Back to the usual way of things.

Bleh. For some reason, I'm a bit more like "myself" tonight, meaning pessimistic. I don't know if it's because the weather's been so crappy lately (rain, which isn't the bad part - it's adding in the cold that makes it bleh) or what, but I'm just like...oh, God, people are fucking idiots and they act even more so when it's like this out. They can't drive, they complain and bitch (sort of like what I'm doing, haha), and are just such a pleasure to be around. /sarcasm

Don't say one word about how I'm turning into them, or you'll get a backhand across the chops. I promise you. :p

I'm more sleepy than anything, to be honest. I've adjusted to the medicine, but it still makes me feel drowsy on occasion. I did not increase the dosage like the doctor told me to, because I just can't afford it. If I keep at my current level (150mg of the Luvox), I feel fine enough to get through life and I'll be able to stretch it out over a two-month period. I know, I'm going against the doctor's advice, I shouldn't, bleh blah. I know that. But the doctor can afford 145 dollars a month for medicine - I can't. I'm a lowly grade 4 government worker who takes urine for a living, I'm not the President, heh. We need socialized health care, goddamnit. Canada has it, the U.K. has it, Australia has it. When are we going to join the ranks of civilized countries that actually CARE about its populations?

It's funny, but I was reading back over my old posts from when Obama was first elected, and I predicted that he wasn't going to be able to fulfill the promises he made. And so far... he hasn't. I was right - as usual. When are people going to start listening to me and not dismiss my opinions as crackers? :p

You know why I don't really get into political stuff? The reasons are myriad, but I'll start with this - as usual, it goes back to my bitch of a family and what they put me through. My mother was "an activist" - she dragged me along to every protest march she could find when I was growing up, and I eventually grew to hate it - and her. She was "a Communist and proud of it", and she wouldn't hesitate to tell everyone and anyone who would listen - my friends, their parents, their friends, etc. As you can imagine, this didn't make her - or me - popular with my friends' parents, and consequently they dismissed her.... and me. I lost a lot of friends over the course of my life because of her big mouth. Either their parents said that my mother was crazy and not to hang around me anymore, or my peers themselves would get sick of her spouting off about shit that they at ten or eleven couldn't understand anyway.

That's the first reason. Another reason is that I, myself, seem to be in the middle of the road on a lot of issues. I quite frankly am a part of Generation X in that I don't much care about anything that doesn't have to do with me directly. I also don't take a hard line toward one "party" or another as they seem to expect you to do here. I'm pro-abortion and pro-death penalty. I'm for gay marriage and I'm against economic waste. I don't take sides firmly on one issue or another - it is what it is. I once took one of those stupid quizzes on the subject and it stated that I was more of a Libertarian, which I guess is close enough to what I believe in. But I wouldn't apply a label to it. I'm just not political and it makes me ill when someone is too active in it - it's not that I don't respect people who march, I do. But it brings back way too many painful memories for me. I stay as far away from it as I can.

Believe me, I wish that I could sound a little more 'learned' in this blog than I do. But politically? It's painful for me, just like many, many other things in my life.

Man, my family fucked me up but good, didn't they? :( In retrospect, I'm very surprised that my previous and many suicide attempts didn't work - and very lucky. Because most people would have crumbled by now, with all of the issues that I've apparently got.

My mother found out that I was taking Luvox and she was like, "How much more are they going to find that's wrong with you? How much?"

Thanks so much. If it weren't for you, I wouldn't have these problems.

These are the kind of people I spring from - insensitive comments like this are a way of life for my family. This is what they do. I'm almost used to it. But now you know why I just won't have children - I wouldn't subject them to this. And as we all know, the violence (physical or emotional) repeats itself. No, thanks.

Sorry for the downbeat turn this has taken - I guess the weather's affecting me, too. It's the start of the weekend, though, which is always good. I hope I'll feel better in a while.

Thanks for listening, if you've gotten this far.