The weekend of hell....ish thoughts.

After what can only be described as a horrific Friday and Saturday, I have finally calmed down a little bit - but the resulting destruction now spreads far and wide. When I get angry, by God, I do it right.

In short, I've probably lost another friend (not that I'm all that impressed with said friend right now anyway - maybe when my temper cools off I'll be sorry later, but right now, fuck them), and I've probably revealed a little too much of myself to another one. Neither of which I'm pleased about, but at this point, fuck it. I have nothing left to lose.

The truth is that I have too much to do, with school and work and all of that, but again I got the old "I'm too busy" excuse. Like I stated earlier, maybe I should just make myself unavailable, too - perhaps that'll get people thinking a little differently.

I'm still steaming mad over what happened. And this was a relatively unimportant thing, under the circumstances - so maybe it's just best that I turn my back on this situation and move on. It's not as if I invested too much of myself in it, anyway, and considering all that's gone on, it's just as well that I didn't.

The other situation, well, that'll all come to a head by this time tomorrow afternoon. I'll know for sure that I made a mistake by then, never mind "if" I did - I know I did. First rule of life when you're in a position like mine is never, never, ever reveal your true feelings to anyone, and I broke that rule last night, not only broke it but demolished it. Bad, bad idea. However, I am quite prepared to pay the price that I know is coming. It won't be so bad - just the loss of yet another person in my life, that's all.

Not that it matters, as they haven't been around when I needed them, either. No great loss.

I am bitter today. I know it. It doesn't really matter any longer. I'm not prepared to try again to disrupt what's been so far a lonely, dyspeptic, but hurt-free life. At least the only hurt that I experience is that which I cause to myself.

For once in my life I'm looking forward to going back to work. Maybe I'll start requesting overtime Saturdays - at least I'll make money instead of facing demons I don't want to, or need to face.