In truth, I don't think I really need to do that, as it's again all laid out for you on the blog if you care to go back and have a look. Were there any highlights for me? Honestly, there weren't - but neither were there any serious setbacks. I think this past year has been what I call a "transition" year.
I haven't made as much progress on my health, either physical or mental, as I would have liked. I am "better" mentally, though not where I'd like to be. And physically? Bleh, that's gone straight to hell, so I need to really focus on that this upcoming year. I'm fast approaching 38 now (God... really? ugh-ugh-ugh-ugh) and if I want any chance of avoiding the inherited family health difficulties, I need to get cracking on that. It might already be too late, to be honest. But I need to try, so.. that's a priority.
I haven't made much progress on my financial situation, either, though I've started a goodish savings account and I'm going to pay off what I can in 2010. I really want to be in the position where I'll be able to buy a house by the time I'm 40. I don't know where I'll go or what kind of place I want yet, but that's not important right now, as I'm not ready for it anyway. 2010 is the year to "get my shit together", I guess I'll say. But I really want to be in better financial shape than I am right now.
Career-wise, I'm doing a lot better. I don't necessarily like my job, and I don't want to take urine for the rest of my life (Jesus, no, heh), but I'm settled in and to a point where I'm riding the job instead of it riding me. We desperately need more staff, as we're short-handed (the last two Tuesdays and Thursdays have nearly been the end of me, I'm not kidding), but they say it's coming. I've heard that one before, heh.
Personally? A write-off. I haven't been paying much attention to relationships or anything of the sort. Now is not the time for that. I have too much going on with other issues to deal with such things, and I have a feeling that 2010 will also be the same as far as that's concerned. I'm just not ready mentally, physically, any of it. I might never be at this rate, but... it's important for me to get everything else straightened out before I can focus on the wretched state of my personal life, heh. Some things that I have had previous difficulties with are starting to resolve themselves, and that's a very good thing...but I'm just not ready.
I don't do "resolutions". It's a pointless waste of time and it only encourages one to fail. I prefer to think of them as loose long-term goals for myself. That doesn't sound so bad, maybe.
This time last year I was alone on New Year's Eve and curled up on my couch watching television. It'll be the same again this year, but hopefully I won't start 2010 depressed and having another attack. I really have been starting to feel better in the last couple of days, so let's hope for the best.
I have discovered an awesome little online community for the depressed and suicidal, so that has and will greatly help me. I would reveal the name of it, but... right now I kind of feel like it's my little secret "haven" from the world and all of the people that know me, so... if you really want to know, leave me a comment/mail/etc. and I'll tell you, because I wouldn't want those who need it to go without.
Second year in a row that the weather's been crap here for New Year's Eve. I don't feel bad for the idiots sitting down at the Inner Harbor waiting for the fireworks. I hope they get rained on but good, heh.
So, anyway, that's my story and I'm sticking to it.
2009 in a song? Let's see... I think this pretty much sums it up for me.
Happy new year to all.
3 comments:
This post sounds really rather positive in a quiet, almost-there-but-not-quite sort of way.
Definitely more positive than negative.
I found 2009 to be totally shit-filled but dare I say it to anyone...? No.
I just know (don't ask me how, I just DO) that 2010 will be better for all. (Ok, it's cos I have this synaesthesia thing and I prefer some numbers to others... 2010 is just VERY good.)
So there you have it.
My prediction for this year... It'll be 'good'.
i feel bad i haven't been around to keep up with your blog. too much personal crap, and with going to chicago for the holiday, it's just been a whirlwind this past month.
i hope that you're feeling better, and hey.. nothing wrong with cuddling up on the couch on NYE! that's where i was!! LOL
i've seen a lot of positive changes in you, and in your writings, and i think it's just great hun!
cheers to 2010!! let the games begin!! *hugs* love you woman!!!
I just found your blog via Facebook.
The shitty thing is that you'll always hear "Yeah I know how you feel" or "I know what you're going through" but reality is they don't! A very dear friend of mine has been dealing with major depression for the last 20 years. Once, when she was 'well' I asked her "What can we do for you when you get that way?". Honestly, nobody really does know what to do. And everyone is going to be 'sick' in very different ways. But she said to me "Ali, what was most important to me, was knowing that you didn't walk away when things got bad" and I've always kept that in the back of my mind. I'll even sit with her and have a coffee. She won't say anything, she won't talk, but that's ok because she's my friend and I love her to bits, and will never let her down Everyone leads busy lives these days, but it only takes a minute to call, text, msg just to say hi. So, after all this time..."Hi".
Hugs to you, and I hope the light at the end of the tunnel begins to move more quickly towards you xxx
Post a Comment