Apathy's exit. And other earth-shattering news.

I was coming home on the train yesterday from work, ready to enjoy a long five-day Christmas holiday, when a song by Queensryche, "Silent Lucidity", came on the Internet radio on my phone.  Now, in the past, I usually did one of two things depending on my mood - I either turned the station (because that particular song does have a few bad memories attached to it), or I listened, but... didn't really listen, if you follow me.  It was just background noise.

Well, yesterday, I figured on the latter - I wasn't in a bad mood, I was okay in my head, etc.  So I left it on and listened to it.  Only, this time - I really listened to it.  And all of a sudden, I felt this incredible rush of.... sheesh, I don't even know how to describe it.  Pain, fear, happiness, joy, all emotions just blended into this feeling - that's what it really was.  Feeling.  I was feeling for the first time in years, and it was so intense that tears actually spilled out of my eyes at the same time that I was laughing.  I don't even know how to put it into words.  I just knew that I could feel, for the first time in years, that I didn't exist in a vacuum of dull apathy.  The world was somehow brighter, more intense, more there.  Does that make any sense?

It's another sign of healing.  I really am healing, despite how it may seem or how I sound sometimes.  Each day is another step toward making my life what I wish it to be.  Sure, it's hard breaking old habits - but I'm getting closer.  

Not much else to say today, but I think I'm being lazy.  I'm on the last semester of school - graduation is on May 11th - and Greg and I are still together (as a matter of fact, we're going on a cruise together in a month's time).  There's more than this, but I guess I'm actually not as talkative as I thought.  I'll elaborate more in a later post.