I have a lot of things on my mind tonight, obviously (since I've returned to actually post an update in this thing). A good deal of it is not positive, unfortunately. It's mainly to do with my feelings about other people, so bear with me; here comes the verbal vomit.
I find that I have little interest in what others do anymore. That sounds really awful, I know; but I've just been so busy with work, school, trying to keep my head above water, maintaining my relationship with Greg - all of these things are important to me, and because they're important to me, I'm letting other things just... fall by the wayside. I'm letting things go. For me, that's good news and bad news at the same time - it's good because I'm concentrating on what really matters to me right now. It's bad, because I'm finding that... well, not a lot of things really matter to me.
I've experienced a great deal of "defriending" on Facebook recently. I've discovered that quite a few people have decided that they no longer wish to see my updates or anything concerning my life. Even a few months ago, that would have upset or greatly disturbed me, but these days.... eh, who cares? Really? Does it interrupt my world any? I've hardly even noticed it. I only notice it now because I went and looked THEM up to see what's happening in their world. Eh, so be it - it's no loss to me.
But it's got me thinking about Facebook and social media in general... and how little it's come to mean to me. Do I really know anyone? How much do they share of my life? I've honestly considered dropping a few so-called "friends" myself... or even leaving Facebook altogether; God knows there's enough reason to with all of the privacy issues going on, and to be honest... it's useless. The "magic" has passed. It's passe now, old hat, it's no longer fun.
Greg is very inactive on Facebook; I don't think he's used his account in at least three months or more. And he's perfectly happy with that. It makes me wonder what I'm getting out of it. It's not like I use it to contact long-lost family - what family? I talk to my mother every day. I talk to my cousins now and then. That's it. I have a few close friends, but it's not like we couldn't use Email to communicate if we really wanted to. What, then, do I get out of it?
I'm starting to seriously wonder about that.
There was a time where the laptop cord would have bound me. I needed it to "keep my sanity". Now, I'm wondering if it wasn't the cause of my insanity all along.
I am in a period of examination of life; what it really means, what I truly want out of it, where I want it to go. And I know that a lot of what I don't want still exists. It's just a matter of culling it out, like an abscess that needs to be flushed out of the skin. I need to continue to consider what is truly important. I don't think that it's what we all think it is.
I once said that I really needed five close friends and not five hundred acquaintances. I still feel that way. Perhaps more than ever, now.
I visit maybe four or five websites these days. That's it. I'm not really interested in "discovering" any more - the Internet lost its novelty and "new car feeling" 5 years ago for me. Perhaps it's simply that I'm jaded from starting in the BBS days, who knows - but I just don't even care anymore. It's not important to me.
Perhaps I'm simply antisocial. Or AvPD like I once believed. I don't know anymore. And the truth is, it doesn't matter. I'm simply going to live my life the way I want. Those who don't want to ride on the roller coaster with me can, quite simply, get the hell out of my way.
That's probably the healthiest approach to social media that I can get.
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