This is probably going to be a pretty insensitive post here, so be warned. If you're offended at the end of it - well, too fuckin' bad, heh. :p Here goes.
I have an acquaintance on Eff-Bee (I don't consider this person a "friend", because I've never met them in person and only know them from a forum we'd shared once long ago) that consistently and constantly complains about - well, everything. Now, granted, they've had it hard recently. Their spouse cheated on them and their marriage ended up breaking up because of it. That same spouse that cheated on them is now due alimony for the rest of their life - alimony that equals thousands of dollars a month. In turn, this person got laid off a couple of years ago from a really prominent job, and is now down to their last unemployment check. They also have a pretty bad problem with alcohol and drinking too much. Sounds awful, yeah? It is, I'll agree.
But.... (isn't there always a but in there?)....
This same person has had jobs in the last couple of years - not as prominent, and it involved a commute that was hellish to the extreme, almost a 2 hour commute each way - but still, a job. A way to eat. A way to put a roof over their head. This same person has been advised to leave the state in which they live and attempt to fight their ex-spouse for alimony reduction and/or elimination. This same person has friends that have, time and time again, offered to let them live with them, help them out, get their life back on track. This same person has been told over and over again to quit drinking and smoking, to get themselves together.
Okay? So the stage is set; you now know what this person is like. Let me get to the meat of the story here.
This same person, the one to whom I refer above, consistently gets on Eff-Bee and posts negative shit. All the time. Things like "if you want something from me, too FUCKING bad, suck it up, blah blah". Or things like "I have given everything, now I'm leaving you all, goodbye", etc., etc. Constant manipulation and drama posturing. Not too long ago, I witnessed three friends of this person being blocked because they actually dared to tell them that they was being... what else.... a drama king/queen. People were actually fighting on this person's profile - fighting for Chrissake. This person self-describes themselves as "untreated bipolar" and actually takes pride in this self-diagnosis. Pride. This person is unemployed, has been for at least a year, but still has money to drink and smoke countless packs of cigarettes a day and travel to far-away states to indulge in a hobby - yet complains that they can't find a job. This person complains constantly about helping their greedy, selfish ex-spouse and their greedy, selfish manipulative children and their greedy, selfish father - yet they consistently send money and act as support and go "family is everything, blah blah". This person posts links to "meaningful songs" eight times a day - literally, I have seen this person post the same video 8 times in one day - and is practically screaming "NOTICE ME".
Well, I have noticed you. But you're not going to like what I have to say to you.
1. Stop threatening shit and just DO it. You're going to disappear, leave, start a new life? You're going to quit supporting your greedy family? Fucking DO it and quit threatening it. Otherwise, honey, you are all talk and no action. It gets old after a while. Ever hear of the story of "the boy who cried wolf"? That's you all over. After a while, no one is going to believe what you say or even notice it for more than anything it is right now - which is posturing. You are so contradictory - one minute you threaten everyone who "hurts your family" and the next you're like, "they're all greedy, selfish assholes, I'm done, I'm done, I'm done". Which is it?
2. Just because people say things to you that you don't like, it doesn't mean they're not right. Those three friends of yours were right - when you do contradictory things, a real friend is going to call you on your shit. A real friend will tell you when you're wrong, because that's what they do - it means they care about your dumb ass enough to let you know, "Hey, dude, I think you need to maybe consider what you're doing." Ever think of that?
3. The reason you don't have a job isn't because you're over 50 years old. The reason you don't have a job right now isn't because you're overqualified. It's because you don't want to give up your hobby. It's because you don't want to leave the place you're living now in order to get a job or start a life elsewhere. It's because you don't want to realize that sometimes you have to give up the things you want in life in order to survive. Life is about survival - something you claim to know very well, but I don't really think you do. That job you had where you had to commute 4 hours a day - yeah, it sucked that you had to do that, but you know what? If that's what it takes to eat, to have a roof over your head, then that's what you do. It's not for a 50 inch TV or a fancy car that you keep crying everyone wants - it's so you can eat, have clothes on your back, and a place to lay your head. That's what you claim you want - so get out there and do it, and don't complain if you have to do things you don't want to do. That's called doing what you have to in order to survive. If that means working at fucking McDonald's, then that's what you do.
4. Life is what YOU make of it. If your life has been a catastrophic mess for the last X amount of years, maybe you need to sit the fuck down and think about why that is. Nothing is ordained, okay? You need to maybe examine your own self and see what you might be able to do to turn that around. No one, no one, NO ONE in this life "deserves" anything and no one is going to fucking help you - the help lies in your own hands. There is no "knight in shining armor". There is no one that's going to ride into your life on a bright white stallion, scoop you up, and "take you away", okay? You're on your fucking own out here. The world is cruel, and life isn't "fair". Get used to it. Look at the things that you do, and say, and think, and you might find that a lot of your misery is caused by things you do... and say.... and think.
5. As someone with long-term depression, I find it reprehensible that you believe yourself to have depression of any kind and refuse to get treatment. As a matter of fact, I find your pride in "being unmedicated" absolutely abhorrent. You do not realize what your actions do to people around you. You do not realize that the things you say and do can cause incredible hurt to others. I've seen it myself with the way you treat people, even your own children (who love you despite the shit you AND your ex-spouse have done to them). You talk a big game about what a "real friend" does, but you know what? A real friend doesn't tell the people who care about them to "fuck off", "suck it up", because they happen to think differently than you do. I saw you go off on someone who had talked about buying their child a Christmas gift. How DARE you presume to think for others? Are you omniscient now? Is your way the only right way to think?
I only keep you on my "friends list" because I'm waiting for the next drama-filled post of yours. I'm waiting to see you implode, because you will if you don't fucking do something about your life. Stop treating people like shit. Get up off of your ass and do SOMETHING - anything. Get a job, move away from that hellhole you call a state, start making money off of your hobby, do SOMETHING. You've got plenty of friends left that will be more than willing to help you - that is, if you can keep from alienating them any further. Stop crying about how your life sucks - because let me tell you something, pal - there are plenty, plenty, PLENTY of people in the world whose life sucks more than yours ever will.
Maybe try a little GRATITUDE for what you do have. It works wonders.
End of rant.
Showing posts with label irritation. Show all posts
Showing posts with label irritation. Show all posts
21 December 2011
23 April 2011
Well, situation normal. It's all fucked up. :p
This past week has been absolutely horrendous. In the course of just 7 days, I've been feeling like utter crap, I've gained 3 pounds (putting me nearly back to the start of the year - when is this shit ever going to get better, damn it?), I've been harassed at work (I hesitate to say sexual harassment, but in truth that's exactly what it falls under) and now face the possibility of making a formal complaint, my mortgage went up by 40 dollars a month, I've lost my state tax refund because of the escrow shortage, and my cat's been puking up hairballs all over the house. I don't know if she's sick - she doesn't seem to be - but I'm a little concerned.
Fuck. Could this week have been any worse?
What absolutely amazes me is that for the most part, I've held it together and not crumbled to pieces. I keep reminding myself that things could be, and have been, a lot worse. Still, I didn't appreciate everything raining down on my head all at once, you know?
I was supposed to clean this weekend, but after all of this bullshit, I've pretty much boiled it down to "fuck this, I'll do what I like", heh. I am so tired, and it just seems that every bit of human contact that I've had recently has been nothing but a source of irritation. Though maybe it's nothing except paranoia, I just get this overwhelming sense that everything is either going wrong or is about to.
I look around and I see all of these things that I either want to do or, worse, need to be done... and I can't seem to find any enthusiasm or will to do any of it. It's like, what's the point?
Even my therapy recently hasn't much helped this sense of impending doom.
Maybe I'm just going through a bad patch right now, I don't know, but I wish it would stop.
Okay, bitching over. :p /complaint
Fuck. Could this week have been any worse?
What absolutely amazes me is that for the most part, I've held it together and not crumbled to pieces. I keep reminding myself that things could be, and have been, a lot worse. Still, I didn't appreciate everything raining down on my head all at once, you know?
I was supposed to clean this weekend, but after all of this bullshit, I've pretty much boiled it down to "fuck this, I'll do what I like", heh. I am so tired, and it just seems that every bit of human contact that I've had recently has been nothing but a source of irritation. Though maybe it's nothing except paranoia, I just get this overwhelming sense that everything is either going wrong or is about to.
I look around and I see all of these things that I either want to do or, worse, need to be done... and I can't seem to find any enthusiasm or will to do any of it. It's like, what's the point?
Even my therapy recently hasn't much helped this sense of impending doom.
Maybe I'm just going through a bad patch right now, I don't know, but I wish it would stop.
Okay, bitching over. :p /complaint
03 April 2011
Tired (and somewhat depressive) rambling.
Can't sleep at the moment, so I figured I'd make a post and wait for these pain pills to kick in. Thank Christ for Excedrin PM, that's all I can say. This weekend hasn't been the best for me on either a physical or mental level, unfortunately. I ended up sleeping for most of the day today because I just... I don't know, the lethargy was overpowering and I didn't feel like battling it, to be honest.
There's a lot going on right now. I'm embroiled in a huge project at work where I more or less have to create a website for the department, and while I have the talent/ability/skill to do it, they're not giving me a lot of time to accomplish the job and I'm beginning to fall behind in not only this, but the other things they've asked me to do (not to mention my regular duties). I'm starting to feel overwhelmed and irritable. I don't even want to think about what might happen after school starts - what the fuck am I going to do then?
My notebook computer suffered a devastating fall on Friday afternoon, and the screen is useless, so I ended up having to spend 700 dollars on a new one - an expense that is very, VERY ill-timed. I was rather proud of myself for not completely losing control, but I'm sick inside about the whole thing. As usual, it just seems as if I can't win, no matter what I do.
Maybe I slept the entire day away as a form of escape. I don't know. I'm painfully aware that I'm still not very happy with my life, even though things have improved quite a bit.
When I went out on Friday night to get the new computer, I watched people walking around at the harbor with a sort of detached observation... and as usual, I felt out of place and alienated from what was going on around me. That, at least, hasn't changed. I find that as time goes on, though, it bothers me less and less.
Whenever I feel sad or lonely or even a quiet sense of desperation... all that I have to think of to snap me out of that mood is all of the failed relationships that have gone on before... or the last time that I tried to date someone. The last time that I tried to strike out in the romantic arena, I was violated. That's enough to make me feel more than glad to be alone. Sometimes I think that I'll feel that way for the rest of my life, but.... oddly, it doesn't bother me nearly as much as it once did.
I simply don't want to be hurt anymore. If being alone is the price I have to pay for safety, for security... I will gladly pay it and be content.
Ah, hell, this is turning a bit toward the despondent, and I didn't mean it to be, as I'm not really depressed so much as lethargic and achy. Whiny, if you want to be blunt about it. :p As always, I'll probably feel better tomorrow or in a couple of days. I'm just laying here and hoping for sleep at the moment.
It's strange, because I've been eating the best I ever have these past few weeks (i.e., a lot of vegetables and fruit, not much meat, sensible portions, the "right things"), I've actually begun to lose a significant amount of weight, and yet... I feel like I've been spun dry in my Bosch, knocked around in a boxing ring, run over by a truck. It makes no sense. Perhaps my mind is fighting the progress that my body's experiencing, a psychosomatic response to the possibility of shedding the wall that I've been hiding behind for most of my life now. I know damned well that my weight is a hiding mechanism - no therapist has to tell me that.
The possibility of losing that mechanism is, apparently, too much for my cracked brain to handle.
I'm not giving up, though.
Anyway, enough of this complaining. Hopefully the Excedrin will do its job soon and I can get some shuteye.
Later.
There's a lot going on right now. I'm embroiled in a huge project at work where I more or less have to create a website for the department, and while I have the talent/ability/skill to do it, they're not giving me a lot of time to accomplish the job and I'm beginning to fall behind in not only this, but the other things they've asked me to do (not to mention my regular duties). I'm starting to feel overwhelmed and irritable. I don't even want to think about what might happen after school starts - what the fuck am I going to do then?
My notebook computer suffered a devastating fall on Friday afternoon, and the screen is useless, so I ended up having to spend 700 dollars on a new one - an expense that is very, VERY ill-timed. I was rather proud of myself for not completely losing control, but I'm sick inside about the whole thing. As usual, it just seems as if I can't win, no matter what I do.
Maybe I slept the entire day away as a form of escape. I don't know. I'm painfully aware that I'm still not very happy with my life, even though things have improved quite a bit.
When I went out on Friday night to get the new computer, I watched people walking around at the harbor with a sort of detached observation... and as usual, I felt out of place and alienated from what was going on around me. That, at least, hasn't changed. I find that as time goes on, though, it bothers me less and less.
Whenever I feel sad or lonely or even a quiet sense of desperation... all that I have to think of to snap me out of that mood is all of the failed relationships that have gone on before... or the last time that I tried to date someone. The last time that I tried to strike out in the romantic arena, I was violated. That's enough to make me feel more than glad to be alone. Sometimes I think that I'll feel that way for the rest of my life, but.... oddly, it doesn't bother me nearly as much as it once did.
I simply don't want to be hurt anymore. If being alone is the price I have to pay for safety, for security... I will gladly pay it and be content.
Ah, hell, this is turning a bit toward the despondent, and I didn't mean it to be, as I'm not really depressed so much as lethargic and achy. Whiny, if you want to be blunt about it. :p As always, I'll probably feel better tomorrow or in a couple of days. I'm just laying here and hoping for sleep at the moment.
It's strange, because I've been eating the best I ever have these past few weeks (i.e., a lot of vegetables and fruit, not much meat, sensible portions, the "right things"), I've actually begun to lose a significant amount of weight, and yet... I feel like I've been spun dry in my Bosch, knocked around in a boxing ring, run over by a truck. It makes no sense. Perhaps my mind is fighting the progress that my body's experiencing, a psychosomatic response to the possibility of shedding the wall that I've been hiding behind for most of my life now. I know damned well that my weight is a hiding mechanism - no therapist has to tell me that.
The possibility of losing that mechanism is, apparently, too much for my cracked brain to handle.
I'm not giving up, though.
Anyway, enough of this complaining. Hopefully the Excedrin will do its job soon and I can get some shuteye.
Later.
07 January 2011
So far, 2011 has been a suck year....
...at least on the health front, anyway. For once, it's not mental or anything connected with depression.
I've had a horrible case of vertigo for the last couple of days. I went to my vision doctor today to see if it had anything to do with my glasses, but it doesn't. Which means that I either have a viral infection (possible) or high blood pressure (possible, but unlikely).
If I have a viral infection, I got it - where else - from the fuckheads at work.
I'm getting really tired of catching these assmonkeys' diseases. Everything that I've been sick with in the last three years, I've caught from either my coworkers or the crackheads. It's getting fucking old, man.
Anyhow. What else is new, heh.
I've had a horrible case of vertigo for the last couple of days. I went to my vision doctor today to see if it had anything to do with my glasses, but it doesn't. Which means that I either have a viral infection (possible) or high blood pressure (possible, but unlikely).
If I have a viral infection, I got it - where else - from the fuckheads at work.
I'm getting really tired of catching these assmonkeys' diseases. Everything that I've been sick with in the last three years, I've caught from either my coworkers or the crackheads. It's getting fucking old, man.
Anyhow. What else is new, heh.
24 October 2010
Ugh, I just can't win!
Not too long ago, I was complaining that everything was going too slow, that I couldn't seem to get my life moving. Now it's going too fast. I'm starting to lose control of things again, but it's not because of depression. I have increased responsibilities at work, my classes this term are very difficult, I have to make time for therapy on the weekends... and my down-time is squeezed to almost nothing.
I'm starting to burn out.
I failed a biology quiz this weekend, and my web design class... well, I won't even go into that. The guy is a total idiot. Unfortunately, I can't drop it because my financial aid will be in danger, so I have to make the best of it. I will tell you now that I absolutely hate these two classes, both of them. I don't need the web design so much, but I DO need the biology, so I have to try the best I can to pass this shit so I don't have to take it again.
I shouldn't be panicking over failing one quiz. But I admit that I haven't been preparing for this stuff as much as I should. I just don't have the time to devote to this as I once did - but how do I quit now? I'm already nearly ten thousand in the hole for school loans, I'm going to quit now and not get anything out of it? It's not happening.
I'm just going to have to MAKE time, I don't have a choice.
It's funny, but when I was a lot sicker than this, I wasn't concerned over it. Now I'm "better", but panicking. Again....I just can't win.
I've been kind of frustrated these past few days. I don't really know what's going on with me, to be honest. It's not a depressive attack and I don't feel one coming on, but I also don't feel "myself", either. I think I'm scared over this school business. I know I'm not doing very well right now, and I really don't want to fail this shit. But, eh, maybe I need to. That's one of the core problems that I've always had, the fear of failure, because of the approval bullshit connected with that - again, external validation. When am I going to learn that it's OKAY not to be good at everything?
As long as I get a C in these courses, I've passed them. What is the big fuckin' deal?
Maybe it's something to discuss in therapy today, I don't know.
Other than this, though, I'm okay. Nothing of disastrous proportions has happened, heh.
I'm starting to burn out.
I failed a biology quiz this weekend, and my web design class... well, I won't even go into that. The guy is a total idiot. Unfortunately, I can't drop it because my financial aid will be in danger, so I have to make the best of it. I will tell you now that I absolutely hate these two classes, both of them. I don't need the web design so much, but I DO need the biology, so I have to try the best I can to pass this shit so I don't have to take it again.
I shouldn't be panicking over failing one quiz. But I admit that I haven't been preparing for this stuff as much as I should. I just don't have the time to devote to this as I once did - but how do I quit now? I'm already nearly ten thousand in the hole for school loans, I'm going to quit now and not get anything out of it? It's not happening.
I'm just going to have to MAKE time, I don't have a choice.
It's funny, but when I was a lot sicker than this, I wasn't concerned over it. Now I'm "better", but panicking. Again....I just can't win.
I've been kind of frustrated these past few days. I don't really know what's going on with me, to be honest. It's not a depressive attack and I don't feel one coming on, but I also don't feel "myself", either. I think I'm scared over this school business. I know I'm not doing very well right now, and I really don't want to fail this shit. But, eh, maybe I need to. That's one of the core problems that I've always had, the fear of failure, because of the approval bullshit connected with that - again, external validation. When am I going to learn that it's OKAY not to be good at everything?
As long as I get a C in these courses, I've passed them. What is the big fuckin' deal?
Maybe it's something to discuss in therapy today, I don't know.
Other than this, though, I'm okay. Nothing of disastrous proportions has happened, heh.
26 June 2010
Songs that make me absolutely sick.
I was watching VH-1 Classic this morning (often something I do when there is absolutely nothing on the tube - it's amazing, I have DirecTV satellite and yet out of 500+ channels there's still zero airing that isn't dreck), and they were having a "Totally 80's" block. (Shut. the. fuck. up. It's my generation, damn it, so kiss my round red ass.) Anyway... they were playing mostly good stuff, but there are some tunes from that era that were disgustingly "feel good, positive, chin up, happy happy" bullshit. Since the 80's were basically not a very happy period of time for me as a rule, those songs tend to make me want to vomit.
Unfortunately, some of them are making a comeback. Why, I could not tell you.
I now present some of the most disgusting tunes ever made - at least in my opinion. The videos are included, though why you would ever watch them, I have no idea. I know I won't be. (Note: they're not all from the 80's, but for some reason that decade was the most nauseating...)
1.) Katrina & The Waves - "Walking On Sunshine"
This is the video that got me thinking about this whole subject. I mean, come on. First of all, those three guys walking behind this bitch look anything but happy to be in this silly, sad video. And it's common knowledge that "the Waves" aren't nearly as important in this act as "Katrina", whom I suppose is pretty enough but quite frankly looks like she's singing about her girlfriend, if you know what I mean. (Not that there's anything wrong with that, but let's face it, those tennis shoes of hers don't make her look real feminine, know what I'm saying?) Second, if you're going to be doing a video about sunshine - pick a sunny day and not a foggy, gray rainmaker. Though the shots of the bridge in London are a nice touch. It does occur to me that it could be a statement of irony, but I honestly don't think that was the intention - they don't look intelligent enough for it.
2.) Bobby McFerrin - "Don't Worry (Be Happy)"
This is the song that is on my all-time shit list. Don't worry? Is this guy fucking nuts? It's obvious this asshole has never suffered with depression or has even heard of it. Plus that guy going "whoo-hoo-hoo" in the bridge makes me want to curl my nails into his throat and rip it out - Jesus, how irritating. This video is actually cut off in the middle of the song - which for me is sweet fucking relief. I think this one actually vaults above Miss Katrina up there for the "most fucking annoying" award. The real kicker about this song is - this douchebag doesn't even give you a reason why you shouldn't worry about things. Just unbridled, unthinking optimism. That's how people get hurt, motherfucker. Sad thing is, this dick laughed all the way to the bank with people's money. I guess he doesn't have to worry about shit, now does he?
3.) Fleetwood Mac - "Don't Stop"
It absolutely breaks my heart to have to put Fleetwood Mac on this list, because I've always liked them so much, especially the tracks "Dreams" and "Rhiannon", which are nothing short of beautiful. But this song is an abomination. The lyrics - ugh. "Yesterday's gone, yesterday's gone." Thanks for reminding me, assholes. I already regret that I've lost so much of my life to depression, I really don't need a reminder that I've wasted yet another day because I can't manage to hold my head up without sobbing my heart out. Jerks. My only consolation is that maybe Christine McVie and Lindsey Buckingham were LSD-tripping when they wrote this - I could possibly forgive them.
4.) Lee Ann Womack - "I Hope You Dance"
This bitch just...doesn't... get it. It's obvious that this song is for people that have never had one thing go wrong in their lives - that or fools, because you would be a fucking idiot to be that frigging optimistic. Thanks, but I will sit this out and be glad to do so, because I'm of the real world. What a douche. And so obviously trying to cater to the "girly-girl", the so-called "sisterhood", blah blah. Such a joke. I won't even get into that subject, because that's another rant altogether.
5.) Johnny Nash - "I Can See Clearly Now"
"I can see clearly now, the man's insane!
I can see all the bullshit that's in his way....
Gone is the common sense I thought he had,
He's going to sing a dumb (dim), dense (thick) piece of crap song!"
Heh, no doubt there'll be a part two....
Unfortunately, some of them are making a comeback. Why, I could not tell you.
I now present some of the most disgusting tunes ever made - at least in my opinion. The videos are included, though why you would ever watch them, I have no idea. I know I won't be. (Note: they're not all from the 80's, but for some reason that decade was the most nauseating...)
1.) Katrina & The Waves - "Walking On Sunshine"
This is the video that got me thinking about this whole subject. I mean, come on. First of all, those three guys walking behind this bitch look anything but happy to be in this silly, sad video. And it's common knowledge that "the Waves" aren't nearly as important in this act as "Katrina", whom I suppose is pretty enough but quite frankly looks like she's singing about her girlfriend, if you know what I mean. (Not that there's anything wrong with that, but let's face it, those tennis shoes of hers don't make her look real feminine, know what I'm saying?) Second, if you're going to be doing a video about sunshine - pick a sunny day and not a foggy, gray rainmaker. Though the shots of the bridge in London are a nice touch. It does occur to me that it could be a statement of irony, but I honestly don't think that was the intention - they don't look intelligent enough for it.
2.) Bobby McFerrin - "Don't Worry (Be Happy)"
This is the song that is on my all-time shit list. Don't worry? Is this guy fucking nuts? It's obvious this asshole has never suffered with depression or has even heard of it. Plus that guy going "whoo-hoo-hoo" in the bridge makes me want to curl my nails into his throat and rip it out - Jesus, how irritating. This video is actually cut off in the middle of the song - which for me is sweet fucking relief. I think this one actually vaults above Miss Katrina up there for the "most fucking annoying" award. The real kicker about this song is - this douchebag doesn't even give you a reason why you shouldn't worry about things. Just unbridled, unthinking optimism. That's how people get hurt, motherfucker. Sad thing is, this dick laughed all the way to the bank with people's money. I guess he doesn't have to worry about shit, now does he?
3.) Fleetwood Mac - "Don't Stop"
It absolutely breaks my heart to have to put Fleetwood Mac on this list, because I've always liked them so much, especially the tracks "Dreams" and "Rhiannon", which are nothing short of beautiful. But this song is an abomination. The lyrics - ugh. "Yesterday's gone, yesterday's gone." Thanks for reminding me, assholes. I already regret that I've lost so much of my life to depression, I really don't need a reminder that I've wasted yet another day because I can't manage to hold my head up without sobbing my heart out. Jerks. My only consolation is that maybe Christine McVie and Lindsey Buckingham were LSD-tripping when they wrote this - I could possibly forgive them.
4.) Lee Ann Womack - "I Hope You Dance"
This bitch just...doesn't... get it. It's obvious that this song is for people that have never had one thing go wrong in their lives - that or fools, because you would be a fucking idiot to be that frigging optimistic. Thanks, but I will sit this out and be glad to do so, because I'm of the real world. What a douche. And so obviously trying to cater to the "girly-girl", the so-called "sisterhood", blah blah. Such a joke. I won't even get into that subject, because that's another rant altogether.
5.) Johnny Nash - "I Can See Clearly Now"
"I can see clearly now, the man's insane!
I can see all the bullshit that's in his way....
Gone is the common sense I thought he had,
He's going to sing a dumb (dim), dense (thick) piece of crap song!"
Heh, no doubt there'll be a part two....
01 June 2010
Out of work sick - AGAIN!
Y'know... this is just getting fucking old, here. This is the second time in 2 months that I've had to take an extended time period off of work because one of these unhygienic, inconsiderate motherfuckers I "service" gave me their cold germs or their diseases or whatever. I'm sick of this - quite literally. If my supervisors would just let me wear a face mask like I wanted to, I wouldn't be constantly in and out of work like this. But, hey - it's on them. If they'd just follow my gentle suggestions, I'd not be home lying on my couch hacking away. Their loss, I guess. But it's costing me not only time from work, but money as well. I had to spend almost a hundred dollars today to get home (because the commuter train doesn't run during off-peak hours), the doctor visit, the medicines, etc. It's annoying. Really, really, really annoying.
The upside of it is that the two new female trainees we've got down there allowed me to go the hell home and take care of this shit.
So I'm stuck now on my sofa until Friday. Bully for me.
It's just as well, really, as I've been achy, tired and with a lot of shit floating around in this empty space I call my mind. I've been doing my best to reach out and make more social connections lately, with some limited success. Time will tell, but I have a feeling that things are about to change on that front.
No more, lest I jinx myself. All will be revealed in time.
Bleh, what can I do on this sofa for the next two days. (irritated muttering)
The upside of it is that the two new female trainees we've got down there allowed me to go the hell home and take care of this shit.
So I'm stuck now on my sofa until Friday. Bully for me.
It's just as well, really, as I've been achy, tired and with a lot of shit floating around in this empty space I call my mind. I've been doing my best to reach out and make more social connections lately, with some limited success. Time will tell, but I have a feeling that things are about to change on that front.
No more, lest I jinx myself. All will be revealed in time.
Bleh, what can I do on this sofa for the next two days. (irritated muttering)
18 December 2009
Oh, no, not again....
I am not feeling well once again, this time physically or mentally. The cold is still sticking around, this is true enough... but all of today I've been snappish, impatient with people, just a general bitch to be around. God, what the fuck is wrong with me?
I know I have a lot of things on my plate - work, school, the holidays - but that's no excuse for this. It really isn't.
I don't know what else to do but curl up and cry... what the living fuck is the matter with me?
I wish that I could say things are improving, but... today just isn't one of those days.
Meh.
I know I have a lot of things on my plate - work, school, the holidays - but that's no excuse for this. It really isn't.
I don't know what else to do but curl up and cry... what the living fuck is the matter with me?
I wish that I could say things are improving, but... today just isn't one of those days.
Meh.
07 December 2009
01 November 2009
Happy November.
I'm feeling a little better today, though I still have some severe aching in my joints. I'm not sure if it's a remnant of the illness I had or if it's from bowling too hard. I did very well - broke 100 twice in one session - so I'm either getting a lot better at it, or I was just very lucky. Hopefully it's the former.
Not much to report tonight. We've been attacked with the first Christmas commercial blitz, this afternoon. Fuckers. Can't they even wait until Veteran's Day before they start up with the holiday shit? My God.
Clocks went back last night. I'm not used to it being dark at 5pm anymore, it feels weird.
And that's about it. My life is so exciting, isn't it? :p No worries, tomorrow is Monday and I'll be just as irritated about work as I ever was. Nothing much has changed there, either.
Buhbyes. :p
P.S. The blog is still not fixed, at least to my satisfaction, anyway. I'll get it together this week. I recently upgraded everything to Windows 7 and I'm still getting used to it, so I might stumble for a while. Patience, chilluns.
Not much to report tonight. We've been attacked with the first Christmas commercial blitz, this afternoon. Fuckers. Can't they even wait until Veteran's Day before they start up with the holiday shit? My God.
Clocks went back last night. I'm not used to it being dark at 5pm anymore, it feels weird.
And that's about it. My life is so exciting, isn't it? :p No worries, tomorrow is Monday and I'll be just as irritated about work as I ever was. Nothing much has changed there, either.
Buhbyes. :p
P.S. The blog is still not fixed, at least to my satisfaction, anyway. I'll get it together this week. I recently upgraded everything to Windows 7 and I'm still getting used to it, so I might stumble for a while. Patience, chilluns.
09 September 2009
My vacation has officially started.
The cruise begins tomorrow. I hope that I can get through it all right. We'll see what happens.
I know that I sound rather cryptic at the moment, but I'm just really exhausted. I desperately need this vacation, whether or not it's with my mother. I'll post pictures, of course, when I get back.
In other news... Ride the Ducks has pulled out of the Baltimore market. Thank fucking Jesus. I hated those damned things. For those of you that are fortunate enough not to know what "Ride the Ducks" is... it's a company that does tours of cities in this... ugly-is-the-only-word-for-it "duck", a big van/boat thing from World War II. It drives on the streets and then apparently can go into the water for a cruise. Fine and dandy. But what was really, really annoying about these people was that they gave out these... duckbill-shaped kazoo things that made, of course, a "quacking" sound when you blew into it. And all of these stupid tourists, of course, knew no better and would "honk" at the locals going about their business on the streets. I made sure to give them the finger every time they went by, I can assure you. Wonder what the kids thought of that.
Some things are just too stupid for words. That was one of them.
Anyway. Still some packing to do, but I'll try and write one more time before I head out... if I can't, don't miss me too much or anything. Unfortunately, I'll be back. :p
I know that I sound rather cryptic at the moment, but I'm just really exhausted. I desperately need this vacation, whether or not it's with my mother. I'll post pictures, of course, when I get back.
In other news... Ride the Ducks has pulled out of the Baltimore market. Thank fucking Jesus. I hated those damned things. For those of you that are fortunate enough not to know what "Ride the Ducks" is... it's a company that does tours of cities in this... ugly-is-the-only-word-for-it "duck", a big van/boat thing from World War II. It drives on the streets and then apparently can go into the water for a cruise. Fine and dandy. But what was really, really annoying about these people was that they gave out these... duckbill-shaped kazoo things that made, of course, a "quacking" sound when you blew into it. And all of these stupid tourists, of course, knew no better and would "honk" at the locals going about their business on the streets. I made sure to give them the finger every time they went by, I can assure you. Wonder what the kids thought of that.
Some things are just too stupid for words. That was one of them.
Anyway. Still some packing to do, but I'll try and write one more time before I head out... if I can't, don't miss me too much or anything. Unfortunately, I'll be back. :p
26 August 2009
An open letter to the people I serve at work.
I know that one of the conditions of your probation or parole is to give a urine sample for drugs. I also know that this is the last thing you want to be doing - I totally get that. Did you know that in the course of a day, I do little things for you all that help the process go by easier for you? I have an idea.. let's work together so that the process goes easier for both of us. Want to know how you can do that? Great.
Have a look at the following suggestions. Feel free to use one or all of them. I won't mind a bit.
1. Come in on time. That's right, it helps greatly when you all don't bum-rush us starting at 6:30 at night all the way up to closing time. We're open for 12 hours a day. Some of you don't have employment - so in truth you have no excuse whatsoever. We work hard and we like to go home to our families and friends at night, just like you do. If you do, however, decide to be rude and come in during the last 15 to 20 minutes we're open - don't expect a warm welcome or a big smile, because you won't get it. We're tired, and we want to leave. That leads us to suggestion #2...
2. Give your sample and leave. Don't engage us in conversation in the bathrooms. You're not supposed to be talking in there anyway, it's considered a distraction. And to be frank, we're not interested in what a bitch you think your parole officer is, or your complaints about how you have to do this every week/month. We didn't put you in the position you're in - you did. Don't blame us for your stupid actions. We also know you have friends out there in the waiting room - a sad thing in itself - but we don't appreciate the loud music or the cell phones blaring the latest 'gangsta' hit or the gossiping that you all seem to do while you're there. Your requirement is to pee and leave - that's it, thanks, no more is necessary.
3. Have some pride. Seriously, folks, this one isn't hard. When you're a child, you're taught to flush the toilet. Please do so. I take back over 200 people per day - that's a lot of urine. No one wants to see your offerings in the toilet when we come in there, okay? That's just trifling, if you want to put it bluntly. I don't want to see your piss, or your used tampons floating in the water, I don't want to see crumpled paper towels on the floor, I don't want to have to apologize to the next customer that comes in there with me because you couldn't clean up after your nasty self. Hygiene is a fucking basic - I don't care how many drugs you've done, you know better than to do that shit in your home, at least I hope you do. Don't do it here either.
4. Don't argue with me; you'll lose.
This one is simple. You're there because you're on probation or parole. You're there to serve your time and to pay for what you've done wrong. Therefore if I tell you that you need to do something - you do it. Period. No arguments, no whining, no bitching. I run the show here, not you. If I have people waiting in line to submit their samples, you don't get moved to the front of the line on a whim. If I need a new picture of you, you're going to do it - if you don't, you don't test, and you can explain that to your parole officer when you're sanctioned for not doing what you're supposed to. If you need paperwork for me to process you, you'll get that paper before I do one thing to your record. You don't get it? You don't test. That's it - no argument. This is your life I'm handling here - if you don't have enough respect for your own life, that's not my problem, but I'll be damned if I'm going to get into trouble for your stupidity.
5. Do something with your life. I see too many of you on a daily basis wasting away. Get out there and do something. Can't find a job? Go back to school, they're offering financial aid and Christ knows that you all qualify, I work for a living and can't get shit so you sure have no excuse. Take advantage of the help that we're offering you. Don't sit on your ass and do nothing all day, because that's called being a parasite - and I'll be damned if you're going to feed off of me. The drugs might be tempting, but look where it got your dumb ass - in here, giving me a urine sample in a filthy bathroom. How's that working for you?
Like I said... feel free to follow these suggestions. You might find that your life will improve greatly if you do. And for those that would ignore my advice... fine by me, but you'll be in my unit year after year after year giving me urine, so get comfy, you'll be in the system a long, long time.
'nuff said.
Have a look at the following suggestions. Feel free to use one or all of them. I won't mind a bit.
1. Come in on time. That's right, it helps greatly when you all don't bum-rush us starting at 6:30 at night all the way up to closing time. We're open for 12 hours a day. Some of you don't have employment - so in truth you have no excuse whatsoever. We work hard and we like to go home to our families and friends at night, just like you do. If you do, however, decide to be rude and come in during the last 15 to 20 minutes we're open - don't expect a warm welcome or a big smile, because you won't get it. We're tired, and we want to leave. That leads us to suggestion #2...
2. Give your sample and leave. Don't engage us in conversation in the bathrooms. You're not supposed to be talking in there anyway, it's considered a distraction. And to be frank, we're not interested in what a bitch you think your parole officer is, or your complaints about how you have to do this every week/month. We didn't put you in the position you're in - you did. Don't blame us for your stupid actions. We also know you have friends out there in the waiting room - a sad thing in itself - but we don't appreciate the loud music or the cell phones blaring the latest 'gangsta' hit or the gossiping that you all seem to do while you're there. Your requirement is to pee and leave - that's it, thanks, no more is necessary.
3. Have some pride. Seriously, folks, this one isn't hard. When you're a child, you're taught to flush the toilet. Please do so. I take back over 200 people per day - that's a lot of urine. No one wants to see your offerings in the toilet when we come in there, okay? That's just trifling, if you want to put it bluntly. I don't want to see your piss, or your used tampons floating in the water, I don't want to see crumpled paper towels on the floor, I don't want to have to apologize to the next customer that comes in there with me because you couldn't clean up after your nasty self. Hygiene is a fucking basic - I don't care how many drugs you've done, you know better than to do that shit in your home, at least I hope you do. Don't do it here either.
4. Don't argue with me; you'll lose.
This one is simple. You're there because you're on probation or parole. You're there to serve your time and to pay for what you've done wrong. Therefore if I tell you that you need to do something - you do it. Period. No arguments, no whining, no bitching. I run the show here, not you. If I have people waiting in line to submit their samples, you don't get moved to the front of the line on a whim. If I need a new picture of you, you're going to do it - if you don't, you don't test, and you can explain that to your parole officer when you're sanctioned for not doing what you're supposed to. If you need paperwork for me to process you, you'll get that paper before I do one thing to your record. You don't get it? You don't test. That's it - no argument. This is your life I'm handling here - if you don't have enough respect for your own life, that's not my problem, but I'll be damned if I'm going to get into trouble for your stupidity.
5. Do something with your life. I see too many of you on a daily basis wasting away. Get out there and do something. Can't find a job? Go back to school, they're offering financial aid and Christ knows that you all qualify, I work for a living and can't get shit so you sure have no excuse. Take advantage of the help that we're offering you. Don't sit on your ass and do nothing all day, because that's called being a parasite - and I'll be damned if you're going to feed off of me. The drugs might be tempting, but look where it got your dumb ass - in here, giving me a urine sample in a filthy bathroom. How's that working for you?
Like I said... feel free to follow these suggestions. You might find that your life will improve greatly if you do. And for those that would ignore my advice... fine by me, but you'll be in my unit year after year after year giving me urine, so get comfy, you'll be in the system a long, long time.
'nuff said.
23 August 2009
06 August 2009
'kay, so... a quickish update.
I'm finally feeling okay enough to post a little bit, so here goes.
- Work sucks, as per usual. They really got on my last nerve today for some reason, but it's finally the end of the week. No hassles. But it's going to be taken up with...
- Schoolwork, heh. I'm approaching the end of my classes. Not hopeful for the crim course. The other, probably a B, if I can get off my lazy ass to do the overdue assignments. Pulled a B in the lib-sci course, yay me. At least that's proof that I'm not a complete idiot.
- My phone's pretty much died, it seems. Not receiving texts from most people. Sprint sucks ass, anyway. I'm looking at the iPhone as an alternative, but it's SOOO fucking expensive, ugh. We'll see.
- Kumari has the best fucking chicken tikka masala in Baltimore, bar fucking none.
- Cruise coming up in a few weeks. I have to shop. I hate shopping. That is all.
Other than that, my friends, it's been a dull couple of weeks. I don't know what my problem was last week as far as the anger's concerned. I think I'm off my medication schedules, have to get back on that. Meh. I've just been so bloody tired as of late... no energy whatsoever. I think it's the combination of school, work, the move, it's all just imploded and I'm exhausted.
Things should improve fairly quickly now that I'm more or less settled. We'll see.
Anyhow. That's it. What did you expect, a tearful goodbye line? :D Heh.
- Work sucks, as per usual. They really got on my last nerve today for some reason, but it's finally the end of the week. No hassles. But it's going to be taken up with...
- Schoolwork, heh. I'm approaching the end of my classes. Not hopeful for the crim course. The other, probably a B, if I can get off my lazy ass to do the overdue assignments. Pulled a B in the lib-sci course, yay me. At least that's proof that I'm not a complete idiot.
- My phone's pretty much died, it seems. Not receiving texts from most people. Sprint sucks ass, anyway. I'm looking at the iPhone as an alternative, but it's SOOO fucking expensive, ugh. We'll see.
- Kumari has the best fucking chicken tikka masala in Baltimore, bar fucking none.
- Cruise coming up in a few weeks. I have to shop. I hate shopping. That is all.
Other than that, my friends, it's been a dull couple of weeks. I don't know what my problem was last week as far as the anger's concerned. I think I'm off my medication schedules, have to get back on that. Meh. I've just been so bloody tired as of late... no energy whatsoever. I think it's the combination of school, work, the move, it's all just imploded and I'm exhausted.
Things should improve fairly quickly now that I'm more or less settled. We'll see.
Anyhow. That's it. What did you expect, a tearful goodbye line? :D Heh.
26 July 2009
Warning - very angry tonight. VERY angry. Don't read if you don't feel like being yelled at.
I don't even know where to start complaining, that's how pissed off I feel. It seems that all of my life, everyone has wanted something from me - and to fuck with how I feel about it. I can't count on either hand the number of people that have been in my life that didn't have some kind of fucking ulterior motive, whether it's been a favor, money, sex, attention, something. Great, fine and fucking well - but have I ever gotten anything in return? Anything but pain and heartache and hassle and fucking problems? Come on, now, don't be shy, let's hear it! Anybody?
(crickets)
That's what I thought.
This is one of those nights where everything makes me angry. I was on Facebook a few minutes ago and I just felt nothing but irritation. "Thisperson just took a quiz that says they have a 10-inch penis!" Well, whoo-fucking-hoo, that's bully for you, isn't it. If that's the culmination of what's important to you in a day, I'll seriously consider unfriending you. I am so fucking sick of stupidity! I don't give a rat's fucking ass about your penis, what kind of fucking ice cream flavor you are, whether your stupid cow wandered off your farm game, how many fake fucking chips you won at poker... I DON'T CARE. Keep that fucking shit to yourself, goddamnit. Does anyone actually give a shit about the state of the world anymore?
God, I've just had it with the fucking human race. As far as I'm concerned, I'd be happy to hole up in my apartment, and see as little of humanity as possible, because in one way or another I get fucked over. What is the motherfucking point of anything?
Want to avoid me after this post? Fine. Go right ahead, because if anyone thinks that I care, they are sadly fucking mistaken.
I am SO FUCKING DONE with idiocy. I've had it. I am DONE.
(crickets)
That's what I thought.
This is one of those nights where everything makes me angry. I was on Facebook a few minutes ago and I just felt nothing but irritation. "Thisperson just took a quiz that says they have a 10-inch penis!" Well, whoo-fucking-hoo, that's bully for you, isn't it. If that's the culmination of what's important to you in a day, I'll seriously consider unfriending you. I am so fucking sick of stupidity! I don't give a rat's fucking ass about your penis, what kind of fucking ice cream flavor you are, whether your stupid cow wandered off your farm game, how many fake fucking chips you won at poker... I DON'T CARE. Keep that fucking shit to yourself, goddamnit. Does anyone actually give a shit about the state of the world anymore?
God, I've just had it with the fucking human race. As far as I'm concerned, I'd be happy to hole up in my apartment, and see as little of humanity as possible, because in one way or another I get fucked over. What is the motherfucking point of anything?
Want to avoid me after this post? Fine. Go right ahead, because if anyone thinks that I care, they are sadly fucking mistaken.
I am SO FUCKING DONE with idiocy. I've had it. I am DONE.
01 July 2009
Irritation rules the day.
I've been pretty pissed off for the last couple of days, and it's starting to show. There's lots of little things that are adding up to make me one miserable fucking bitch to live with. Work (of course), partially because this stupid bitch that gets on my last nerve still isn't gone yet... "this is her last week", so they say. They said that last week, too. And I'm getting really fucking tired of doing everything by myself. Escorting these idiots, signing people in, I have to do everything because apparently my coworker (the stupid one, not the bitch - there's a difference) is now allowed to come in from 12 to 7 instead of 10:30 like the rest of us. No, I haven't asked why - I don't particularly give a fuck why, because it's still going to inconvenience me, now isn't it.
The assholes at Target are getting on my nerves as well - this morning I woke up to an Email bitching instead of a phone call. And I can't get a hold of anyone, apparently, unless I pay these motherfuckers. So I did. But I guarantee you that come Friday when I have time to sit down and make phone calls, they'll be getting a nasty, nasty one. I've already canceled the account. Who needs this shit.
Add these to waiting for my fail grade in the crim course... desperately needing a vacation.... and pretty much feeling like almost everyone's let me down as of late, and well, it's not pleasant. It's just not pleasant.
I have one more fucking day before I get 4 days off, and I assure you that I am going to enjoy this shit. Immensely. I am so looking forward to not having to hear the stupid one ask dumb questions... the horse-laugh of the bitch... the offenders whining for their test results... Jesus Christ. I need a vacation. I need to be away from the fucking human race for a few days... preferably longer but I'll take what I can get.
And just as fast as the anger comes, it's gone and I'm left with incredible, overwhelming depression. I just feel like curling up somewhere and crying. I hate this shit, I hate it hate it hate it HATE IT. I am so sick of everyone in the fucking world asking me for shit, I'm tired of dealing with other people and their fucking problems.
One more day and I can collapse and not deal with the world for a few days. That'll be nice.
The assholes at Target are getting on my nerves as well - this morning I woke up to an Email bitching instead of a phone call. And I can't get a hold of anyone, apparently, unless I pay these motherfuckers. So I did. But I guarantee you that come Friday when I have time to sit down and make phone calls, they'll be getting a nasty, nasty one. I've already canceled the account. Who needs this shit.
Add these to waiting for my fail grade in the crim course... desperately needing a vacation.... and pretty much feeling like almost everyone's let me down as of late, and well, it's not pleasant. It's just not pleasant.
I have one more fucking day before I get 4 days off, and I assure you that I am going to enjoy this shit. Immensely. I am so looking forward to not having to hear the stupid one ask dumb questions... the horse-laugh of the bitch... the offenders whining for their test results... Jesus Christ. I need a vacation. I need to be away from the fucking human race for a few days... preferably longer but I'll take what I can get.
And just as fast as the anger comes, it's gone and I'm left with incredible, overwhelming depression. I just feel like curling up somewhere and crying. I hate this shit, I hate it hate it hate it HATE IT. I am so sick of everyone in the fucking world asking me for shit, I'm tired of dealing with other people and their fucking problems.
One more day and I can collapse and not deal with the world for a few days. That'll be nice.
29 June 2009
Thumbs down to the assholes at Target.
So I have an account with Target, okay, to get my medicine from their pharmacy. I recently did a bit of purchasing, stuff for the house and whatnot, and got close to my limit. I went ahead and paid the bill, sent them a hundred bucks, and considered the matter closed.
Well. Remember that bullshit with the checks bouncing from my Justice account? That was one of the accounts that was directly affected by it. So... instead of letting me fix this mess... they cut off online access to my account. Isn't that great? So now I don't have a way to pay these fucking assholes unless it's by a check - but guess what? I don't pay my bills with a check. It's inconvenient and it takes too much time. I pay my shit like everyone else does these days - online.
I've called these idiots at Target three times to try and get this bullshit straightened out, but they still can't seem to be able to fix my account so that I can pay this bill. The best part about it now is that they called me today - at work - to demand a payment. Ain't that a fucking BITCH? They can't manage to get their IT department straight - they're all apparently outsourced, lucky me, because they can't seem to speak a word of English, never mind understand me - and yet they have the balls to call me and demand a payment. That's funny. So funny that I'm going to call them tonight when I get home and literally bitch them out - and I assure you that I'm going to get the highest supervisor I can (hopefully one that speaks English, anyway) to straighten this crap out.
I'm not going to pay by phone - because I'm not paying their outrageous fees to do it. Fuck that shit.
I know one thing's for sure - I'm dropping this motherfucking account once I pay it off, because 1. these people have been incredibly unpleasant to deal with and 2. I get my medicine from a Rite Aid now because it's closer to where I'm going to be moving. I don't need this unbelievable crap.
Justice fucking owes ME money for all of the time I've had to spend straightening this shit out with all these people. I can say that much.
Sigh. Other than this headache, life's been more or less okay. My crim project is due tonight - I'm going to fix it and turn that in ASAP - and I expect my failing grade later this week, heh.
Meh. I am so pissed off now. How dare they pull this shit.
Back to work in a few minutes. I can't write entries while up at the counter anymore, they're starting to monitor Internet usage up there and they're threatening people with a 14 day suspension. I can't afford to lose salary for two weeks for a blog entry - it's not worth it. Sooo....
... more later. I guess.
Well. Remember that bullshit with the checks bouncing from my Justice account? That was one of the accounts that was directly affected by it. So... instead of letting me fix this mess... they cut off online access to my account. Isn't that great? So now I don't have a way to pay these fucking assholes unless it's by a check - but guess what? I don't pay my bills with a check. It's inconvenient and it takes too much time. I pay my shit like everyone else does these days - online.
I've called these idiots at Target three times to try and get this bullshit straightened out, but they still can't seem to be able to fix my account so that I can pay this bill. The best part about it now is that they called me today - at work - to demand a payment. Ain't that a fucking BITCH? They can't manage to get their IT department straight - they're all apparently outsourced, lucky me, because they can't seem to speak a word of English, never mind understand me - and yet they have the balls to call me and demand a payment. That's funny. So funny that I'm going to call them tonight when I get home and literally bitch them out - and I assure you that I'm going to get the highest supervisor I can (hopefully one that speaks English, anyway) to straighten this crap out.
I'm not going to pay by phone - because I'm not paying their outrageous fees to do it. Fuck that shit.
I know one thing's for sure - I'm dropping this motherfucking account once I pay it off, because 1. these people have been incredibly unpleasant to deal with and 2. I get my medicine from a Rite Aid now because it's closer to where I'm going to be moving. I don't need this unbelievable crap.
Justice fucking owes ME money for all of the time I've had to spend straightening this shit out with all these people. I can say that much.
Sigh. Other than this headache, life's been more or less okay. My crim project is due tonight - I'm going to fix it and turn that in ASAP - and I expect my failing grade later this week, heh.
Meh. I am so pissed off now. How dare they pull this shit.
Back to work in a few minutes. I can't write entries while up at the counter anymore, they're starting to monitor Internet usage up there and they're threatening people with a 14 day suspension. I can't afford to lose salary for two weeks for a blog entry - it's not worth it. Sooo....
... more later. I guess.
08 June 2009
Nothing new to say.
I haven't been around because as the title claims... well, nothing new. I'm still in a sour, angry mood. I'm tired of stupidity, hypocrisy, the human race.
I'm still alive. But I debate on whether that's a good thing.
Meh.
I'm still alive. But I debate on whether that's a good thing.
Meh.
31 May 2009
Can it get any worse?
At this point, I'm not sure, but it's not been a good couple of days for me. This week has been rough in several spots, mainly on Thursday night when I ended up having to go to University of Maryland Medical Center for a workplace injury to my hand. It wasn't anything - I slammed my fingers into a metal doorknob by accident - but they made it into this huge deal. I ended up spending 3 1/2 hours in the ER down there, and I never did get seen at all. I walked out at 11:30pm, cursing up a storm and saying "Fuck this, I'm going home."
Trust me, the University of Maryland Medical Center is not the place you want to be seen for an emergency room case.
I ended up not getting home until 1:30 in the morning, and then I had to turn around and get right back up at 6am for work. Because I assure you, once they found out that everything was okay, they were like, "Sorry, hon, but we neeed you." (Insert whining tone of voice here.) Uh-huh, you need me, but you don't need 3/4 of the rest of the staff that don't do any work in the first place over the week, right?
I managed to get through my first week of classes okay, but I'm still nervous, as I know this is just the beginning of the workload. I'm not looking forward to week 2.
I'm more or less just trying to keep myself afloat right now. I wish that I could relax, but that's not going to be possible for a while.
I did get a 1200 dollar check from UMUC as a student refund, though. Shame that I think it belongs to the gubmint, because I sure can use that money to pay off some stuff. We'll see.
It's almost 5am, and I should be asleep, but... sigh, there's so much on my mind right now and I'm so tired mentally. I wanted to go do laundry (yes, at this hour) but the pathway is just way too dark for me to navigate it with a basket. I'll have to wait until daylight, and that'll be in a couple of hours, but... somehow I don't think I'm going to last that long. Sunday usually isn't a great day for me, anyway, as I spend most of it recovering from the rest of the week - which means sleeping.
I have an outfit for Monday if I absolutely need to use it, but... I just prefer all of my work clothes clean at the same time. Just a quirk of mine.
Anyway... I guess I'll try to get some shuteye. Tomorrow starts June, which means it'll officially be summer and therefore the hot-assed weather begins. MEH.
Trust me, the University of Maryland Medical Center is not the place you want to be seen for an emergency room case.
I ended up not getting home until 1:30 in the morning, and then I had to turn around and get right back up at 6am for work. Because I assure you, once they found out that everything was okay, they were like, "Sorry, hon, but we neeed you." (Insert whining tone of voice here.) Uh-huh, you need me, but you don't need 3/4 of the rest of the staff that don't do any work in the first place over the week, right?
I managed to get through my first week of classes okay, but I'm still nervous, as I know this is just the beginning of the workload. I'm not looking forward to week 2.
I'm more or less just trying to keep myself afloat right now. I wish that I could relax, but that's not going to be possible for a while.
I did get a 1200 dollar check from UMUC as a student refund, though. Shame that I think it belongs to the gubmint, because I sure can use that money to pay off some stuff. We'll see.
It's almost 5am, and I should be asleep, but... sigh, there's so much on my mind right now and I'm so tired mentally. I wanted to go do laundry (yes, at this hour) but the pathway is just way too dark for me to navigate it with a basket. I'll have to wait until daylight, and that'll be in a couple of hours, but... somehow I don't think I'm going to last that long. Sunday usually isn't a great day for me, anyway, as I spend most of it recovering from the rest of the week - which means sleeping.
I have an outfit for Monday if I absolutely need to use it, but... I just prefer all of my work clothes clean at the same time. Just a quirk of mine.
Anyway... I guess I'll try to get some shuteye. Tomorrow starts June, which means it'll officially be summer and therefore the hot-assed weather begins. MEH.
10 May 2009
Warning. A Mother's Day rant - just for you.
Back out now if you can't handle extreme sarcasm, bitterness and bile. Because I don't want to hear it about how 'negative' I am and all of that rot. If you're a regular reader here then you know damned well I'm not going to be happy and cheery and full of sunshine, bleh blah. Deal with it.
So, today is Mother's Day. And quite honestly, I'm sick of hearing about it. I'm not a mother, first of all - I don't have kids, I don't want kids, and I don't particularly like kids. Kids are tolerable once they hit 11 or 12 because it means they have enough sense (or the capability of having enough, anyway) to know better when they do something stupid. But before then? Forget it. I don't deal well with adults that have no sense, so kids don't stand a chance.
I also have a problem with the fact that we're "celebrating" the fact that women spread their legs, get screwed, and nine months later another human overpopulates the world. So the fuck what? No offense, but any woman can do that. It takes no special ability. It takes no talent to breed. I don't think that a day to celebrate a supposedly natural human function is necessary.
And I can hear all of the "mommies" screaming now. "You're not a parent! You don't know what we go through to raise these kids! Wah, wah, wah, wah!"
My response is simple. You brought that shit on yourself. Don't come crying to me when little Johnny or Susie steals money out of your wallet for makeup or pot or something stupid because of "peer pressure". Don't whine to me when little Johnny or Susie pitches a fit in the grocery store because you won't buy them a candy bar. I'll step right over them in the line and I won't hesitate. And especially don't whine to me when little Johnny or Susie puts your ass in a nursing home at 75, 80 years old because they don't feel like dealing with you anymore. That's the thanks you'll get for "being a mommy" - drooling all over yourself in some old age home, with bedsores on your ass and wishing for death every second.
Doubt me? I've seen it happen too many times.
It amuses me that the people who make the very best parents either don't want or don't have children, or at the most they have one that they know how to parent properly. Fuck this shit with the Duggers or that dumb bitch in California with the 14 kids. It's people like them that should be shot in a public square.
I know my opinion isn't the teeming masses'. I'm glad it's not. Because I can take my money and enjoy it. I don't have to worry about little Johnny or Susie's diapers/sneakers/school clothes/band instruments/club dues/blah blah on and on.
When I go on my cruise later this year, I'll be sure to wave to all of you "mommies" on shore, hmm?
Edited to add: Besides, I don't think males get nearly enough credit here, either. Some of my friends are excellent fathers - but recognition for it? They usually have to whistle for it. And that's not right either.
So, today is Mother's Day. And quite honestly, I'm sick of hearing about it. I'm not a mother, first of all - I don't have kids, I don't want kids, and I don't particularly like kids. Kids are tolerable once they hit 11 or 12 because it means they have enough sense (or the capability of having enough, anyway) to know better when they do something stupid. But before then? Forget it. I don't deal well with adults that have no sense, so kids don't stand a chance.
I also have a problem with the fact that we're "celebrating" the fact that women spread their legs, get screwed, and nine months later another human overpopulates the world. So the fuck what? No offense, but any woman can do that. It takes no special ability. It takes no talent to breed. I don't think that a day to celebrate a supposedly natural human function is necessary.
And I can hear all of the "mommies" screaming now. "You're not a parent! You don't know what we go through to raise these kids! Wah, wah, wah, wah!"
My response is simple. You brought that shit on yourself. Don't come crying to me when little Johnny or Susie steals money out of your wallet for makeup or pot or something stupid because of "peer pressure". Don't whine to me when little Johnny or Susie pitches a fit in the grocery store because you won't buy them a candy bar. I'll step right over them in the line and I won't hesitate. And especially don't whine to me when little Johnny or Susie puts your ass in a nursing home at 75, 80 years old because they don't feel like dealing with you anymore. That's the thanks you'll get for "being a mommy" - drooling all over yourself in some old age home, with bedsores on your ass and wishing for death every second.
Doubt me? I've seen it happen too many times.
It amuses me that the people who make the very best parents either don't want or don't have children, or at the most they have one that they know how to parent properly. Fuck this shit with the Duggers or that dumb bitch in California with the 14 kids. It's people like them that should be shot in a public square.
I know my opinion isn't the teeming masses'. I'm glad it's not. Because I can take my money and enjoy it. I don't have to worry about little Johnny or Susie's diapers/sneakers/school clothes/band instruments/club dues/blah blah on and on.
When I go on my cruise later this year, I'll be sure to wave to all of you "mommies" on shore, hmm?
Edited to add: Besides, I don't think males get nearly enough credit here, either. Some of my friends are excellent fathers - but recognition for it? They usually have to whistle for it. And that's not right either.
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