Recently, it's been a time for anniversaries; those that have just passed, and a few that are coming up - both categories have a mix of good and bad. I've remarked upon a couple of them already, but the big one for this month is that of August 17th.
So what the hell happened on August 17th?
I began my current employment at the drug lab on August 17, 2008, a mere 12 days after I returned from Sydney. As a matter of fact, they had called me while I was out of town offering me the position. You can only imagine how much I'd panicked when I'd found that out - here I was ten thousand miles away and I couldn't just drop everything to start working, heh. Luckily they were nice enough to tell me not to hurry back!
Now, this may not seem like a huge deal - in the grand scheme of things, I guess it isn't. But that job offer opened up a world of security to me - after all, it's the Federal government. The Feds may be going through hard times right now, but my job (law enforcement) will always be needed, always be necessary, always provide for me. I gained security when I said yes to that job. And as we all know, security is my utmost priority in my life, simply because I've never had any up until now.
Three years later, I received my annual review with an astonishing 4 "fully met expectations" and 5 "exceeds expectations" criteria checked. I am not only on track to keep my job, but to continue on to a GS-7, which was unheard of to me 3 years ago (I started out as a lowly GS-3). The only bad thing about this now is that ... well, after GS-7, there's nowhere left to go for me. Not in the job I'm in now. That's the promotion limit.
I have until April of 2013 to decide what I want/need to do as far as this job is concerned. I guess that I never really thought that I'd last, or that I'd have such a choice to make. Hell, when I first took this job, I didn't think I'd live to see 40 years old... and yet, I'm approaching that milestone as well, very soon.
In some ways, my life is taking turns that are scaring me a bit. In late March of 2012, I will be 40 years old - half of my life gone. Yes, I've accomplished a lot in the last few years, and I'm proud of that... but at the same time, I'm saddened that it took that long for me to straighten out, that I spent 20+ years floundering and unsure and lonely and incredibly depressed. I'm sad that I didn't do more with my life up until now. Perhaps it's why I'm pushing myself so hard with school and work and trying to enjoy things - because I'm trying so hard to make up for the lost years.
Oh, bluh, listen to me, don't I sound all morbid, Gawd. I'm in a good mood - what's up with that? :p
I really, really need to fix this blog so that it's not so freaking dark anymore. I'm not dark anymore - why not reflect that?
Obviously I'm contemplative today. That could get me into some trouble, so maybe I'll do a bit of redesigning. We'll see.
2 comments:
love the wanting to update the blog! reflect the new you!!
Stop beating yourself up. The important part is that you've worked so hard on yourself that you're doing better.
It's a credit to your strength in character. You could have taken other paths, but you chose this one.
Pat yourself on the back for a job well done :)
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