Songs that make me absolutely sick.

I was watching VH-1 Classic this morning (often something I do when there is absolutely nothing on the tube - it's amazing, I have DirecTV satellite and yet out of 500+ channels there's still zero airing that isn't dreck), and they were having a "Totally 80's" block. (Shut. the. fuck. up. It's my generation, damn it, so kiss my round red ass.) Anyway... they were playing mostly good stuff, but there are some tunes from that era that were disgustingly "feel good, positive, chin up, happy happy" bullshit. Since the 80's were basically not a very happy period of time for me as a rule, those songs tend to make me want to vomit.

Unfortunately, some of them are making a comeback. Why, I could not tell you.

I now present some of the most disgusting tunes ever made - at least in my opinion. The videos are included, though why you would ever watch them, I have no idea. I know I won't be. (Note: they're not all from the 80's, but for some reason that decade was the most nauseating...)

1.) Katrina & The Waves - "Walking On Sunshine"




This is the video that got me thinking about this whole subject. I mean, come on. First of all, those three guys walking behind this bitch look anything but happy to be in this silly, sad video. And it's common knowledge that "the Waves" aren't nearly as important in this act as "Katrina", whom I suppose is pretty enough but quite frankly looks like she's singing about her girlfriend, if you know what I mean. (Not that there's anything wrong with that, but let's face it, those tennis shoes of hers don't make her look real feminine, know what I'm saying?) Second, if you're going to be doing a video about sunshine - pick a sunny day and not a foggy, gray rainmaker. Though the shots of the bridge in London are a nice touch. It does occur to me that it could be a statement of irony, but I honestly don't think that was the intention - they don't look intelligent enough for it.

2.) Bobby McFerrin - "Don't Worry (Be Happy)"



This is the song that is on my all-time shit list. Don't worry? Is this guy fucking nuts? It's obvious this asshole has never suffered with depression or has even heard of it. Plus that guy going "whoo-hoo-hoo" in the bridge makes me want to curl my nails into his throat and rip it out - Jesus, how irritating. This video is actually cut off in the middle of the song - which for me is sweet fucking relief. I think this one actually vaults above Miss Katrina up there for the "most fucking annoying" award. The real kicker about this song is - this douchebag doesn't even give you a reason why you shouldn't worry about things. Just unbridled, unthinking optimism. That's how people get hurt, motherfucker. Sad thing is, this dick laughed all the way to the bank with people's money. I guess he doesn't have to worry about shit, now does he?


3.) Fleetwood Mac - "Don't Stop"



It absolutely breaks my heart to have to put Fleetwood Mac on this list, because I've always liked them so much, especially the tracks "Dreams" and "Rhiannon", which are nothing short of beautiful. But this song is an abomination. The lyrics - ugh. "Yesterday's gone, yesterday's gone." Thanks for reminding me, assholes. I already regret that I've lost so much of my life to depression, I really don't need a reminder that I've wasted yet another day because I can't manage to hold my head up without sobbing my heart out. Jerks. My only consolation is that maybe Christine McVie and Lindsey Buckingham were LSD-tripping when they wrote this - I could possibly forgive them.

4.) Lee Ann Womack - "I Hope You Dance"



This bitch just...doesn't... get it. It's obvious that this song is for people that have never had one thing go wrong in their lives - that or fools, because you would be a fucking idiot to be that frigging optimistic. Thanks, but I will sit this out and be glad to do so, because I'm of the real world. What a douche. And so obviously trying to cater to the "girly-girl", the so-called "sisterhood", blah blah. Such a joke. I won't even get into that subject, because that's another rant altogether.

5.) Johnny Nash - "I Can See Clearly Now"



"I can see clearly now, the man's insane!
I can see all the bullshit that's in his way....
Gone is the common sense I thought he had,
He's going to sing a dumb (dim), dense (thick) piece of crap song!"

Heh, no doubt there'll be a part two....