It's been a rather odd weekend, too. I've been very emotional - crying a lot, feeling sort of inferior and down - almost like it used to be without the Buspar and Paxil to make me human. I wonder if it's not just a situation where I'm overtired and overworked, and I'm reacting to it... or if I'm as usual comparing myself to other people and just... finding myself wanting. Maybe it's a little of both.
For example.. I recently read a friend of a friend's blog... and it was so articulate and well-written that I just looked at mine and I'm thinking to myself... "Gah. This is high school-sounding bullshit." Even though it's my life, as I see it, through my eyes... I'm still overcritical and putting myself down. It's wrong, I know. But I can't help it. I've been trained to think that I'm nothing. I wish that I could be that learned and wise-sounding, with the sarcastic bits thrown in. Instead, everyone just gets the sarcasm, heh.
Honestly, I think I'm just overworked. I have to be IN D.C. by 9am for a training seminar in the morning, which means that if I want to catch my train in time, I have to be awake at 6 in the morning.
This job isn't at all easy, nor is it easy to get to. I'm seriously considering moving closer by the time my lease here is up.
Anyway. More complaining, more whining. I wish I could do something other than that. I'm just not... feeling at all good tonight. :(
1 comment:
Carrie,
I just caught up on current events in your blog now that we've reconnected, and I was very distressed to see how sad you've been.
While I've only had a professional relationship with you, I've always found you to be a valuable, helpful and bright employee who was willing to do their best and help in any way possible.
I have an idea about your blog. Write one post a week in which you do not say anything negative about yourself. Find positive things to talk about, good experiences during the week, things you are proud of, even if they are small like being on time every day, or making a particularly good peanut butter and jelly sandwich for lunch! I think it will help you change your views about yourself and your life, and I know I sure would love to see you happier!
Bryarly
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