4am and wide awake.

I should be asleep, especially since I have an exam (the information systems) tonight, but no - I'm laying here with the light on and writing in here. I feel like I'm cracking up. Yesterday, the hell that I call my workplace attempted to tell me that I work this weekend - the same weekend that I have all of these exams and papers due. And I admit it - I lost it. I completely and totally lost it and started sobbing. Right in front of an offender. I have never felt so humiliated in my life, or so upset.

I am not proud of myself right about now.

But, I'm not ashamed either. I lost it, and I lost it because I'm burned out. I can only go so long, bear so much, be this perfect fucking saint that everyone seems to expect. I'm tired of everyone wanting something from me. After a while, you have nothing left to give, and I'm about at that point. I need to hibernate from life for a while. The end of this semester will certainly help that, but I wish I could take a break from school. Alas, my loan deferment will end if I do that, and I definitely can't afford it. So I'll have to enroll again, but maybe I'll take a couple of easy courses this time, just to recover from this stupid math shit. God, I hate math. I despise it, loathe it.

I have felt so sad this week. I don't know if it's a lingering effect from the last post, or because I'm going through some physical discomfort right now, or stress, or all three. But I'm tired of feeling sad. I just want some peace. Really, if someone were to ask me what I wanted above all, it's that - peace.

That's too much to ask, I know. But it doesn't mean I can't want it.

Godalmighty, just help me get through this day without wanting to bury a knife into myself.