Life as usual.

I haven't written anything for a while because nothing's really been happening, which in my world is a good sign, or at least a sign of "normalcy".  I'm still working, still in my classes, adjusting slowly to life on my own in the house.  Things are okay.  I had a really bad patch mentally for a while, but I think even that's beginning to subside. 

 

So now what?

 

Yes, that's what's on my mind.  Now what happens?  I could go on like this indefinitely, maybe forever.  It sounds terrible, but if I were to just let this all be now, that my life will never improve or get worse than this - I think I'd be pretty much okay with that, and could live with whatever happens.  The only real downside to that is that sometimes I get pretty lonely.  I mean, sure, I would love to go out with people and have fun and all of that - but if it doesn't happen, I guess I'd be okay in my house with my television/computer and Dandy Lion.  There's no trauma associated with that, a good thing. 

 

What scares me is that I've more or less turned into my mother.  That's what she does.  Watches television, putters around the house, that's it.  And that's all I do.  I wanted so much more out of my life than that, but I guess maybe it wasn't meant to be that way. 

 

It doesn't help that I hate most people, though, heh. 

 

I've discovered to my shock and horror that I have ants in my basement.  NOT good, and I'm not at all happy about it.  Found THAT out when I went downstairs to change Dandy's water dish.  There they were, floating away in what was left of the water.  Big black motherfuckers.  I am pissed.  Looks like I'll have to call an exterminator, stat.  But, bleh.  It's a problem I kind of didn't need.

 

Guess it could be worse, though, I could have something worse than ants crawling around in there.  Ugh.

 

New guy down at work, started last week.  He's definitely eye candy.  I don't dare flirt with him 1.  for fear that he won't take me seriously  2.  for fear that he WILL take me seriously and either throw up, which is the reaction I expect, or slap a sexual harrassment suit on me (or both)  3.  simply because I don't shit where I eat as a general rule, heh.  Still.  He's nice to look at, and a girl can dream, can't she?  :p  We were walking down the corridor on the way to lunch and he was like "I survive this job by using apathy."  Hah.  Instant lust.  Like I said... I don't dare do a thing about it, but I can think about it, heh....

 

Heh, it proves that at least my interest in other people isn't TOTALLY dead.  Almost, though.  Almost.

 

Anyway.  I wish that I were more enthusiastic about things, but the truth of the matter is that it's the same old, lame old at casa Ray.  At least I'm not having attacks.  That's something, anyway.

 

Thursday and almost (re)opening time, bleh.  My shift got pounded this morning and we're all fucking exhausted as shit, but there's still 2 hours to go.  I pray I can get through it without killing someone.

 

Cheers.