Death and cancellations.

I wasn't really going to write anything today, but I was at work this morning and someone told me that Corey Haim, the dude in "The Lost Boys" (which I never actually saw but heard megatons about it because all of the girls in junior high were squealing over it), died today.  I know nothing about him other than a.)  he was once a big teen idol and b.) he was my age, 38 (or at least I will be 38 soon anyway). 

 

The fact that Corey Haim is dead isn't really what bothers me, as cold as that sounds.  I wasn't a fan of his, I didn't follow his career, I could care less.  But what DOES bother me about this situation is that too many of my generation's "idols" are dying - before their time, and of stupid shit like drug addiction.  It's like when Kurt Cobain died - same thing, I hated Nirvana, I hated the grunge scene, I made Cobain death jokes left and right when it happened.  But it's all so fucking senseless.  That, like Haim's death, was totally unnecessary, though I understand Cobain's a bit better, perhaps due to the depression angle...

 

In any case, it just bothers me to no end.  I guess that's because it's a way of facing my own mortality - that we of Gen-X AREN'T invincible, that we WILL die, that we won't be here forever.  I sit here and I can't quite believe that I'm two years from 40.  I think of all of my years, a lot of them lost to depression and to misdirection, wrong turns, bad choices.  I think of what I could have done differently, and thousands of regrets.  But then I think of the fact that regrets won't allow me to move ahead, and that's what I have to keep on trying to do, move ahead, forge on with my life.  Hey, the people in medieval times did it and they had even less than what we do now, right?  So if they can, I can.

 

On another topic, I'm sure you noticed that the picture of the ship above the posts isn't there anymore.  That's because I went ahead and canceled the cruise I was going to go on.  Why, right?  Would've been fun, yeah?  For someone else, yes, it probably would have been, but for me... well, let's face it, I already know that I didn't have a good time on the cruise I went on with my mother.  I don't think that going alone is going to change that.  I just didn't enjoy what cruising has to offer, which is pretty much bingo games, drinking and eating until you're sick.  I'm not interested in any of that.  If I want to go to the Bahamas, I'll fly there and spend six days THERE, not five out of six trapped on a boat bored out of my mind.  It's just not for me.  It also doesn't help that I'm not a very social person, either, and on a boat you can't avoid these motherfuckers trapped with you.  No, thanks, I think I'll choose another way to go on vacation. 

 

Not much else going on, really.  Still watching, still waiting, still playing the life game, heh.  I'm feeling mentally better, which is good.  I don't want to say that I've beaten this depression thing just yet... but I feel a fuck of a lot more confident about it than I have for a long, long time, so that can't be anything but good.

 

Things are starting to look up.