couldn’t get it out of my head that I was eating one of the characters from the Pooh novels, though. -_-

'kay, folks. This is it.

I'm out of here! :D The next posts you'll see from me will be coming to you somewhat-live from Sydney, Australia!

Wish me luck on the plane rides, I'm so going to need it.

Post #2 - Friday's Burning Musical Question - Week #5 (P.S. Post may be NSFW)

Hah! Today's musical question is so appropriate, considering that I'm leaving for my holiday on Sunday!!! :D This'll be easy!

Top 5 Vacation Albums (albums you have to have with you when you travel or make you think you're on vacation)

Warning: One of the album covers has some nudity on it, therefore it's NSFW. You've been notified. :p

1.) Pink Floyd - Wish You Were Here

2.) Led Zeppelin - IV (Zoso)

3.) Rare Earth - In Concert

4.) Bohren & Der Club of Gore - Midnight Radio

5.) Shake Sauvage: French Soundtracks 1968-1973

Reminder: I will not be participating in the musical memes for the next 2 weeks, due to my being in Sydney on vacation - they'll return on Monday, August 11th. :D

It's getting down to the wire.

A couple of quick notes, here - I will not be doing the Monday/Friday musical questions while I am in Sydney, due to the fact that I'm probably just going to be too busy with... well, having fun and sightseeing, etc. So tomorrow will be the last one for a couple of weeks.

I will be posting photographs to the blog, however, so that everyone can sort of "share my trip" with me. I'm not accustomed to taking a lot of pictures, so please bear with me on this - the plane trip is going to be very difficult on me, I have 4 flights to take and I'm more or less traveling almost 24 hours nonstop. I don't know that I'll have a lot of airport photos and there might not be an update for a day or two while I acclimate to the time zone changes. But the updates shall indeed come.

When I get back, I'll try to arrange things so that everything will be in one place - but for now you'll just have to take them as you see them.

In other news, I went for drug test #2 yesterday. Hopefully I'll have the job nailed down by the time I get back.

It's going to be a very, very busy time for the next two months. I'm glad that I'm feeling better enough to handle things. Buspar is a godsend.

Sit down and shut up, Sydney!

So, those in the know are aware of a huge event going on in Sydney right now, some nonsense called World Youth Day, which is nothing more than a big suckup event for Catholics. Pope Hitle - errr, Benedict is going to be there and hold this huge Mass for what they say is over half a million attendees (they call them "pilgrims" - how charming). Now, in the process, the powers that be in Sydney and indeed in the Australian government have done quite a bit for what is frankly a Church-sponsored event, including spending 150 million Australian dollars in taxpayer money (something that people in the U.S. wouldn't even begin to tolerate), ripping up a perfectly good racecourse (Randwick) instead of using the Sydney 2000 Olympic stadium (something that I'm sure everyone can agree on, use this instead, duh, it seems a foregone conclusion!), disrupting the entire business district due to road closures, we could go on and on. But I've recently read something that absolutely upends all of the previous insults.

Get this. There are now new laws that have gone into effect, apparently temporary in nature, that allow Australian police to arrest and/or fine citizens for "annoying or harrassing pilgrims". That includes wearing anti-Catholic T-shirts, carrying placards or protest signs, and handing out condoms. If you should dare to do any of these actions, you'll be at the least fined nearly 5,500 Australian dollars (5,325 USD). This law is apparently supposed to run through the entire month of July.

I never thought that in 2008, I'd see laws like this enacted in any country. This law is so broad and open-ended that it would be very easy to be arrested - just think about it! If some cornfed, whey-faced "pilgrim" with a stick up their ass went to any police officer and said, "Officer, this girl is boooooothering me!", I'd be arrested, with no provocation, no warning, no bloody reason given whatsoever! The simple fact is that I was "booooothering" them! That's enough to land me in a Sydney jail! What kind of shit is this?

I'll admit that I have a potentially annoying T-shirt that I was going to wear in Sydney while I was there. I'll even maybe cop to the fact that I was thinking about wearing it in the airport when I got there - it's no secret that I disdain the Catholic religion, with its hate for women, homosexuals, people who are anything but mindless sheep thinking their way - I'll admit to that. But my God - what kind of society do you have to live in that you're afraid to even speak out for fear of being arrested and strip-searched? Yes, my friends, it goes even that far. The NSW police also, under this law, have the broad power to strip-search you! And you believe the Catholic Church when they say they had no influence over this? Suuure...and I believe that those priests didn't molest little children, either!

Say what you will about America, my friends, but we would never tolerate this abuse - ever.

Of all of my Australian friends, not one of them support this bullshit - not one. And that's a far cry from the "Australians are delighted" bullshit that the media wants to spoon-feed the public.

It is indeed a sad day for Sydney.

(Picture kindly supplied by youthagainstwyd.org)

More rambling from a confused head.

So today's Saturday the 12th - only a week left before I do what is arguably one of the craziest things I've done in my life, which is travel ten thousand miles away from one of the only places I've ever known.

Am I ready for it? In a lot of ways, yes - I'm packed, I have everything I'm going to take at this point, for the most part, and I have a good idea of what I'm going to do as far as things to see, things I want to do, etc. But I'm not ready for it in other respects - the long plane trip (I have four flights to take before I get there, which is probably one of the worst travel itineraries I could have managed - but I was trying to save money), the fear of the long plane trip, the fear of getting to Customs in Australia and getting shit taken away from me for whatever reason, etc. Or worse, not being let into the country at all. (Though I can't imagine for what reason I'd be denied, but stranger shit has happened, heh.) I've already been informed that I can't bring food in - and that means anything, heh, it'll get confiscated - God only knows what I'm going to do about my personal care stuff. I'll probably have to leave it all home. And my medicines - Jesus. If they took my medicines, you may as well just send me on home with them, because as we all know, I don't function well without my crazy pills, teehee.

There's just a hell of a lot of anticipation built up into this, as much as I don't want to admit that there is, and I'm worried. Actually, petrified, if truth be told. But you know what? It's a week away. It's too late to call it off. So now I ride with it. It's all done.

The gubmint didn't call me for my test. Figures. I'm really, really tired of feeling like I have to put my life on hold. So as far as I'm concerned, they've got a week to get me down to D.C. to take it, or they'll just have to cool their heels til after the 6th. Either way I'm set - I either go to school (I haven't cancelled it yet) or I take this job. It's up to them at this point. I'm not living my life on pins and needles anymore.

So far, all good on the Buspirone. I've been hearing that I'm practically a different person on this shit. Well, good. Maybe this is what I needed.

I'm in a weird mood today - like... resignation. I can't stop whatever's going to come in the next month, so I may as well just not fight it. Whatever happens... happens. Does that make sense?

I'm looking into learning how to sew. I need some more hobbies.

Anyway. Just a quick update. T-minus 7 days and counting down. (shiver)

Crazy, crazy day.

So much has happened to me today that I'm not sure of what to think. I guess I'd better get it out here, or at least attempt to...

Back in late January, after I left the bank because I more or less went nuts, the gubmint called me about a possible job that I'd applied for all the way back last July - and I went down to the interview, bleh blah, so on and so forth. In early March, they'd told me that I had passed the interview, and they would send me down for a drug test in Washington so that they could do the "final steps", so to speak.

Well, what happened was that in early April, they told me that there were no vacancies for the position, because the problem is that this job is mainly available, due to what has to be done in it, for male applicants. Females just aren't needed. So they said that they'd keep my name on a list and that when a job vacancy opened up, it was mine if I wanted it. Well, keep in mind - this is 8, 9 months later. I can't put my life on hold for 9 months. So I said 'okay' to that and just went about my business, enrolling in school and getting prepared for the semester.

Now, get this - the gubmint called me today. And told me that there was finally a vacancy open. I need to go take a drug test again because it's been more than 2 months, but after that, I'm scheduled to be brought aboard.

Can you believe this shit?

Right now I'm in a total state of shock. I don't know what to think. I even told them about the upcoming trip - be damned if I'm going to give this up now, 10 days before I'm scheduled to leave - and they said "no problem".

I'll be honest - at this point, my mind's a blank. I just want to go to Sydney right now and then I'll come back to... whatever my life's going to be. If I even know what that is right now. Since there's apparently no problem with my trip, I'm going to go, think about where I'm going and what I want to do... and then I'll know.

Funny how you just give up on life and then suddenly everything goes your way. I just don't get it.

T minus 10 days to Australia and counting. I'm getting nervous as shit now.

By the way, some of you might have noticed that there's a few more adornments on the side of the page. I put up a link to Petfinders and the "pet of the day" at the local rescue shelters. For those who might not know, I'm very much into cats, love them, always have. And I've been wanting one for a very long time - though with the job now I may not be able to take care of one - but if I do get one, I'm going to go with a rescue cat. If you ever decide to have a pet, consider your local shelter. Too many animals are being bred with not enough homes. Like that politician guy in Cecil County has on his bumper - "if you can't feed 'em, don't breed 'em" - pretty simplistic statement.

I lived with an animal hoarder for 3 years. It's not pretty. Things happened to those cats (21 of them) and dogs (4 of them) that I don't even want to discuss, as it's a searing pain that still rests on my heart. I regret with all of my heart that I didn't call protective services sooner than I did. I tried so hard to take care of those cats and dogs, but when your so-called partner doesn't give a shit....

(sigh) No, no point in getting into that now. It's too painful. All I can say is, if you ever see someone doing that shit, call the cops on them. Please.

Anyway. Have a look at the new links. The shelters have some gorgeous cats up for adoption. :)

The month of July has finally arrived!

Not even 19 days left before I head on out of here! Whoa! :o

I think I've finally figured out what I'm going to do as far as my blog's concerned. I'm going to go ahead and keep writing from the road, when I can, but I'm going to direct everyone to have a look at my photographs elsewhere - at least I hope I'll be able to do this. I'm known for not really paying much attention to taking pictures while I'm on holiday, but this time I'm going to, simply for the fact that I'm going to a place that I'll probably never get to see again in my lifetime.

It's hard for me to describe how I'm feeling at the moment, because it changes from day to day. One minute I'm overexcited about going - after all, a trip to Australia is a lot of peoples' dream trip, at least in the U.S. it is. And let's face it, in this hard-assed economy right now, it's a miracle that I'm going at all. I thank Christ every single day here recently that I prepaid most of my trip - the plane fare, the accomodations, all of that - with gas prices the way they are now, there's no way in fucking hell I could have managed this if I hadn't. That's what all of the people who laughed at me for making plans early get - I was right and you were wrong. Hahaha. :p Anyway, the next minute I'm seriously thinking this was a huge mistake, for many reasons (one of them being financial, heh - I am no position to be spending a shitload of money over there like I was going to). But... well, I'm not hard to please, really. I'm not a partier, I'm not going to be going out every night, and the things I want to see either cost very little/are free, or they're worth every penny of its exorbitant price, heh. We shall see what happens.

Otherwise I'm trying to take it as easy as I can today. I have yet more cleaning to do, but I'll get round to it this week. The doctor's appointment is the day after tomorrow. It figures that now I feel fine, meh. Ah, well. Nothing's stopping me.

I've added a new friend to my last.fm, engelmeine. She also posts on the Music Memoirs memes, as "she-schenker" - her blog is nicely designed and very well done. See it here. I bow to her superior HTML skills. (Actually, I do pretty well myself, but I need to actually get up off of my duff and do it, lol.)

Off for now, cheers.

Back in full force. Yay!

I haven't been too verbose as of late, but I've been feeling really rotten, if you want to know the truth. The heat's getting me down, I'm physically tired due to whatever bullshit is wrong with me, and I'm slowly attempting to clean, get this place together before I head out of here. 2 weeks and some days, and counting! Goddamn! :o

I managed the last of the laundry, so there isn't even one piece of clothing in this house that isn't clean. Yay! I'm going to miss my washer and dryer when I leave here - the new apartment has laundry buildings, which sucks ass - but I'll manage. After all, I'm the one that used to have to climb over 5 feet of brush and weed every time I wanted to wash clothes in Georgia. And oh my God, it did no good, it still smelled like swamp mud anyway. Blech. I'm so glad that I don't live there anymore, you all have no idea, heh...

Otherwise, things are about the same. I wanted to do a Friday music thingie, but I was just too sick. I think Friday was probably the worst day out of the week. I have a really, really busy week coming up, though - I'm supposed to go out tomorrow and pick up the last of what I need for Sydney - sunglasses, a DVD case (because the one I ordered from eBay never showed up, the fuckheads), shoes, etc. I think I'm going to take my contacts, though I haven't worn them in years. But, eh... my specs are in such bad shape. I should really go to the eye doctor, I know. Maybe when I get back...

Then I have my doctor's appointment on Thursday. I've never been so fucking eager to go to the doctor in my life - I hate them, hate them, hate them, so that ought to tell you something's wrong for sure.

I also have to run up to the apartment place this week. And go back to Medix to sign some stuff. Meh, no rest for the weary this week, eh?

Still looking for a way to showcase my trip on here instead of opening up another useless blog - silly. I'll figure something out.

Ah, well. Back to scrubbing my shower. Isn't my life just exciting as shit? :p

It's hump day without the humping. -_-

Teehee at the title. Sometimes I crack myself up.

I've added a "this is how many days I've got before I leave for Sydney" widget thingie on the side. Only 31 days left, holy shit. It doesn't feel like that little! I still have a couple of things to buy, but I'm more or less through. Now to pack up and clean this hellhole of a house - I hope I can get enough strength together for that - I haven't been feeling too well physically here lately. Still, I may go out tonight to the stores and buy what I need to. I do need to get out of here and enjoy myself a little bit, even if it's slow and tedious. The weather's nice enough, anyway, but I want to wait until it's dark. I hate going out in the sunlight, and even worse, the sun isn't fully down over here right now until nearly 9:30pm. Gah, fuck that. I HATE summer!

I've been thinking about discontinuing my Paxil here recently, because I honestly don't think it's helping me anymore, and I'm really worried about the possible addiction factors. The more I read, the more what I'm finding is scaring me. I don't like the things I'm hearing about this drug. And to be honest with you - I've not felt any better on this drug than the others I've tried. But I don't want to taper off of this right now, there's too much involved in doing so and I've got a lot of things hanging over my head at the moment. Perhaps when I get back, I'll think about it. I'm going to the doctor on July 3rd, so I'll have a little confab about it then.

I'll be sort of documenting my trip over the time I'm in Sydney - well, what time I can carve out, anyway - but for those who are curious about pictures and the like, I'll make sure to work something out so that you can see them here. I'm not sure of how that'll be accomplished - I really don't want to open a second blog just for this purpose. But I'll figure it out before I head off.

Maybe I'll go bike riding for a while. It sure is beautiful out, if too sunny. A lot more clouds and it would be perfect, but... eh, the temperature's a good tradeoff.

P.S. The General Tso chicken at China Harbor across the street is the fucking bomb. Goddamned, fucking delicious. I mean that. I mean that. :D

More tweaking, more musings!

As you can see, I've made a few more additions to the blog, though I don't suspect I'll do much more to it. I've already received a few compliments on the look and feel of it - guess the rain background didn't quite appeal much after all - and I'm comfortable with it as it is. It does look kind of sharp, doesn't it. :D

There's not much going today. I woke up with a huge headache, unfortunately, and I can see myself lying down and "taking it easy" today - but I did manage to get a few things done last night after the phone calls stopped, heh. I'm half packed for Sydney already (I'm really not taking much), and I'm preparing for my first overseas trip ever. To say that I'm nervous is an understatement - just the plane ride over is going to scare me half to death - but I'm excited, too. I've always wanted to travel, and now I get my chance.

Not much else to report, other than I made a fabulous pasta salad last night that I think I even outdid myself on. One of the things few people know about me is that I love to cook. That ability, like mostly everything else, was made fun of when I was young, so I just kept it hidden.

I was raging about a socially important (to me) subject last night while with friends, and I'd meant to write about it in here, but I'm honestly too tired at the moment. I think I'm going to go back to sleep for a bit, but I'll post about it later, as I do remember what it was about. You know how sometimes you get up and you think you're all right, but then you find out you're still too sleepy to function? That's me right now, heh.

(conk!)

It's Friday. Hot damn. Or maybe warm.

A few things on my mind today...

I had a conversation with my mother today (and I try to keep those as short as possible, considering that she and I don't get along all that well - she's family and I love her despite everything but she has a good way of making me feel like shit) about various things - and for some reason, it always comes back to my brother. No matter what I talk about, everything comes back to my brother, his life, how he feels, what he's doing, what my sister-in-law's doing, etc. etc. etc.

Now, before I get accused of being called an ungrateful bitch (which I'm almost certain some would say), I have to explain this about my brother, okay - he's 42 years old, he's married to a woman that is more or less a quadraplegic - can't walk, in a wheelchair, she has a brain tumor and has problems, I understand that. He does not work. His job is taking care of her and making sure that she's comfortable. Again, I understand that. It's a lot of work and a lot to take on.

But, here's the thing. I always hear about how rough my brother has it, about how they have no money, about how little sleep he gets, etc. I feel horrible for saying this, but - so the fuck what?

First of all, they live in the fucking Virgin Islands. I'm sorry, but they can't be that far in debt if they spend Christ-knows-how-much-money to custom-build a house in the Virgin Islands - they lived in Northern Virginia before they moved. Now, for those who are in the know - Northern Virginia is not a cheap place to live. It's a part of metro Washington D.C. Go look up housing prices in those areas - that'll tell volumes that I can't here. If they spent all of their money building a house in the Virgin Islands - whose fault is that? And they have to fly to Puerto Rico every two weeks for her medical treatments. How intelligent was this decision?

They originally claimed that they moved to the V.I. because it was warm. I'm sorry, I no longer buy that, because now they're moving to Michigan - and Michigan is not warm, no amount of words is going to make it so, heh.

Even if they no longer have a dime to their name - who had the bright idea to move to the islands in the first place? At the very least, one could say that someone didn't do their research too well. The Caribbean is expensive.

In the meantime, I'm struggling just to keep body and soul together. I'm trying to go back to school, I've taken crap jobs in the last year and a half and have had a fucking mental breakdown because of one of them - because I'm riding a bicycle and trying to catch a train and working overnights, etc. I landed in fucking Sheppard Pratt because I couldn't take any more pressure - and guess who's still paying the bills from that little episode? Do you have to look further?

Yes, right now I am unemployed and I'm more or less getting 'help' from my family. But first of all - I don't ask for it. I don't ask anyone for shit. I've gone so far as to sell things that were dear to me because I don't want anyone's help or assistance. Things don't matter to me, anyway, I've lost nearly everything I've ever cared about, so what's the difference? Second of all - why, why, why, why is it always about my brother? Why is his life that much more important? Every conversation I have with my family, it's about my brother. What his life's like, how hard he has it, etc. Well, goddamnit - don't I fucking count?

Is my brother here to help me as my mother gets older? Does anyone yell at him when he fucks up? If my mother has a fucking heart attack or falls down the stairs, will his ass be here to help? I didn't think so.

It's been this way ever since I can remember. I was constantly beaten up by his stupid girlfriend when I was a child because she just had to move in with us. "I was afraid for your brother", that's the reason I was given. That's the same reason that I was given when we had to move away from the neighborhood I spent my first years in, when I had to give up my education at a good (if brainwashing) parochial school, when I had to give up my friends, when I had to give up even my own space - his fucking whore had to share my bedroom while he had his own, after all, he's the "only boy" in the family, right?

When is it ever going to change? When is it not about him?

Heh, no worries, I swear to Christ I'm not having another attack. It just made me so angry when I talked to her today. For once I stood up for myself and said that I didn't want to hear it. She went on and on about my trip to Sydney as well, and I was angry - but calm. Basically I told her, "I don't want to hear it. I'm sorry that you disapprove of my trip, but I'm going and you're not going to stop me." I was shocked at how calm I sounded. But in truth? Heh. She just needs to, in Internet parlance, "STFU". I'm sick of hearing it.

I'm revamping the blog again today, but this should be the last time. If you want a link, just ask. I'll be more than happy to put it on. I've also decided that I'll do Mondays and Fridays for the music questions, as that's one of the few "memes" that I kind of like doing. Sorry for the multiple posts for a while, but I did delete a lot of shit - I think it was overdue, though. I had a lot of so-called "friends" on my profiles that I no longer associate with, so a fresh start is always good.

Cheerio.