I'm still upset about the news I got from the doctor, but I'm starting to take it with a little bit of ... I guess what one would call a "c'est la vie" mindset. It is what it is. I didn't get this way overnight, so I can't expect a quick fix. It'll all get better once I get back home and pick up the reins of what's turned into my crazy-assed life, heh. Until then.. fuck it. I'm going to enjoy myself as much as I can, and if others don't like it - or me - fuck them, the broomstick they're riding on, and everything else as well.
I've been doing more cleaning - fun, fun. Had the pleasure of trying to attack the kitchen today, meeeeh. Still, it looks a fuck of a lot better than it did, and I'm somewhat proud of myself. I know I have to call the rental office and tell them I'm moving out soon - I'm not looking forward to that - but, eh. It's time to get out of here, anyway. I'm looking at this place with... not so much enthusiasm as I once did.
The funny thing is, I remember the day that I moved in here. It was fresh and brand-new and I remember taking my clothes off and just dancing all around the apartment, hah. I had no furniture then - just an Aerobed, a small 13 inch television, and my computer that wouldn't work because I had no phone line or Internet installed at the time. It took me a long, long time to get the things I needed. I remember buying the sofa, and the tables, and the bed... the dresser... the 32 inch TV I have now... it all took hard work and dedication to make the money to buy those things. I sit here now 3 years later and wonder at what happened to that woman that had all that enthusiasm. Does she still exist anymore?
Meh, getting maudlin again. And my dishes need to be stacked. I'm feeling a little better, at any rate. I think the Buspirone is working, pretty sure, anyway. Still too early to tell. But I've had a couple of good days with no anxiety, so we'll see.
13 days to my trip.... ack!!!!!!! :o
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