......

I wish that I could say I'm doing better, but the simple truth of it is, I'm not. The new medicine is making me feel sleepy and sick, and I'm just not doing well at all.

I've applied for a new job. I just cannot deal with the bullshit down there anymore. It's with the gubmint, of course, it's even the same agency - just a different department. I requested a transfer to another unit today and got flat-out turned down - period. So... if they're not willing to help me out, I guess I'll have to help myself out. And that means applying to every gubmint position that I'm qualified for until I get something else. I have 8 months in - it's not a lot, but if I don't find something in 4 months, my year's probation will end and that'll mean I'm that much closer to security. Either way - I'm not staying. I'm tired of the unprofessional, junior high school style bullshit day in and day out. Fuck it.

It makes me sad to see my old posts back in August when I first got this job. I was so confident and so happy. Now look at me. It's the same bullshit revisited. Nothing ever changes.

This is such a long streak of bad... I haven't felt good in over three weeks. Jesus. It's got to end, doesn't it? Someone tell me that it'll be good again, please, because if this is what I've got to look forward to, I may as well put that bullet in my brain. I'm serious. I can't live like this much longer.

I am so fucking depressed and sad. Nothing is helping, absolutely nothing.

I need to sleep. Here's hoping I can get through the night without crying.