Some people that I know have been reading this ever since its inception (for which I heartily thank them, if they're still around). If you're one of them, then you are well aware of the struggles that I had and continue to have with my social life and Facebook in particular.
Now, I know what a great deal of people would say to this. "Who gives a fuck about Facebook? The number of so-called friends doesn't matter. Stop being paranoid."
To some degree, I'm in complete agreement with the above. It doesn't make a difference, nor does having 5 trillion friends make one suddenly King Shit or anything like that. However, here is the issue that I seem to keep facing when it comes to social media: when I end up finding people that I once knew, their response to my "friend request" often is a telltale sign of how they really thought of you at the time they were in your life. Know what I mean? Unless they truly don't remember you (which I have run into), why would they turn it down...unless they truly have no interest in you or what's going on in your life. Right?
This bothers me a lot less than it used to, which is good. But when it does happen, it colors my previously fond memories of that person. It makes me think about what REALLY transpired - "so, that's what they really thought of me, huh...well, fuck them.". And, of course, it's not a good feeling.
Unfortunately, a select few from my past - people that I thought genuinely enjoyed my company - have done just this to me. I'm well over the hurt that I had felt, but it still stings a bit that I don't seem to have very good judgment when I try to select social companions, and it's part of the reason I'm sort of "hiding away" right now.
So, what brought this on? I recently found an ex-colleague of mine from the old days at the computer store that I -believed- I got along with rather well. They haven't responded yet to my message (nor do I expect them to right away, as they're not on often enough). I think I'm now experiencing remorse, feelings of "should have left that in the past", which is something that I recognize I have a problem with, anyway. I don't want to face this person's rejection of me - it's not that the rejection itself would hurt after 15 years. It's that I don't want what few good memories I have of working with this person tainted.
Ah, well. What's done is done. I wish I'd left it alone, but too late now.
Anyway. What else is new.
1 comment:
i hear ya. as much as it shouldn't bother us, it can. i had an exbf of mine find me on FB, and he msg'd me, caught up, only to point out to me that he's happily married, never divorced, and acted like he did so much better than me or something, and never added me. it took me a couple days to get over 1) that I wasn't good enough to add and 2) he only contacted me long enough to see where i was in life, and bash me for my past. it was hurtful and reminded me once again the cheating narsastic prick he was to me back in the day.
i've also had those people who you were friends with in the past that initiate the contact with a friend request, and then it's like, they don't say anything, and next thing you know they unfriend you. it's like they just did it to check you out, maybe grab some pics, and done. it's hard. but some ppl suck and some don't. it's an ongoing sifting of the dirt find the gold.
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