Time to catch up, at last.

So I've been scarce recently. As always these days, things are crazy busy, but I've also really not had too much to say. Nothing's much changed, but in my life that's always a positive.

I've been a bit antisocial as of late, without really knowing the reason as to why. I'm not mad at anyone, nothing's wrong, everything's peachy. I think that I'm going through a phase right now where I'm just kind of satisfied with my own company and I'm learning to enjoy that. My therapist would say that this is a great sign - maybe it is, because I've never just taken the time to relax and enjoy... well, my "self", if that makes sense. Still, I'm trying to make an effort to keep up with people, as I have enough trouble with making social connections as it is. I don't want to lose what little I've got, you know what I'm saying?

I felt really, really good this morning (both physically and mentally) coming in to work, which is not something that I'm much used to. It was weird, but there I was in Union Station waiting for the subway, tapping my heels to some silly song and feeling like dancing, of all things. Dancing? Now you know something isn't right, haha. Still, it was a shockingly good feeling. And one that I haven't had in a very long time.

Have I reached the end of this long, lonely road called depression, at last?

I don't really know the answer to that. I'm still seeing the therapist once a week, so I guess I need the help, and I don't foresee that ending any time soon. I can easily say that I feel I'm in a better mental place than I was a year ago, and even three months ago to be honest. I can say that I no longer have depressive attacks on a scale of "total annihilation". I am able to function, able to work, able to sleep normally. I take joy out of little things now, and get angry when it's warranted. The apathy is disappearing. The feelings of loss, dread, blackness, a life without a future, no longer come. I am no longer, at this time, suicidal.

Maybe, at last, I've learned that the person I've needed to really love all along was myself.