I've made a snap decision to go ahead and take a vacation - I've decided that I can no longer go on with my present course without going batshit mad. If I have to wait a little longer for the bed and the computer I need (because my old desktop broke down, finally, after nearly 7 years of faithful service) and the cookware and all of the other shit, that's fine. Because I'm burned out. There comes a time where you have to weigh your options. In this case it was keep on the way I'm going, make mistakes, lose my temper more and more often, and eventually risk my job... or spend the money, take the vacation, take time for myself to regroup and relax. Not much of a contest there, I guess.
So I booked a cruise to the Bahamas. Yes, I know, why another cruise, I hated the last one, didn't I? I didn't really hate it - I just didn't want to travel with my mother, and it showed. I'm alone on this one, and I think that I'll probably enjoy myself a lot more, if only because I don't have to worry about doing things and wondering whether or not she has enough energy to go upstairs for a cup of coffee without complaining. I also don't have to suffer her talking to complete strangers about how America's health system is so inferior to Canadian plans - I swear, she did that to me on that cruise we went on, she yapped on to everyone and anyone that would listen about how much we suck as a nation, etc., etc. In other words, she pulled the same bullshit that she's always pulled all of my life, embarrassing me in front of people and making me wish dearly that there was a hole to sink through. Is it any wonder I had such a rotten time? I didn't want to be around her. And that wasn't the extent of her mouth, either - but I don't want to get into that. I'm actually feeling somewhat all right-ish today, if a bit contemplative, so I don't want to upset the peace that I've finally managed to somewhat achieve.
Anyhow, I'm going on September 13th, almost a year to the day that I went on the last one. It's only for 4 days, and I leave from Orlando, so that's a big difference from the last time. I may do a couple of the shore trips, though the ones I went on in Canada weren't really worth the money in my opinion - but again, it was a different circumstance, in that I couldn't do anything strenuous because of my mother. Oh, I know, she said to go without her on stuff, but you know how that is, you feel guilty if you do. That's another reason why this one might be a better circumstance. The shore trips this time involve parasailing - which is a crazy-assed thing to do, especially for me, but I might just give in to temptation. That and frolicking with sea lions. I do love sea lions, they're really cool creatures. :D
Other than that, things are the same. I've made another couple of stabs at trying to get out of here and make friends, but as usual it's going not-so-well. Just the other day I was thinking to myself that I don't get listened to even online, heh. But as I'd mentioned before - this, too, shall pass, and so it has, for now.
I just wish these attacks would stop. But it is what it is, at least I'm not completely falling apart like I once was.
As usual, when I'm contemplative, the words come out like so much verbal vomit. I really wish I could get my head together enough to stick on topic and keep on track, but it never happens. This is truly "freestyle" - I just put it down as it comes into my head. It's a shame that I can't write anymore, because some of this shit would make a great book, if I ever had the inclination to talk about it. But I feel that I've lost all of my writing talent - I couldn't do it now if I tried. I spent too many years hearing people laugh at my efforts, however pathetic they were, and now I just don't believe I can do it any longer. Why do something if all I'll get is criticism and derision?
Of course, I could say that about nearly everything I've ever done, too.
Eh, enough of this downbeat shit. It's weird, but I'm sitting here watching VH-1 Classic (something I often do on Saturday mornings waiting for my cooking shows, because television is a wasteland until noon here), and there's a show on called "Metal Mania" that runs for a few hours. It's basically music videos of glam metal from the time I was in high school, and it's a huge, guilty pleasure of mine because I was so immersed in that culture growing up - it was basically my identity (and we did have a few stoners in the place, heh). I've outgrown it all now, of course, but I still sort of get a little thrill out of seeing Mötley Crüe or Cinderella or similar with their mullets and more makeup than most women prancing around on stage, heh.
Anyway... I have to say that some of these guys really made good. Take Bret Michaels, for example. He had what was (and still is, probably) one of the most-maligned glam metal bands of all time, that being Poison. People laugh at Poison, they really do, Poison is epitomized as being everything wrong with "metal" and rock, etc. And yes, they were most definitely cheesy, they have no defense there. But plenty of others were just as bad - hell, Twisted Sister and Dee Snider in my view were a hell of a lot worse as far as the cheesy factor is concerned. In any case, Bret Michaels has been through a fuck of a lot, healthwise, but he's still trying to work and make a career for himself, 20 years after glam metal has been shoved aside to collect dust in CD shelves around the world. I identify with that work ethic. He never did the drug lifestyle or dissolve into a pool of his own sick like everyone else, and that alone probably marks him as "different". I, being of a different sort myself, can identify. And I can respect him for that, so... as far as I'm concerned, Poison might be cheesy and 'lame', but Bret Michaels is a fuck of a lot better off than most of his detractors.
And, so, a cheesy and lame video for you all to end this Saturday. :p I'll write later if I feel up to it. Cheers.
P.S. I actually find this song incredibly cynical, not to mention beautiful.
1 comment:
I think the cruise sounds awesome, and "just what the doctor ordered". I think this time you'll be more relaxed, instead of having to accomidate someone else and what they want to do. It's not fun being burnt out. I was thankful for the few weeks I got here in Boise to just freakin relax without working 6-7 days a week.
The only downside is that it's so far away! Too bad it couldn't be sooner, cuz sounds like you need it NOW! hehe
Love ya woman! Hope they have the freakin AC fixed at work for ya!
Post a Comment