Sigh.

I just got back from the doctor. The news isn't good.

First of all, I've packed on a lot of extra weight because of this fucking anti-depressant I'm on - 50 pounds alone since December. I'm not happy. At all. I'm fucking scared shitless. I more or less begged this doctor to take me off of the Paxil, but she's referred me to a psychiatrist that'll be able to take care of the depression portion of things. So I have to go back on Monday and find out what the deal with that is.

I have a nasty feeling that I'm going to be living at the fucking free clinic.

She prescribed some Buspirone for the incredible anxiety and panic attacks that I've been having, too, so we'll see how that comes along. I have more Paxil to "keep me going" until the psychiatrist can see me. I also have to go back on Monday for lab work, because they're seriously thinking it's my thyroid now, but their computers were down - it figures - so I have to go back. Meh.

All in all, it's been a very depressing day. I wish the news was better - the massive weight gain upsets me to no end, I was already overweight to begin with and this just doesn't help things - but I'm doing my best. That's all I can do. I don't know what else I can do to help things along. It just seems that I get knocked down every single time I try to make a stab at improving myself or my life. At this point, I'm almost ready to give up.

Sorry. I know I'm whining today, but I just don't have any other outlet. I am so fucking upset. :'(