A mixed bag this weekend.

I felt pretty good on Christmas Day, as evidenced by the post below, but it's quickly spiraled downward into the usual bullshit. Last night I had an attack that was particularly bad, but I weathered it. Now, before I get yelled at for not calling anyone, let me say this - it was at 4am and there wasn't any way I was going to pick up a phone at 4am when all I have to do is take a pill and go to sleep.

Also, people don't understand these things, but when I'm in the middle of an attack like this... I don't reach out. I just don't - I turn inward. I know that I shouldn't, but that's what happens... so please don't hold this against me, okay? I'm fine now, that's all that counts, and if you happen to be around when it happens again, I swear that I'll ask for help. Promise.

I think a lot of what precipitates these attacks is that I'm not on my regular schedule where I get up, go to work, my day is preplanned out, etc. Instead I've been waking up when and where I want to (and isn't that just screwing with me - I've been waking up in the evening and not the morning, ugh)... nearly forgetting my meds a couple of times (though I HAVEN'T outright forgotten, so no bitching about that, either, thanks)... I have admittedly had not much control over the past few days. I have to get back into my schedule, that may help some. As usual after an attack, I'm weak and exhausted and very sleepy, so I suspect that today will be my 'recovery' day. I THOUGHT I'd had too much energy on Christmas and that's exactly what happened, meh...

Oh, well. At least I got some laundry done.

I bought some stuff for work over the last couple of days, new scrubs and shoes and whatnot. It seems a very odd thing to get excited over, but I'll look good at work and anytime I find something that makes me look good, I'm happy, as it's so rare that I feel that way. If only things weren't so expensive! Despite all of the bargains at stores this weekend (and there were quite a few, believe me), I didn't partake. I'm just too goddamn nervous about the economy right now. Maybe that attitude won't help it to recover, but I have bills to pay and that comes first, simple as that.

Meh. I have a headache already, sigh. Guess I'll go lie down, watch some tube (another thing I rarely do), try to relax. I hate it when this happens, it's like my mind attacks the rest of me. Either way, it's a life disruption and I'm tired of it, but... as I said, I'll muddle through, I suppose.

No worries.