I'm sitting here at work with a mere three hours to go before my tenure in the drug lab comes to an end. In some ways, of course, I'm really happy about it - I won't have to put up with (nearly as much) stupidity, I don't have to see asses in the air, I don't have to smell foulness and stench, I don't have to deal with people that can't read. That, in itself, is a blessing.
But, in some ways, I'm actually a bit emotional about this. This has been my life for 4 years, for better or worse, and while I've gone through some horrific times, I also like to think that I've made an impact on people, at least for the better. Perhaps that's really a pipe dream.
One thing is for certain - I am no longer the sad, scared, suicidal mess that I was when I first started this job. Never again will I feel that low about myself and my prospects. Even if my life were to implode tomorrow and I'd lose everything dear to me - I will never again allow myself to give up my life and my dreams for another, and one that never cared a whit about me to begin with.
I start my new job on Monday as a much stronger, more confident human being. I know what I'm worth and what I'm willing to "settle" for - which isn't much, because I've settled for most of my life - it's now time to demand what I'm worth, and that's exactly what I'm doing. Because I've learned, finally, that I DO have worth, talents, abilities, that I AM deserving of better than the treatment I've received - and, yes, I admit here and now that I've even ASKED for that treatment on occasion, by NOT believing in myself.
No more of that. No one, no one, NO ONE - will EVER treat me like garbage again, because I won't allow it. If someone tries, they're cut out of my life immediately - and quite honestly, they may get a big angry scene to accompany it. I'm no longer keeping my mouth shut - someone fucks with me, they pay for it. Simple as that.
But, enough of that negativity. My life is about to take a new and frankly exciting direction. I just hope that I'm up to the challenges - but somehow, I think I will be.
No promises, though. :p
1 comment:
love this post!! i'm so glad to see you growing and moving forward with positivity instead of letting the depression hold you back. honestly, this is one of my favorite blogs to reflect on, because you truly are an inspiration, whether you set out to be or not... you ARE!
Best of luck with the new job on Monday! <3 Peace, love and Reeses!
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