Not a good night here.

I'm lying here in bed more or less crying again. Feeling depressed and alone. It's not because of the cat, though I guess that was the beginning of it, but simply because I'm down, and under the (mistaken?) impression that no one cares what I feel or how I think. It's the depression coming back to haunt me again.

This shit isn't going to end, and I know it, so I guess I have to take the punches as they come. Only why do the punches have to be so fucking hard?

I'm mad at myself because I've burned a lot of bridges behind me in the past couple of years, but the only person that's ended up hurting is me - as usual. No one gives a shit, that's the plain truth of it - all of those people that I'm angry with, they haven't been punished. They've escaped all responsibility and all retribution for my anger. And it's not fucking fair. They need to hurt, too. As much as they did me dirty, they need to suffer as well, and they're not - nor will they probably ever. It's a bitter potion to swallow. And right now I'm more angry than anything else. I want to basically rip into every one of them, call them what they are, make them hurt, and just when they can't stand it anymore... hurt them some more.

They can just go on their merry little way... they have their friends and their buddies and their stupid little websites and channels and they don't think one minute about how they hurt a person that they claimed to be friends with. That's the plain truth of it, and even my strongest supporter in everything else that has to do with my life, even he says I'm wrong about this. Well, I've got news for him - and yes, I'm addressing him directly - you're wrong about this. I won't discuss it with you anymore because I'm sick of arguing with you about it - but you're wrong, and I don't expect you to understand my side of things, because you're still friends with some of these motherfuckers. Point taken, that's fine. But it changes nothing as to how I feel.

God, I don't think I'll ever get over what they did to me, just as I was at my lowest point. And the fuck of it is... no one's paid. No one. But someday they will. Sounds like sour grapes? You don't know me. They WILL pay for what they've done, one way or the other, in time. And when that time comes I will fucking JUMP ON IT. It'll be one of the happiest days of my life.

There's a price to pay when someone hurts me. And they pay it - one way or the other.

I'll wait. I have infinite fucking patience. But it'll come. And when it does... every one of those people will be very, very sorry that they ever met me. Ever.

So much for me being able to forgive and forget. Not happening. So sorry. Don't care.

P.S. I've already gotten inquiries as to "who do you mean". They know who they are. Some also know who I'm talking about very, very well. I don't want to discuss what happened, because it's painful and it'll make me worse off. Just know this... in the end it's not important, and I'll be fine.. but I meant exactly what I said when I said that I'm just WAITING for revenge. Because I will get it. And frankly, I don't care who I hurt to get it.

Cold? Damned right I'm cold. Fuck it.