If you've been following my Facebook postings (and isn't it pathetic that everyone's succumbed to social networking these days to get any kind of an update on anyone's lives - but I digress), then you know what's happened to me at work this week. You also know how I feel about it - and believe me, the feelings aren't good. I don't really want to get so much into that today, as it's not the point of my posting this. I'm feeling slightly better today, though by no means is it perfect or even close. I suspect that I'm a long way from feeling good about anything going on down there. But I no longer feel this overwhelming, all-consuming anger that I did even just this morning, so that's something.
The recognition that I'm a lot healthier mentally is a huge bolster. Even a couple of years ago, I wouldn't have been able to handle this situation at all, never mind with as much calm as I have been. Some might not say that I've been tranquil at all about this, but you know what? I think I have been - admirably so. And I'm well aware that even 2 years ago, I probably would have totally and completely lost it.
This situation, as bad as it is, says a great deal about my mental health. I'm getting stronger. It may not really seem so, but I can feel it within.
Perhaps I'd had that strength all along.
I've received my state tax refund already, though it's small compared to the federal one, which I don't anticipate receiving for some time (at least until June, since I had to file manually, bleh). It's in a safe place where I can't immediately get to it, so it'll sit there and wait until I get the rest of the money. When I do, I'll probably do a couple of small projects around the house, maybe a larger one. I'm thinking backyard, front storm door, and maybe the housewarming party that I meant to have this time last year - if I feel up to being social, anyway. Right now, I'm thinking no. That may change.
I had meant to write a bit more tonight, but the truth is that all of the idiotic nonsense going on down at work has left me pretty drained and mute, so I'll close out for now, and write later on over the weekend when I can clear my head of all of the bad karma.
Until then.
1 comment:
you really have "risen above" all the bullshit at work. i'm (for lack of a better cliche) "tickled pink" that you are recognizing your own strength!! what's great about it too, is it's definitely a mile marker moment in all of this. something you can reflect and deflect upon to see the progress that you've made over the years, and further down the road.
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