Spring heralds new beginnings. I'm no exception.

It seems rather odd that I'd be doing a "massive" update on a Thursday, but the truth of the matter is that the volume at work on certain days has fallen dramatically since the removal of the female offenders to the other unit.  Tuesdays are still pretty rotten, but Thursdays have actually fallen to a tolerable level, which I'm grateful for.  There are still times, of course, when I'm sick of the whole damned thing, but this week has apparently not been one of them.  The lab was shockingly empty this past Tuesday, for all of that. 

 

I think that some of it, no doubt, relates to the warmer weather and the upcoming start of spring.  I normally love cold weather, and ice, and snow, and overcast days when it gets dark at 5pm - but this year, I'm actually sort of glad that's over with.  This has been a brutal winter, to be honest, and I've discovered that while spending my first in the new house.  I will need to sit down and make a huge list of improvements that need to be taken care of before the next winter hits, because I've lost a GREAT deal of money the past few months due to high heating bills - and with a split-level heating system in the house, that just shouldn't be so.  The house tends to run cool in the first place, which explains why I had no huge air conditioning losses when I first moved in.  That's okay - so, now I know, and will take steps to correct it. 

 

Still trying to set up the house, make improvements, etc.  I'm not doing very well financially, though, which is a huge blow to my sense of security.  I know that I'll eventually put it right, but it just bothers me that I still tend to make foolish, emotionally-charged, and in the end costly, financial mistakes.  I think that some of it is simply the indulgence of my "inner child", as my therapist puts it - I went without for so long that now I'm trying to "make up" for things, and in the end I'm spending money that I really kind of don't have.  But then again, I know myself - I'll only let it get up to a point before I attack the debt full-speed.  It also doesn't help that I truly NEED a lot of the things I'm buying, like clothes for work, underwear, etc.  I just don't seem to be able to keep up with things, for some reason.

 

Physical health is beginning to improve, but just a little.  The weight is NOT coming off like I'd hoped for, though I have slight fluctuations - a pound here, a pound there.  I'm seriously beginning to believe that it's a medical issue now, because I've been keeping right as far as my diet - quite honestly, I've never eaten better than I have in the last 3 months - and my exercising has increased slightly (though probably not as much as it should).  I've discovered the Zumba DVD program, and it looks easy enough for me to learn, yet still low-impact so I don't kill myself at first - I'm starting it this weekend and I'll see if that helps any.  If I don't see some significant improvement by the end of May, though, I'm heading to the doctor to at least get the process started with the possibility of surgery. 

 

I just can't go through this anymore.  I really can't.

 

My mental health has actually never been better.  The last week has been rather good - I've felt energetic, willing to take small risks, feeling like doing things both on my own and socially.  I may be going to the Cherry Blossom Festival in D.C. with a friend in the next couple of weeks, and there's a murder mystery thingiemabobber that I've been invited to for the end of April, so it's actually picking up a little bit.  I hope that I can maintain this momentum, though, as I know how my cracked brain works - I have great intentions but when it comes to actually following through, I'm a wimp.  But we'll find out, I suppose.  I did have a rather bad moment earlier in the week when I got to thinking about things that I shouldn't have, but.... well, I guess I still need to learn not to live in the past.  It's a lesson that I still seem to have difficulty grasping, but at the same time, it's getting better every day.  I'm getting better every day. 

 

I can finally say that with a level of confidence.

 

This may sound dumb - but I'd love to buy a kite and go fly it in St. Mary's Park somewhere on a nice, windy spring day.  I've not flown a kite since I was very, very small...

 

My classes start on May 31, so I guess I'd better make the most of the last few weekends I have to myself, y'think?

 

Not much else going on, but that's all right.  For right now, I am content with my lot.  I am doing well. 

 

I am continuing my healing.