An open letter to the people I serve at work. Part II.

This is in continuation of the original letter that I had written in August. Now that the holidays are here, you and I need to get a few more things straight, Mr. or Ms. D.C. Drug Addict. Ready? I just know you are.

1.) There's a reason behind everything we ask you. When we tell you to hang your coats up on the hooks outside the bathroom door - do it. Don't give us an argument about how all of the money you own is in the pockets - if you're smart, you wouldn't announce that anyway - or how you're worried about someone stealing it. It's not possible, the hall is videotaped. The fact is, coats aren't allowed in the bathrooms. Deal with it.

2.) Do NOT assume we have public toilets. Do NOT come into this unit and just barge your way back into the bathrooms. This is not a public facility. If you're not testing, or being escorted, you need to find a bathroom elsewhere. Stay the fuck out of ours. I had one lady who was scared shitless because one of you idiots barged right in on her while she's trying to wipe herself, for fuck's sake. If you're not testing, you don't belong back there - STAY OUT.

3.) Don't dump your shit all over the counter. If I give you a paper to sign, it means you're finished with my part of the process. It does NOT mean that you then dump a bag of 19, 20 medications out in front of me and expect me to write them down. You are supposed to show me your medications BEFORE you sign, not after. If I have to write down all of your medications (which can take up to 20 minutes depending on how much you take), it means I have to start the whole sign-in process from the beginning. I am not inclined to do this, nor will I take kindly to you if I'm forced to do it. Show me your medications when you first come in here. It'll make it easier for both of us.

4.) Communicate properly. I speak English and very limited Spanish. I do NOT speak "Mumble". When you come up to me, speak clearly and intelligbly. Don't expect me to understand what you're saying if you come up going "nonfivetreesicktoofoh". The last I heard, the number 9 was pronounced "nine", 4 is "four" and not "foh". I understand about accents, but this shit I'm hearing from you all borders on another language, and I don't speak it. So make an effort and make sense.

5.) Control your crotchfruit. I understand that a lot of you have children. I also understand that sometimes you're not going to have people to watch them and you have to drag them with you into the unit, as sad as that is. That's fine. But if you do bring them in here - CONTROL them. The benches are not there to be jumped off of, nor are the line posts there to be played with. This is not a playground. If your precious darling busts their head open, that's your fault for not watching them, not ours, though I'm sure you'll try to sue us anyway. Gotta get your drug money from somewhere, right?

I'm sure more will come up, eventually, but this will do for part 2, anyway. And as an aside to my coworkers - get a fucking life, most of you are just as idiotic as the "customers".

Rant over.