Better.

I'm feeling a little better this morning, though I have a headache that's the intensity of a 18 Richter-scale earthquake, which is a common symptom after an 'attack'. I'm grateful that the duration was very short - it does mean that I'm getting better. It's also Friday, which means very little work and not much stress. I'm grateful for that, too.

I was in the shower and going through my usual mind-process (see here for the details, and I got to thinking about friendship. I was ruminating over my last post, how awful I truly sounded, and thinking to myself that I just sounded like a whiny little bitch. Then my thoughts turned to my ex-best friend April, whom I've occasionally talked about before, but never in great detail.

April was my childhood best friend - we met in nursery school when we were 3 years old, and the friendship lasted until we were both 20. What broke that up? As usual, a man - go figure (and that man, Stephen, wasn't even worth it - he was an abusive son-of-a-bitch but that's another story for another time). That was really the final break, though - April had done a lot to hurt me before that. She was instrumental in the torment that I went through in middle school, with all of the bullying and the physical abuse (again, another story for another time, but I'll just say it happened and move on). To me, our friendship ended then, not later.

I used to ask my mother and brother (and later my brother's bitch of an ex-girlfriend that lived with us) to tell April that I wasn't home when she called. "I'm not home, tell her I'm not here!" My mother would say, "No, you tell her that, you're being cruel, you should talk to the girl, what did she ever do to you?" Thing is... I never told her what she did to me, because by that time my mother had proven that I couldn't tell her anything without my either not being believed, or that she didn't have time to hear it - that was a favorite excuse of hers, she never had time to hear it.

Plenty of time for my brother, though.

Anyway, I'm not sure what the point of this originally was - maybe I'm asking for feedback, were my actions cruel? What would you do if it was proven that a "friend" deliberately hurt you? On top of all the other hurt you were getting as well?

Meh. It was just on my mind, that's all. Sometimes the shower is better than therapy any day, heh.

No worries, for those who have asked, though. I'm okay today. And will be closer to fine by 7pm tonight - when I'm done with work for the week.