Improving bit by bit.

So I had a pretty good therapy session yesterday. My doctor says that I'm making progress, without drugs and without excuses. I've come to think of his office as "my personal screaming place", because more often than not, I rail and rant and cry my eyes out in there. It's to the point where he has a box of tissues on the ready, because I always, always use them.

There's no doubt about it - this is easily the hardest undertaking that I've ever experienced. But I can slowly feel my mindset, my attitude, my whole life beginning to change. I still have moments where I feel the utter blackness, the lack of a future... but new thoughts are creeping into my empty brain, the realization that someone else's toxicity isn't either my fault or under my control. And I'm learning to just let go.

That sounds like such an easy thing to do... let go. But it's not as easy as people make it seem. I'm learning, though. Slowly, painfully, but learning.

I had the beginnings of lonely feelings last night. Instead of doing what I normally do (which would be either sinking into a deep, depressive funk and cry, or search frantically for someone or something to give me external validation and make me feel better - neither of which techniques work), I sought to find something that would make me laugh. And by God (pun intended), I found it.

Observe below. Yes, it's juvenile as hell. Yes, it's hysterical.




(For those of you who aren't familiar with the televangelist craze of the late 80's, the guy above is Robert Tilton, who used to run a megachurch out in Texas someplace and had a network TV show called 'Success N Life', from which most of these clips are taken. I remember it well. They used to show it on crappy little independent TV stations that were desperate to fill their airtime. Robert Tilton's "church" was exposed in 1991 on ABC News as a fraud.)

In any case, just watching that silly, sad video made me feel a lot better. And I didn't participate in any self-destructive habits to accomplish it. Therefore... well, I'm pretty proud of myself.

I'm not confident enough to say that my life is better - yet. But it's on an upswing, and after all I've been through, I guess that's good enough for me.

I think curling up for a nap with the kitteh sounds like a fine idea about now. :)

Sit down and shut up, Sydney!

So, those in the know are aware of a huge event going on in Sydney right now, some nonsense called World Youth Day, which is nothing more than a big suckup event for Catholics. Pope Hitle - errr, Benedict is going to be there and hold this huge Mass for what they say is over half a million attendees (they call them "pilgrims" - how charming). Now, in the process, the powers that be in Sydney and indeed in the Australian government have done quite a bit for what is frankly a Church-sponsored event, including spending 150 million Australian dollars in taxpayer money (something that people in the U.S. wouldn't even begin to tolerate), ripping up a perfectly good racecourse (Randwick) instead of using the Sydney 2000 Olympic stadium (something that I'm sure everyone can agree on, use this instead, duh, it seems a foregone conclusion!), disrupting the entire business district due to road closures, we could go on and on. But I've recently read something that absolutely upends all of the previous insults.

Get this. There are now new laws that have gone into effect, apparently temporary in nature, that allow Australian police to arrest and/or fine citizens for "annoying or harrassing pilgrims". That includes wearing anti-Catholic T-shirts, carrying placards or protest signs, and handing out condoms. If you should dare to do any of these actions, you'll be at the least fined nearly 5,500 Australian dollars (5,325 USD). This law is apparently supposed to run through the entire month of July.

I never thought that in 2008, I'd see laws like this enacted in any country. This law is so broad and open-ended that it would be very easy to be arrested - just think about it! If some cornfed, whey-faced "pilgrim" with a stick up their ass went to any police officer and said, "Officer, this girl is boooooothering me!", I'd be arrested, with no provocation, no warning, no bloody reason given whatsoever! The simple fact is that I was "booooothering" them! That's enough to land me in a Sydney jail! What kind of shit is this?

I'll admit that I have a potentially annoying T-shirt that I was going to wear in Sydney while I was there. I'll even maybe cop to the fact that I was thinking about wearing it in the airport when I got there - it's no secret that I disdain the Catholic religion, with its hate for women, homosexuals, people who are anything but mindless sheep thinking their way - I'll admit to that. But my God - what kind of society do you have to live in that you're afraid to even speak out for fear of being arrested and strip-searched? Yes, my friends, it goes even that far. The NSW police also, under this law, have the broad power to strip-search you! And you believe the Catholic Church when they say they had no influence over this? Suuure...and I believe that those priests didn't molest little children, either!

Say what you will about America, my friends, but we would never tolerate this abuse - ever.

Of all of my Australian friends, not one of them support this bullshit - not one. And that's a far cry from the "Australians are delighted" bullshit that the media wants to spoon-feed the public.

It is indeed a sad day for Sydney.

(Picture kindly supplied by youthagainstwyd.org)