As I'm sure you've guessed by now, the last few days have been craptastically awful. It's mainly been work, as usual, but my mental health as of late is also going down the tubes. I've been stressed out, tired, crying for no reason... meh. I have a feeling that I've taken on too much, way too much. Between work being what it is and the demands of the schoolwork.... even though in truth they're not asking for very much... it's just too much right now. Amazingly, I've been able to hold it together - so far.
I'm just waiting for the inevitable.
I wish that I could say that things were better, but they're not, to be honest. It's been too long since I've seen the doctor, too. And the therapist. I have an appointment for June 12th but it's difficult to wait that long. I'm skating toward the end of my medicine, too, so it'll be just in time... though I'm not all too sure the pills are helping me much. Doesn't seem as if anything helps the numb, deadness inside of me. No matter how many pills I get put on, nothing's ever cured that.
This stuff just helps me to function and fly under the radar, that's all. It's no cure. I'm starting to think that nothing's ever going to help me feel better.
Maybe that's just depression talking right now, I don't know. I do know that I'm just... spent right now, physically and emotionally and mentally, every way you can think of. I'm spent. I have nothing left to offer anyone.
When this is going to get better, I don't know. I don't know that it will.
Sorry for the downbeat post, but one thing I won't ever do in here is lie. You know what you can do if you don't want to hear it, right?
Off to bed.
1 comment:
must be something in the air. i had a breakdown earlier this week, and even my son had a breakdown wednesday night that scared the hell out of me. too freaky.
anywho, i don't know if i talked with you before about this, but do you meditate? i know there are times i freakin get up and walk away from my desk, or everyone when i get that panicky "weight of the world on my shoulders" feeling and just close my eyes and talk softly to myself. *shrug* i dunno, works for me anywho.
i've been chatting with jerry, and i might be making another trip out to baltimore this summer. probably in august, cuz june is booked for weekend shit, and july gotta save up for end of the month trip back to chitown.
*hugs* i'll let you know and we can meet up or sumfin!
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