Big changes, better life.

It's been whirlwind crazy recently in my life.  Trying to get used to a new job and a new routine is exhausting (in a mental sense, anyhow).  Physically, I'm a lot less tired - this is pretty much a desk job with a lot of paperwork, but I'm so far enjoying the break in routine.  Tuesdays are no longer the hell they once were, thank Christ for that. 

 

However, I can see myself growing restless and bored over time.  I'm content to ride things out, see where this is going to take me.  I'm certainly in a better stage of my career than I was, and I'm making a little more money, so that can't be all bad.

 

Otherwise, life continues on as normal.  I haven't really had much to say; thoughts whirl in my head like so much confetti, but when it comes time to put them to print/paper/whatever... I just find that it's not really that much of importance that it needs to be committed forever to an electronic or written medium.  Mellow now seems to be my metier - if I'm not going to die, it can't be that damned important, can it?  I think I'm still a bit too laissez-faire about some things - my financial situation is horrendous and it's only going to get worse - but, screw it.  As long as I pay my mortgage and other necessary bills, what's going to happen?  Uh, nothing?  So my credit will be wrecked, it won't be the first time.  I have a roof over my head, electricity,and food on the table, it's all good.  Well, that, and paying off the massive school loans that are looming on the horizon, ugh. 

 

Speaking of school, I have only 30 credits left, which equals 2 semesters.  Hopefully I've passed this math course - it's touch and go right now.  I really don't know how this is going to play out.  We'll see, I guess.... sigh.  I did call the advisor's office and they'd said that I could still take the stats course even if I got a D, so that's something, anyway.

 

So at this point I'm just killing time until I can go home.  I can't really check stuff like I used to - I'm not comfortable getting on Facebook here because of the location of my desk (basically right where everyone can see me), and the phone reception in here is suck, so I don't really have much of a chance to catch up on other peoples' lives anymore.  I did do a massive purge of so-called "friends" not too long ago, and you know what?  I don't even notice the difference, that's how little it matters to me.  I have my life now - good coworkers (and they ARE nice - compared to the idiots at the lab, these people are a breath of fresh air), a fulfilling (if a bit boring) job, and my relationship with Greg is chugging along, as good as ever.  I'm very content.

 

I allowed my mind to briefly touch on the past, what my life was like this time 5 years ago.... and I shudder in horror.  I would never go back to that.  You couldn't PAY me to go back to that.  I am so, so, so, so glad I hung on through the depression and the crap and the utter bullshit - because as horrible as it was then... that's how sweet it is now.  I wouldn't trade my life now for anything.

 

I quit making excuses for my hardships and my troubles.  The only person responsible for my pain is ME.  It's up to ME to change whatever I don't like - so here I am, baby, I'm doing it, I"m changing.  I can either roll with the punches, or get flattened.

 

Which am I choosing today?  I think everyone can tell.

 

Only ten minutes until I can roll on out of here.  I'm in a good place.  I really am.  Oh, sometimes I still bitch and complain and carry on, I wouldn't be ME if I didn't do that on occasion - but when you get right down to it, all is right in my world.

 

Later.