First day back at work. I'm completely exhausted. Ugh. It's like the last week has never been.
I'm doing okay, all things considered. There hasn't been much in the way of drama or things going wrong as of late, I just as usual haven't had much to say. Guess that I'm quiet when all is "well", I suppose. I'm grateful for being calmer. I think that certain situations that were all knotted up and causing me a lot of pain have finally begun to settle themselves, and I'm surely happy for that. But in honesty, I think I've... given up on a lot of things.
That's not necessarily bad. It just means that I've turned a lot of things over to ...whatever rules the universe, whether it's a "God" or "fate" or whatever you believe in (or don't). I've quit fighting what obviously is meant to be, so I've "given up" and I'll ride with whatever the outcome will end up being. Does that make sense? Now I'm starting to see what people mean when they say "put it in the hands of a 'higher authority'". It's freeing. I've let go of a lot of pain that way. Maybe I need to do some more of it, to be honest.
Not to say that I don't have my off days, still. I do. I have a lot of regrets. But... I can't change anything that's happened, so I need to just... ride with it.
I'm tired tonight, so not much more, but I'll update a little later when I'm not quite so rushed or exhausted.
Peace.
1 comment:
you may have a lot of regrets, but ya just gotta focus on the what will be and not what was. i think a lot of the D/s in my life was because i wanted that higher authority to take the burden off me when i know i couldn't do it for myself.
anywho... hope you feel better today darlin! *hugs*
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